13
kiki
219d

That time when I ranted about wanting to commit suicide but not having enough energy to go and buy a gun.

That day in the evening, I asked my GF: "I think that the whole life is a humongous rationalization on top of biological avoidance of death".

She has an untreatable neurological disease. She told me "I found out it's a consensus among different philosophers. It absolutely is. I just prefer not to think about it".

Comments
  • 4
    Why would you want to commit suicide? you're successful, CTO of a company, have a gf, my life is an endless stream of...nothingness, yet I'm still grateful as many people have it worse.
  • 3
    @thirdworld bipolar disorder doesn’t care about your salary :(
  • 2
    Sometimes I have the same thoughts on life and the sense of it. Fortunately not to the extent of thinking to commit suicide. I always think about maybe I can find sense of life in giving support and love to others, who doesn't have such destructive thoughts. Maybe to raise children and educate them right that they can have a try to find their fulfilment in life. Or becoming a CEO and creating good payed jobs and untoxic working conditions so that they have better opportunities. Or getting rich and donate to charities. Each of the actual actions are stupid and senseless in itself because you cant keep these things after you died. But affecting other life's give these things and actions sense. Life is just a recursive function and we are iterations. If you return null, the next iteration has nothing to do :D Oof programmer humor gone emotional :D
  • 2
    @BixelPitch it's good, but that's the catch with mental disorders — they don't care about your actions at all. If you feel worthless because of a mental disorder, no action can make you feel otherwise.
  • 2
    @kiki True. I have a lot of people in my family and my circle of friends. If I go to deep into too personal discussion say "shut up bitch u don't know me", but do you receive medical treatments like anti depression pills? If you have a good doctor, you can get a good medication to somehow life "normally" (huge quotation marks). But I know people, which decline anti depressants, because they change kind of who they are...
  • 1
    @BixelPitch meds absolutely don’t change who you are, except for one specific disorder — schizophrenia. Other than that, your personality flourishes when you take the correct medication that is adequate for your disorder.

    Depression brings a huge penalty on your intelligence. Correct treatment mitigates that penalty, so you can think clean and really be who you are. Anyone who denies that is just misinformed.
  • 1
    @BixelPitch I’m bipolar, and quetiapine-300 and lamotrigine are the reasons I can live at least without constant dizziness, grief and derealization. My treatment hasn’t changed my personality in the slightest. It merely set it free.
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