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Oh wow... I'm not sure what to say, I hope you'll get better both with yourself, and with others, I realize this might sounds a bit too optimistic, but the world is a huge place with a huge amount of people, ranging from best to worst, there are people somewhere, maybe even near you, that are better than anybody you ever knew or heard about, and there are people times worse than that woman, so my opinion: Should you give up on people? I don't think so. Shouls you still be very cautious with them? Hell yeah. Will it be easy? Probaby Hell no. But I think you should keep trying, believe in yourself, sometimes in other people too, but mostly in yourself. Can't do that? Then try finding reasons to believe and trust yourself. Anyways, I'm in no way an expert in life, I'm just a 22 year old kid, so take it with a grain of salt but that's my opinion and take on life, and I hope it will help you smile when needed. Have the very best day, week, month, and life brother!
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And if you feel like you need to talk, about literally anything, even if it's something you think is too insignificant to share but still want to, just ping me, I'll send you my discord/email/phone/whatever(my fucking pidgeon address if needed) and let's talk. And if you feel like it's too stupid, you'll complain too much, or you don't want to annoy. Please don't. Let ME decide whether I'll be annoyed or not, don't decide for me that I'll judge you, leave that decision to me. Worst case scenario I'll say I can't talk rn, not like you'll get hurt by that.
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@SoldierOfCode a 22 year old here is much wiser than most of retarded fucks I know in real life. I want to hug you bro.
I have same username on Telegram (if you are using that). I'd surely love to talk to you and I know you won't judge me and also if you get bored you'll let me know.
You are a nice person bro. Someone who has been raised well :)
@Demolishun thank you so much bro. Yes, I think that's a good idea. But with this pandemic thing, there is no escape from four walls. I agree that people come there to enjoy shared interest in a good faith. Must try. I love cycling and swimming a lot. What do you like? -
And talking to @Kiki makes me feel so much better. It's like some spiritual healing for me.
We need more such people like him and other good people we have here. -
@Floydimus 94gb71 - Just in case
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@Floydimus I like video games and learning to code with other people. I share video game time with my kids.
I need to find another coding group to hang out with. I learned a lot from other pros that way. -
Unfortunately I had similar experience but got up after hitting the rock bottom.
When you have issues like that, it can be good opportunity to learn and grow even if it is painful at first. Life is what you make out of it, really.
You are great person and nobody deserves shit you have been through. I just wanted to tell you that you are enough as you are and you don't have to 'earn' love of others no matter what your belief on the topic is.
Most toxic people are usually broken inside and it is good to identify toxic relationships and exit from them asap.
Toxic people tend to leech your energy to feel better by making you feel smaller than them.
Good thing is that you are out of this mess of a relationship, I know it brought out some nasty things, but it will get better and just stay strong.
If you need someone to talk, just ping me! You know where to find me. ♥️ -
@devJs true bro. I gave away my self worth and didn't realised when or how I slipped.
I so badly needed to hear those words. Thank you so much bro for offering help and your kind words.
Surely hit you up not to bug but to start a friendship with you :)
*Bro hug*
Edit: where do I find you?
I used to think my first relationship was awful. I went through so much and rather it served as a trigger for my childhood trauma as well.
Little did I know that it would be the best the thing that could happen to me. I grew so much and every next woman I met, I realised how fucking amazing my ex is. God I miss her terribly.
But what happened with my recent fuck up, I am devastated. This toxic women brought out the worst in me. I have never been so hateful against myself or anyone else in the world.
I was love bombed and walked into a trap. I quit as soon as I realised what it was.
My values were comprised. My integrity was put to test. My trust was intentionally broken. During the initial days, she tactically identified my vulnerabilities and insecurities. Then used to sadistically trigger me as often as she can and sit there and watch me in suffer pain.
It led me to self harm and being suicidal.
I am so badly wounded that even after few weeks, I am still discovering all the wounds. It will surely take some time along with external support to build a healing environment for myself and overcome this damage.
I am very angry, terribly hurt, lost and confused. This shit developed a phobia in me. I cannot trust anyone anymore. I constantly live in fear of being hurt (physical, mental, and emotional). I am paranoid of that stalker.
I don't think I'll ever be able to start and build a healthy relationship with anyone. I used to be sooooo fucking strong emotionally and mentally. But now not only my trauma relapsed but I got more issues within me.
I really want to live a free, healthy, happy and a fulfilled life. I don't know when time will heal this but right now, I am in terrible pain and hate myself a lot.
rant
too much damaged caused
emotional healing