41
JsonBoa
39d

Once upon a time, there were a restaurant called "iEat.tech.com".
It was a small single-location place, where the sufficient number of patrons could be served by the cozy number of employees.
In fact, headcount was so lean that the cook was also the one who washed all the dishes.

But then came the suits and their "VC"(daddy) money and scaled shit up.
Soon, there were so many patrons that the dishes started to pile up the sink, never washed.
"We need someone to wash the dishes!" said the cook
"Fuck you, you wash the dishes!" said the s*its
Naturally, the cook left soon after.

The s*its had a problem now. They could not replace the cook fast enough - all other cooks were either young, inexperienced and mediocre (but did clean the dishes), or refused to waste their time on the sink.
So the suits did what $*its always do - they got a fucking consultant. Who told them to get a fucking dishwashing machine and billed them the GDP of Ireland.

The s*is, of course, did not want to buy a dishwashing machine. "Our fucking process is too fucking disruptive for us to use a fucking store-bought mass-produced metal servant!" (s*its don't know what "machines" are. For them, it's all in terms of "servants", employees and machines alike).

So the s*its hired an engineer to "solve the fucking dish problem, once and for all".
The engineer quickly started measuring and drawing and calculating. The engineer was about to prepare a budget when the s*its came screaming "What the fuck are you doing? There is a fucking pile of dishes in the sink!"
The engineer replied that "I'm designing the machine!", to what the s*its responded "don't bring me fucking problems, bring me solutions!" (or some other s*it blabber)

So the engineer quickly designed an efficient dishwashing assembly line to be done in half the time most people would. And then went back to designing the machine.
But the s*its were having none of it. They kept expanding and expanding and doing what they could so that the engineer never had a moment to work on the machine. They dit it so surreptitiously that no one barely even noticed, but one day they were paying a team of engineers to be fucking human dishwashers.

Now replace "dishes" with "Jira tickets" or "quick fixes" or "tiny changes" and fix other terms accordingly.
Fucking s*its.

Comments
  • 4
    @lambda123 I have half a mind to hire you now.
  • 4
    suites alwasys think they help when really they fuck all things beyond all belief
  • 0
    😱
  • 3
    I have been looking for a Jira ticket washing machine for ages
  • 0
    What are s*is s*its? Why the star what are these people?
  • 1
    @jeeper "good software design" is a great name for a Jira ticket washing machine. It clears the stains out of most user stories!
  • 3
    @jonas-w "suits" are undeservingly rich jerks that use outdated colonialist British clothes to work and behave like obnoxious entitled brats.
    The star is there to highlight how a simple regex can make "suits" into "shits". It also works with a money sign $ instead of the first s.

    Now "s*is" is just a typo.
  • 0
    @JsonBoa I would accept that answer but s* would mean 0 or many S's right? Wouldn't the correct regex be `s.*its` ?
  • 0
    @iSwimInTheC I stand corrected.
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