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I am so fucking lost.

I literally have zero expectations from life for now and future.

There was a time when I had so much clarity in my life. Rather, I was known for it.
Folks used to reach me out for guidance and my approaches even worked for others.

I was goal oriented and biased towards action. Failing and learning from it, I used to make things happen and with constant feedback kept progressing.

While none of that has changed, I still feel lost and numb. No, I am not depressed or suffering through any mental illness. I am physical active and able to feel the happiness.

But the recent incident with a narcissistic, left me emotionally handicap. I can no longer feel any kind of love or affection. I overcame the damage done and healed myself.

But now, I am done. Even if I engage with anyone for a relationship it would be mostly for sex. I can care for people around me and be affectionate towards them but when it comes to an intimate relationship, I feel it's not something I can do in this lifetime. I tried multiple times but failed.

These days, all I am doing is putting my heads down and working like crazy. Never in my life I worked more than 10 hours in an entire week. Now, I work 10+ hours everyday. During that time, I am highly productive.

And in my free time, I am busy housekeeping different life problems. Either paying bills, figuring out an insurance, planning some investment, or making some kind of life decision.

It's draining me. I feel as if I am losing sanity. But that's the only thing I am able to do.

Maybe it's the lockdown effect. Maybe some damage is yet to be healed.

But I got nothing better to do. I have some good ideas. Not those hipster-ish disruptive Million dollar ideas, but decent enough to solve a problem for a strong use case.

However, all of this is becoming overwhelming these days. Because decision making is complex and difficult task. It can make or break the future.

As of now I am confused how should I go about pursuing two of the important projects that I want to accomplish.

1. Migrating out of Google ecosystem. Is it even practically possible for my use case? What are the alternatives? Planning to opt in for a paid cloud storage so have to factor in that aspect as well.

I want to keep this new setup only for official use like bank and government stuff. Maybe family and close friends. Then have current ids for public logins and sharing it with retards whom I can block or ignore if they harass me. The research is overwhelming but having a structured setup gives insane amount of efficiency when life is spam free.

2. Migrating my Pihole and OpenVPN setup out of Digital Ocean to GCP. Primarily because $5 is a lot of amount for my computational requirements and Google has used my data enough, for me to use the free tier.
However, there isn't a simple script for a tech noob like me, to go ahead and setup something. I did find a Github repository but the documentation is kind of outdated so RTFM failed for me.

I don't know whether to pursue my start-up or let it go and focus on moving to Europe.

It's just so fucking stupid to even exist. And let's not forget taxes. Bloody taxes.

Comments
  • 0
    @theKarlisK no, just a droplet hosting PiHole and OpenVPN pointing to Pi with full tunnel.

    Any resources that you can point me at, so that I can go through them see what I can try?
  • 0
    @theKarlisK yes yes. Before nuking my account last time.

    You, me, Condor, and Linuxxx were talking things.
  • 1
    I can answer the question 1.
    It took me 2 years to fully migrate from Google ecosystem to Microsoft (You may same it’s the same, but I don’t know, Microsoft doesn’t need your data as much, it’s not their primary income source. Maybe I’m wrong, but no way I will setup my own email server, already did it once, missed 2 VERY important job mails due to a bug, NEVER doing it again).
    I now use only 2 services from them (Without ANY accounts and a dummy account for Android phone) :
    Search and YouTube. These two, I honestly don’t see alternative. Tried to live with Bing for a month. It’s actually “OK”, as long as you don’t do developer things (Usual everyday searches are fine, technical are not).
    And YouTube, fuck do they even have a decent competitor? I don’t think so.
  • 1
    For VPN, why do you need it ? I was constaly running VPN for about 5 years (Torrents, buying steam games in other currency, bypassing some geo restrictions on videos), finally killed it. I’m not missing VPN.
  • 2
    Had a few hookups with a narcissist, when I actually spoke to them (look, we all make mistakes OK?) they were pretty dull. Things kinda petered out, they then spent 6 months trying to harass me. I'm kinda "lucky" in that I've had experience in the past with that kinda shit. Fairly quickly I switched from caring to telling them to go to hell. But I feel you bro.
  • 3
    Also, if you can "nolonger feel love or affection", you haven't overcome the damage
  • 4
    And go see a therapist. It's hard to admit, I know I've been there but you don't sound OK.
  • 2
    I find it really strange but also kinda telling that I'm the only one to talk about the mental health issues, ignore the tech stuff.
  • 2
    You are def not healed, even though you probably came a long way. A feeling of urgency is natural, but keep in mind that this is a temporary state. As for leaving Google, I've come to like Protonmail a lot, though I'll probably have to sort and archive my old mail elsewhere soon because I don't want to pay for their storage.
  • 1
    Same thing. Close connection is impossible
  • 1
    @NoToJavaScript NOOOOOO
    Setting up and managing your own email server is a nightmare. It needs an entire force to make it possible. Maybe that is something on @Condor can do, he is the real champ when it comes to networking around email servers.

    And precisely, losing out important communication is why I am avoiding own email server and even migrating out of Gmail. I have linked my current email to so many places that chances are high I could potentially miss out something.

    Maybe Mail-in-a-box can help but still risky.

    Just like you, I too am looking at Microsoft as I am able to secure a decent email address and the quality of their products has significantly increased over past few years. Also, OneDrive is much better than Google Drive and not to forget, with a 100GB subscription, I get to use all their Office apps wherever I am. So kinda cool.
  • 0
    @NoToJavaScript

    One thing I am not sure of is whether they allow custom domain like there is tweaky hack in Gmail which allows you to send and receive emails from custom domains.

    Also using Android without a Google account, Search, and YouTube is a challenge. MS suck at these three.

    What other potential issues did you face during the migration?

    WRT your second comment, I use it for myself and my parents to avoid ads via PiHole. Other than that, it serves no major purpose. Since, I love feed curation and very cautious about the content I consume, I have hosted the server in Deutschland and other regional and language configs are UK. So that confuses the sites and search results so I get pretty decent and kind of neutral results because results from my country are absolute shit. Torrents indirectly work in my country even when they are banned. Using Stremio as of now.
  • 1
    @atheist
    I learned this hard way, never stick your dick in crazy. They are mindless energy sucking dark holes who leave you for another victim when they cannot exploit your more.
    I am not judging you bro. We do make mistakes and learn from them. This incident boost my EQ.

    It's been 3+ months that I walked away and still being harassed randomly. Glad that you were able to deal with it but yeah it sucks.

    Yes bro, I think that too. I still have heal and recover from the trauma. I am just giving it some more time and going with the flow.

    I did take therapy. Rather I am fan of it. A lot of things were addressed and now all I need is self work. A lot of folks here do talk about mental health and are very supportive.

    After making this post, some of my friends here did drop me a DM on Telegram and people are nice here which is why dR is awesome :)

    Thanks bro.
  • 0
    @homo-lorens I agree. Still a long way to go. Will get there someday soon :)

    Yes, along with Proton we also have https://soverin.net/

    However, there are few other services linked to Google is what I am more concerned of when I think of migration.
  • 0
    @Nanos Haha yes EQ++

    >Grass is greener in Europe ?
    When you are standing in shit, any kind of grass is greener. LOL

    I want to have good co-founders. While I do have decent ones but I am unable to find motivation myself to pursue it. Maybe because I still lack knowledge and wisdom to go into it full time.

    I used to help others and still do but now I have become very cautious of whom I offer help. This attitude landed me in front of that narc. Realised, not all deserved to be helped.
  • 0
    @theKarlisK no. Never was on any dR servers.
  • 1
  • 0
    @theKarlisK Telegram. Same username.
  • 0
    @scout kya hai ab?
  • 1
  • 0
    @scout aapki sangat ka asar hai 😏
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