Take a computer, any computer. Remove all the useful shit that makes the operating system actually work and rewrite all the prompts in simple English. Just for fun, give it the complete inability to perform everyday tasks that a child could use an Etch-a-Sketch for. Put all the useful settings/options in the background and make updates look like they're going to install up until the last minute until they error with "Unknown" as the only reason. Now interface it with your cobbled-together backend system and REQUIRE it to communicate with that system for EVERY task.
Then paint it silver.
There. Now you have a Mac.
Fucking toys!

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