Every passing day in this country drives me crazier.

Someday, maybe soon, I'll go insane.

I feel claustrophobic and suffocated. My interests are changing even if I don't desire to. Feels like a forced changed, as the new ones don't necessarily make me happy, and rather remould me to fit into a toxic environment/society.

While I was raised in this environment, most of my opinions formed via internet which had a heavy influence from the west. When I got to my sense, almost at the age of 24, was the time when I started forming opinions. Internet was my only pal. Family/friends never bothered about me. And now when I dream of and work hard towards moving out, the same family/friends guilt me into not doing so. Maybe they care now, maybe they are jealous, maybe something else.

Even if I settle down here, convincing myself that I desire such a life and counting the benefits of doing so, it won't make me happy.

The heart wants, what the heart wants.

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    The guilt trip will never stop by the way, though it is hard to compare my mom to your family I guess. Social -/ culture in India I'd guess plays a big role here.

    Back to my mom. She still calls me every few weeks starting the phone call with: "You haven't called, again - so I wanted to make sure you're still alive'. With the typical tone in a mom's voice that seems genetically imprinted in ones DNA to feel guilty...

    .... Though I always answer the same: "Mom, if u want to call or come over for a visit, you're welcome anytime. I'm not a fan of telephone calls even before I moved out."

    Which she usually ignores and then rambles for 2 hours about all the stuff that's been going on.

    I'd somehow learned to accept her "guilt attacks" as an emotional problem expressing her concerns, my brain can deal easier with it that way. It used to drive me nuts by the way in my teenage years and led to more than one "rage fueled dispute" between me and my mother... Cause she is truly a master of invoking guilt - either verbally or by "playing the intonation right".
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    no person in India is mentally happy or stable.

    The extreme cultural heritage + the recent uprising of intolerance (i call that "rebelling secularism") will demand you to make an opinion, to become either the oppressor or oppressed. It's fucking crazy and me too don't understand what to do.

    the charms of other countries don't attract me. India is fine for me, but it's not livable anymore.

    >the recent nuper sharma BS has reached linkedin now. the new age "content creators" have taken on the responsibility to become the new targeted ads algorithm, the one used to brainwash US people in 2016

    > i see kids making sex jokes and write/do more mature stuff than what i could, at my age. meanwhile the kid from my neighborhood is a recently engaged software engg, doesn't know how to drive a car or street names beyond our locality. upcoming gens are disaster , wanna grow asap but learn 0 practical stuff

    >..(char limit)
    i could write a book on shittiness i see each day. get out while you can
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    Get out.
    It's not like you are really gonna escape the mountains of shit that are human social culture - that shit is everywhere. What you will find elsewhere, however, is disconnection.
    Heh, where I live, politics and culture are a shitshow. But it's not *my* shitshow. I feel sufficiently detached to go around shit and do my business. Even the home front seems a bit *faded*. It's easy to escape the mindfuck of truck drivers and farmers clogging road arteries of you are a continent of two away, regardless of your opinion of them.
    Thus, as that song that my girls play on an endless loop says, "it's funny how some distance makes everything seem small"
    So get away. Go live a different life away from your neck of the toxic woods. Somewhere where the problems are someone else's and the distance and other entry barriers keep most of your birth problems away.
    It's lonely, sometimes. But it would rather be dry and lonely that swimming in toxic people.
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    @IntrusionCM I feel this so badly, the generation gap is a horrible thing.

    They believe that if we do not function their way, then our lives are fucked, but they fail to understand that this is the new way of existing, socialising, and building relationships.

    The constant pressure to live according to their terms is a soul drain.

    What's ironic is that they feel that they are doing a favour/great job by moulding us to their ways.

    They don't know that many kids who abandon their parents is because how toxic the parenting was. Maybe someday I might escape for my existence and needs. I cannot live in guilt or provide constantly when I get nothing in return at all.

    @JsonBoa I am not afraid of loneliness, I am afraid of being with the wrong kind. It's better to be alone and do your shit, than with beings who force you to their own ways where you constantly regret of not following your dreams and don't live happy.
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