23
Floydimus
136d

I am at the lowest point of my mental health. Lol

I hope it doesn't get any lower than this because I have reached my breaking point.

I have nobody to talk to. I don't want to be a cry baby, nagging and whining all the time.

My friends here Jason (from Zurich and not Australia) and Rutee07 were in similar position when I last spoke to them here. I wonder what happened to them!

Shall I call in for yet another superficial therapy session? Or shall I just wait for the feeling to pass and continue being busy?

Comments
  • 13
    I can relate. My mental health is also the worst it’s ever been (or, nearly).

    Dissociation and derealization, apathy, depression, can’t think or understand things well, loss of emotions, extremely poor memory, total inability to focus (I managed an hour’s work last week), near-constant physical exhaustion, breakdowns where I’m completely debilitated for hours, etc. (If I had the wherewithal for it, I would, and should, be frightened.)

    Also, I miss Rutee. I haven’t had the ability to be a good friend, despite trying my hardest, and have lost all of them. That and work and family and health and all the things I need to do… It’s all so much more than I can manage. Most days, even the little things are completely overwhelming.

    But I’m doing a little better — talking with a therapist, and making tiny steps forward every few days. Work is still abysmal, but I’ll get there. And if I don’t in time, I’ll recover faster without a job and will find another.

    Don’t be like me and struggle until you can no longer even crawl. Reach out for help, if you can. I’d offer company and an ear, but mine don’t really work at the moment. I’m rooting for you, though!
  • 7
    @Root *virtual hug*

    I hear you dude. I know how it feels and at times we are at loss of words to even express it or take it out of our system.

    While I am also not in the best state of mind, I am more than happy to offer any help and support I can for you to vent out or just hear you without judgement.

    My Telegram is same as devRant id.

    I wish more power and good vibes for you. Thank you for being a wonderful friend, I am fortunate to have met you :)
  • 1
    @jasonpezzimenti thanks bro. Really appreciate you always being so supportive :)
  • 1
    Can talk to us here, consider it group therapy.
  • 1
    Anything specific causing you pain ?
  • 3
    Take a vacation
    Make sure you sleep well
    Relax
    Learn a new skill or hobby
    Avoid the news, social networks and games that piss you off

    Just... Take care if yourself first dude. No one else is going to take care of #1 if you don't. And honestly nothing else in the world matters more than your own health
  • 3
    @Hazarth Learned this a very hard way. It's still difficult to implement and I am trying.

    @Nanos I am being systematically abused by my parents and family and am only valued as long as I provide (financially) to them. The moment I stop it will be the moment they discard my existence and I will be of no value to them.

    I have reached my breaking point and just unable to process any emotion or cope up.
  • 2
    I think you should bro. Mental health is important.
  • 1
    I feel awful as well. Welcome to the club.

    Can't say it's the worst overall. Probably not, but still pretty awful and tiring.
  • 2
    @iiii the feeling of being unwanted and being used as a provider with no emotions is awful.
  • 1
    @johnmelodyme I did bro and it was useful.
  • 3
    It's good to have a good support system, but for now i think you should go to therapy.

    About the situation with your family, take a step back and find something you can change about it. It could be anything, big or small, just focus on that.

    Family can suck sometimes, my solution at times has been to cut ties or let them sort it out by themselves.
  • 1
    @darksideofyay I no longer have a support system.

    My parents and relatives hate me with every inch of their soul, I don't understand why.

    All they care for is me funding them. I wish I could cut ties and go away forever. I no longer care for my or their existence.
  • 3
    @Floydimus don't be afraid of cutting ties. I think that's the best advice i can give you in your case. People will say "oh but it's your family!" but if it's toxic, just get out. Just cause you're related to them by blood doesn't mean you're chained to them.

    It's tough to be in a situation that you don't know how to fix, but we can't control people or their actions, we can only control how we respond to them.
  • 3
    @darksideofyay I am not afraid of cutting ties with them.

    It's the process that's ling and painful, especially with pandemic situation.

    More so, my family is full of egostical fucks who'll listen to one side of the story and blame. I'll have to plan and slowly move out of their lives to not get noticed, otherwise they'll make every possible attempt to ruin my life without any remorse.
  • 2
    Maybe put some of the money (or all) that would have spent on relatives into a hobby. You said you would want to do bonsai trees. Put money and get training to make that. See if there is a bonsai club near you. Make new friends. My guess is a group like that would be really relaxing atmosphere.

    If you cannot find a local place for that find another relaxing hobby.
  • 2
    Sorry you’re feeling shit, any luck with jobs outside of your country?

    Are you able to tell your family that you lost your job or had a paycut? Make them do the work of cutting ties.

    I’d say do what helps. If putting it all on here works then do that. If distractions help then do that. Sometimes you need to do what’s necessary to get through it.
  • 2
    @Demolishun pandemic restrictions to go outside.

    I am currently pursuing my music hobby and trying to find some time to go and purchase a practice pad to learn drumming.

    I think you are right. Keeping busy is the only way to get out of the rut.

    @UnicornPoo thanks dude for being there.

    Not much luck. When I started my job hunt, I landed good companies but since the momentum wasn't there, I failed and then struggled to get feedback from the companies to improve. When I did, my mental health went down but I started to learn a lot at current role (though location is a mess) so decided to stick around with a confused state on shall I continue job hunt or not.

    I don't think I can lie to parents but yes, dumping here has always helped me. I have started to shut out a lot and burry my emotions and feelings. You are right, I need to figure out a channel to process the emotions and thoughts.

    I don't see much luck in a job overseas because of the pandemic right now.

    Thanks for being there.
  • 4
    Can relate to everything you wrote. Just take a break from everything. I know it can be challenging to do it, but try to stop, relax, go somewhere and just do whatever you like
  • 2
    @Root Also especially now, when feeling shit and sad and miss someone on here you remember how many likelable members on here is gone.

    AlexDeLarge, Alice, Linuxxx, Condor, FrodoSwaggings, Stuxnet, fuck2code and many more.

    Kinda makes me numb, especially when i used to invest so much time here and got now joy from this platform.

    Now like everything else i just dont get the same joy from here and dont really give a fuck about anything anymore.
  • 3
    @Frederick Yeah… This place feels so much more lonely and desolate now.

    (And don’t forget Rutee.)
  • 2
    @Root Yeah, definitely one of my favorite persons i have befrinded on here. We did a lot of shit posting on here with Jilano.

    Sadly i never got Rutee added on discord, when we both were active on a private server together.
  • 1
    @Floydimus

    Family are difficult..

    I wish I knew answers there myself.
  • 4
    I really hope things get better for you. Just one thing I can say is that if you can, living separately from them, preferably in a different city, helps quite a bit. I changed jobs for this very reason so I could move to a different city in India pre-COVID even though it wasn't ideal from a career point of view.

    When you start to build a new network and a new lifestyle separate from your current, everything changes for everyone.
  • 3
    @Nanos Nobody does and it is complicated.

    @-red thanks bro. Trying to get out of this country asap.
  • 1
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