About<aboutme> If anyone bothers to read and screenshot this, I'll personally build you a website for free* </aboutme> *FAKE NEWS
SkillsI'm playing with so many sneks! HEEEEEELLLLP
Joined devRant on 5/14/2016
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I once had a client who wanted a system where no matter what type of file someone uploaded we'd make a PDF out of it. I don't mean "print to PDF", I mean like a straight conversion. A picture, a doc file, a speadsheet, an MP3, a video, a CAD file, a .ivt file format you and I make up right now and tell no one else about for storing Iowan votes, anything.
I told him that was impossible.* There are indeed things out there where you can print to a pdf, but it would mean that a program that knows what a .grml file is, and how to represent it on paper, assuming it even can be, is involved in the middle.
He refused to believe me, and found a company where the sales person swore up and down their product could do it. I said "then you explained it wrong" and we went back and forth. It culminated in me being put in contact with THEIR programmer. I explained what he was looking for. Their programmer replied along the lines of "but that's impossible, and also what would a PDF of half these examples even look like?" I basically said "I know, but your guy is telling my guy you can do this, so you need to tell your guy to STFU before we ALL get roped into trying to convert Duke Nukem maps and zip files full of dlls to pdfs."
Luckily it finally died after that, but the whole ordeal took months.
*I'm being direct/blunt for the sake of brevity when recapping what I said, just fill in the usual "talking with a client niceties"13
Imagine an alternate universe where websites are actually just raw markup and style sheets.
People read this and imagine what the website look like.6
A company on my LinkedIn is looking for a Jedi programmer to hire again... I guess their first Jedi didn't fair so well.10
Slogging through half baked code, I wondered to myself... Who the fuck is Robert and where is he?
Quickly searching through Google and finding a handful of results I see that he had left long ago. Probably leaving for good reason. I'll never be able to ask him though. Never will I know why he left. He probably has a very sensible reason, but goddamn do I wish he left something that I could use to discern what he has created.
There is no documentation, no reasonable information about why anything was built the way it was, only just mountains of rusty ass baren code to scale down.5
I did a thing. And I'm super happy about it. I just wanted to share.
I bought an LLC and have registered a domain name for it. I know there's a bit of a stigma about people who are always saying that they have ideas. But I'd like to think those with ideas that are willing to commit to them and actually create something with the idea instead of making others do it, is what matters the most.
Anyways. I'm not going to share anything about the idea because it is still in its infancy and I want to release it when it actually has traction.2
Woah! Is that an ad I spy!
@dfox is this a bug or a feature?
Or is my machine just haxed right now?2
I wanted to see what would happen if I let a computer type for me.
It was able to reach 770 WPM but then my browser started to crash. So this is the best I could do. It doesn't look like the website was equipped for robots. Oops3
Seniority sucks sometimes.
Today I took the time to figure out the API for a shipping website.
I was super proud of this and figured that this could be useful for our application but the guy who has been there for 5+ years was like "no we have used an API for a previous client and caused the application to slow down by 1.2 seconds."
Of course in my mind I'm like, "but what was the API that you used? When I use it, it's running and returning in milliseconds. Surely you're not doing it right."
Of course because of his seniority I'm not going to say that.
It just sucks a lot because I spent a lot of time reverse engineering the API. It would have been nice to have been noticed for that work.6
Was asked to log into a website by my company and I swear something was up... I needed to double-check
Yup... it's even worse than I thought.6
I absolutely hate my math class....
But... what's this!!!? You're using an old ass website that uses a JSON API to send my lesson scores to my school's grading website?
Well damn... wouldn't it be a shame if someone were to somehow tap into that API and override the grades for each assignment?5
I don't have much to rant about mostly because my stories aren't very interesting but also mostly because I'm kinda unaware of people's anger.4
You want to know what's probably the worse thing about working where I work?
We are working with a language that has been obsolete for over 17 years.
But because the application is so heavily integrated between all of our clients there really is nothing we can do about it.
They are trying to move to ASP.NET but it is fucking slow as fuck.
I have to support this, and I'm learning a bunch of classic ASP that might not even be useful to anyone in the current work industry... maybe...5
GF: Honey... What is that thing called... It's like a neverending if statement...
Me: ... A while loop?
GF: YEAH!! It's a while loop in the brain!2
Yusuke Endoh: This is a Ruby program that generates Rust program that generates Scala program that generates ...(through 128 languages in total)... REXX program that generates the original Ruby code again.
Me: OH MAH GAWWD! WHY!!
Literally the worst part about my boss is that he has to talk over everyone. I can't get a fucking moment to say anything.
Its really fucking exhausting.
I've just learned to not say anything because it's not fucking worth it.1
Oh... You're holding my repo up for ransom? Hah you're funny. I'm not paying money for the garbage I haven't touched since...
git push -f3
You know what Linux has taught me? That above anything, a computer is just a tool. There is a lot you can do with the tool, but do not depend on it so much that you fear losing it.1
How dangerous am I?
I code it live.
I code while people are working on our website and make all the changes live. And if I notice an abrupt stop in responses to our logs I git stash my changes.6
Me: Did Sherry let you know that I'm leaving today?
Coworker: what!? No!
Me: yeah... I'm leaving.
Coworker: huh, I'm not surprised...
Me: what is that supposed to mean!?
Co: shit man, this job sucks, I'm not surprised. I'll be leaving right behind you.
Me: oh.... Um... April Fools... 😬
Co: God damnit.
Me: don't worry, I won't tell the boss how you really feel.5
I created an undefined rant. And it never received any attention. I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm a little surprised. Kinda cool. I could create entirely public but unnoticeable rants.
Kind of like my life
In the darkest dankest parts of the code, I have discovered a way to get the tag UNDEFINED to show up in this rant. They call things that are unknown a black box. But you see, if you have a good enough shot gun, you can begin to blow enough holes through the box to figure out what's inside. I never said that whatever was inside the box was going to make it out... I just wanna get a good idea of what was inside.4
Her: Who are you texting over there?
Me: Texting my new girlfriend.
Me: Jk, it's devrant.
Her: I knew it, you're texting that girl Devranta.2
Manager: We are hiring a new graphic designer today. Can you get him settled in, please?
Me: Sure, I can do that.
Me: *shakes hand of new recruit.*
Me: I've heard great things about you.
Him: *starts going off on all his experience*
Me: that's great. Let's see what you got.
Several hours later...
Me: can I see what you got?
Him: just putting the last finishing touches on this logo.
Me: is that MSPaint!?
Him: yeah! It's good right?