If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.


Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the Seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

  • 36
    I currently don't know how to put this. But I think the Linux Air description is too simplistic and way to romantic. I am a Linux/UNIX guy since the early 90s and I am glad that these systems exist and wouldn't ever use anything else but I think the Linux world is a total mess. Let me see. I am with you until the counter thingy. But then I think it is more of the UNIX Air thing but with lots of self-opinionated people (not the lot but too many and RMS is one of them) that think they know exactly how a plane should fly even though in the end they all build exactly the same plane but with different screws. And that is the problem. Every Linux Air plane used different screws and has a different way of tightening them but in the end do the same. So you couldn't switch planes easily. Also every LA plane has a different quirk that makes flying unpleasant in some way. Those quirks could be fixed easily, if LA build just one or two great planes but every Cptn thinks their quirk is the best.
  • 5
    This is so funny but fuck yeah its true
  • 1
    Best ever! Thanks for giving me stiches.
  • 5
    And RMS sees this and gets angry, Becuase there is no GNU. Whole airline system explodes 😝
  • 4
    Also in Linux they give you wrong screwdriver, your travel-mate has your parts, and if you ask someone for help - they say "read instructions and do it yourself", but your instruction is written by orangutan on monocycle. It takes you longer to build one chair than traveling with Windows, like 20x longer
  • 1
    @runfrodorun well, I think we understand your point now
  • 0
    @runfrodorun "every example from the last 20 years"

    And there's your problem.
  • 0
    @runfrodorun That you're basing your opinion of modern Windows' stability off of how it was 10+ years ago.

    Windows 7 doesn't crash any more than my Ubuntu 14.04 LTS system at work. Actually, it's probably fair to say it crashes *less*, given how shitty Ubuntu is (why oh why oh why can't we just use RHEL...).
  • 2
    You forgot to add to the linux flight that you get your choice of seat, and throughout the entire flight there is non stop bickering about what seat type is best.
  • 0
    I like this 90s Windows jokes, remind me when i was young and windows was bad... Than since windows 7 i had not a single freeze, blue screen or slow down, at least you're not so dumb to click on the first banner or exe that you see,or if you're using shitty drivers because you bought cheap hardware, but i know haters gonna hate... I gad to usa a mac for 12 hours and was a nightmare, 3 crashes included... But but it's apple, is impossible... Brain washed oeople
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