34
Condor
10d

So a few months ago I started dating. I love my girlfriend with all my heart, but something has been bothering me a bit. I can no longer easily do my day-to-day work. Whereas previously I would be productive at any time I want, now it's more of a "I can work whenever she wants to work". It's hard to balance and even harder to actually get to it.

Previously I would stay with her during the day, and then wake up in the night to do all the household chores, learn her language and if I can get to it, even improve some of my shitty code. Needless to say, she didn't like that I didn't sleep with her and it's not exactly healthy either - I barely slept at all.

How do you balance work/relationship without throwing sleep time in the mix? Both work and girlfriend are at home for me.

Comments
  • 20
    Draw a clean hard line, when the time is for work and when the time is for her. Otherwise prioritize which is more important, and accept that you will lose a bit of the other.
    We've established the headphones rule. When they are on, i'm busy.
  • 12
    I think clear and open communication is the key. She has to understand that work time is work time.

    You can put some "do not disturb" sign at your door when you're working.
  • 5
    You also need to share with her your work plan. When it's work time focus like hell!!! When it's lady time, do that with all your heart and mind and attention. Also don't think about it too much to the extent it begins to stress you, realize that 1 is more important than the other (your girlfriend i suppose) but don't let the other one (your work) suffer. Be yourself and be happy. And make time for yourself to recharge and be very strict about your time boundaries. You could also work with her to develop her own stuff i.e encourage her to also get hobbies or develop her hobby, ask her about her job generally develop a healthy balance.
  • 6
    Be firm, a relationship is about balance and compromise between the two. If she loves you she’ll understand.
  • 7
    First, do not live together if you cannot respect each other's space and time.

    People often do that mistake of starting to live together too early or at all.
  • 3
    @JKyll true but I don't think loving someone just helps you understand. You both need to talk it through and come to a compromise
  • 3
    @iiii plus 1 for this I honestly think its better not to live together before making a final commitment. I think it makes things difficult for if you need to make a clear headed decision about the relationship kind of makes it hard .also you do need that alone time after spending some time getting to know each other eg through dates etc plus you begin to make decisions like you're already married eg splitting bills and all that
  • 2
    @HitWRight @Fast-Nop @ochuwa @JKyll

    Thanks a lot for these comments, we eventually resolved it. Headphones were my personal favorite since I already like listening to music while working. Eventually we ended up settling on that and most importantly, discussing our work for the day when we wake up. This way we're both on the same page and both of us get to be productive for the day.
  • 1
    @iiii While true, I do not consider it grounds to give up. In a healthy relationship you must make compromises and gradually gravitate towards one another. Living together for about a month now, that's exactly what we're doing. It's hard at first, but totally worth it. For the most part, I would say that it's important to communicate about such things.
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