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The thing with meetings is that most don't know what a (formal) meeting is.
A meeting has a specific time frame, a defined agenda with specific topics and a moderator or an agreement on a common netiquette.
That's a meeting.
A meeting is not a place to put your willy on the desk and proof to everyone that your cock is thx to operation a long schlong who won't get hard, nor that you don't know how to shave, even less to measure the size of your genitals.
It's neither the time to eat and slurp like a fucking hobgoblin, nor to drink like an alcoholic who hasn't had a drop of alcohol in the last hour.
Parents, I don't care what your satanic offspring achieved today, nor how cute they are, even less what booboo they have.
Crybabies, keep your whining for after meeting time, maybe even stop crying and just have a nice talk outside of allocated time frames to discuss whom hurt whom the most and who has the most sand in his clit.
Get to the fucking point.
If I wanted to read a trilogy to understand what you contribute, I'd have written it on the agenda.
If it's not on the agenda, cram it in your butt cheeks for the next time you need to shit.
If you can't converse with people at all, the meeting is allocated at least 24 hours before it happens.
Prepare yourself for goddamn sake.
You could even read out a predefined text if you want, noone cares.11
Yjdhdjxdndnckxksmxnx hi xksndnxjxjdndnxjskjx d d xjdjdnd xjjd e dnxjsnd fbcjrnd f ffjkrenf djdjer r. D Jo ne e djcjdje r fjcje Rd joke r dkskxjd e emskxnr e dndxkje e dndxkje e dmdkdkfke dmxk see nemdm
Elasticsearch, from the bottom of my heart...
How can one ecosystem be so batshit crazy inconsistent?
Seemingly every agent does the same (e.g. filebeat vs journalbeat vs packetbeat)… yet there are subtle changes in configuration everywhere.
Plus YML. The most shitty markup language one can use and the cockslubbing durps used it fucking everywhere.
Makes fun to have complex stuff and requiring a python Jinja to JSON to YML converter to be able to write the complex stuff without having the fucking migraine to count like a stupid 4 year old whitespace with both hands...
To make it even more absurd: the ingest pipelines which contain a lot of regular expressions / grok and are thus very prone to quoting issues... Yes. Let's do this in YML too.
If you need to add an fucking manual section how to debug YML errors you should have realized what a fucking stupid idea it was, morons.
Now I have the joy of having a python script regex quoting the shit for a Jinja template which then generates JSON which then generates YML.
Why the JSON part?
Yeah... Because ECS and changes in the upstream YML files / GitHub.
To be able to run diffs in a sane way because in YML distinguishing thing is pretty much impossible, so JSON as an intermediary format solely for the purpose of converting upstream YML to JSON to diff it against modified JSON ingest pipelines downstream.
I fucking hate elasticsearch8
Contenders for arseholes this week
- Elasticsearch as their implemented product identification and integration in client libraries like Python to exclude OpenSearch made a lot of things very painful. Yay....
- Microsoft decided to integrate kill switches in Exchange. Yeah.... Great stuff.
- Atlassian has another week of dumbness - after they botch release after release, they killed Slack with DNS
- Adoptium still hasn't managed to provide repositories after fucking up it's transition from AdoptOpenJDK
- No, a project with JDK 8 makes no sense anymore, take that shit and burn it. JDK 11 the same, would be great if we had a Repository working for JDK 17 Adoptium....
- unwanking a TLS setup by integrating an intermediary load balancer to deal with several outdated TLS implementation is a kind of thing that's really scary...
(TLS 1.3 in, TLS 1.1 - TLS 1.3 out... Theoretically all solutions have TLS 1.2… most of them non working. Solutions is a wild bunch from different vendors)
- If you buy a fucking new Apple with an Arm Chipset, ram it up so far up your arse it gets dissolved in stomach acid.
It's an arm. There's tons of compatibility problems of course. No you shouldn't listen to what the marketing says. No I cannot shit rainbows and make it work.
- German election. No politics I know, but still.
- New neighbors decided to move in. Friendly person's. Except I wanted to murder them since they choose 22 o clock for moving time.
- I forgot putting the heater on. Ever woken up frozen like fuck and having a hard week... It's a good combo to break any form of motivation.
The company next to me is renovating. Waking up to the feeling of an earth quake because they demolish their old building is another thing that makes me unhappy.
It's Friday. I survived.17
For frigging fucks sake, I wanna smash some plates, trash the furniture, break some walls, get a tank and shoot stuff.
I'm so fucking angry.
And I dunno why.
Maybe I'm pregnant, dunno, but being emotional and angry isn't my forte.
Where's the shitty motherfugging off button and who wrote the manual for this mediocre piece of shit called soul?11
Reminder to all the nice admins / devs out there who might have an ancient project / device / docker image / ....
Shouldn't matter for most things...
If it matters, it might be a very very very good idea to nuke it from the orbit and start fresh. :) ;)1
Today I had to explain a bit of ressource planing for the coming quarter and ahead.
All in all I knew what I was talking about, but given our tight budget, it''s a lot of moving stuff to either put the hardware to rest or to recycle it.
Moving in sense of new hardware, migrate old to new, decommission / recycle stuff.
After roughly half an hour I stopped and asked If I really should continue, as I felt bored by myself and it's really hard to follow when the whole thing looks exactly like the guy in the nice picture under the post...
A colleague of mine answered: I can still follow, but I'm terrified.
I somehow burst into a mixture of laughing and crying cause that was exactly my thought.
It's gonna be fun... Way easier than the last time, but still. XD
Was at least a funny meeting...
We stopped after everyone calmed down and talked the rest of the time bullshit.
By the way: I look exactly like the dude during planning. :)2
As there was a lot of talk on the last times about JDK / Java and the release of JDK 17… found this gem via Planet KDE.
JDK 8 - JDK 17 Summary with Examples
Thanks to the author!
Thanks to Kevin Ottens for having weekly something interesting to read, too:
Private chat pops up. (- separator for new message)
- (1 min)
Can you help me?
- (2-3 mins)
Please it's urgeeeent!!!!!
- (1 min)
Come on you're online, I see the green dot.
- (5 mins)
Ok then I won't be able to work. Will write this down in the ticket.
- (15 mins) - new private chat pops up
Hi, we need to talk.
- (3 mins)
Regarding ticket XY, why aren't you responding? It's really urgent.
- (5 mins)
Please notify me as soon as you're available, it's really important!!!
- (20 mins, new private chat opens)
Hi mate, I think the devs are up to mischief. Said you're not reachable, I'll try to poke them with the stun gun.
- (60 mins, message in the official and only endorsed support room)
@all We broke staging, <Me> never responds and <Team mate who tried to use the stun gun> wasn't helpful either.
We really need this now!!!!!!!
- 30 mins later... la me:
@all I was in a meeting with the stakeholders as we had an priority meeting... What was so important that you not only ignored the rule of not messaging privately and even ignored <team mate>s instructions?
- 5 mins later, answer
no need to be so unfriendly.... We broke staging as we had to test stuff out for next week's sprint review [something which is still 3 days away or sth like that]. We really need to take a look in the team at it and for that we must have staging working now!!!!
- (La me)
If you need it urgent now, you didn't plan ahead. And if you didn't plan ahead, you have to wait for others. The sprint review and all other important days are planned ahead for a reason.
- (20 mins later, private chat, team lead)
Will you finally fix staging now?
- La me
If it could wait 3 hours now and you / your team ignored all netiquette, it can wait till next day, too. We had this discussion more than once, I don't think I need to explain this further.
All in all, the joys of communication...
Now the fun stuff is when this not only happens with 1 team, but many teams....
Having 35 - 40 private chats and chat window looking like a christmas tree thx to the immeasurable amount of notifications and colors... Yay...
Did I mention that I hate the ego some programmers have -.10
If I close my eyes will all the problems pleas go away?
These days where you haven't slept, woke up to smartphone having seizures and work began by spawning into a combat zone.
No I wasn't ready to fight, me wants sleep.
Oracle JDK needed....
Oracle JDK Download requires Oracle Account..... To circumvent as I don't want a motherfugging shitty oracle account tons of googling and loading shit from not so trustful pages.
TLS 1.0 and WebJDK require Internet Explorer.....
And an even older version of Oracle JDK 8....
Broken keyboard input....
As on Laptop for Windows / Internet Explorer additionally struggling with keyboard...
Mounting SMB Share requires password change, as my password contains invalid characters....
Finally getting shit to load GParted...
Taking fucking ages to load.
Broken keyboard input, no pasting.....
Chrooting / input becomes a 15 min exercise.
Actual input necessary on chroot: 1 command.
Actual time needed to get there : 2 1/2 h.
When that one old machine dies noone was aware of. And this one old machine is only accessible via an IPMI... As noone even knows where that machine is.
Weekend dead. Weekend is so fucking dead and overrated.2
Motherfucking shitty depression kicks me around like a fucking wet teabag.
Shit doesn't get done
Motherfuckers are annoying me
And this constant whining....
Why can't we have new hardware....
Because it's fucking 'rona and you had a motherfucking frigging shitty ticket to clean the shit up so we don't need frigging fucking new hardware that takes ages to delivered
Now I have to give a seminar thx to some special guys showing up stoned on work law....
... Getting chewed out by management and tons of laughter was exactly the extra care package I needed… thx for the nice reminder that you are all shitbags.
I love my job and the team mates close me.
But the rest of the people seemingly nuked their brain and are really grinding their teeth down my emotional barriers.
Why is everyone seemingly obsessed with stupidity since Corona began...
2 more days.
Remember, just 2 more days.
Weekend is near...1
For fucks sake you mfugging frigging fucktards, whatever you did to your brain undo it before coming to work.
I'm not allowed to smash your head repeatedly in the desk but believe me I'll find a way to do so legally.
And if u show up smashed and trashed in a discussion just shut the fuck up you idiotic moron
Why do people even go to work when it's seemingly just to terrorize other people?6
I kinda stumbled upon a feature of haproxy I wasn't aware of....
They have a html page per version allowing one to easily identify current vs last version and it's bugs.
It was by accident that I found it via haproxy --version.
Whoever did that - praised be thy name.
If it was always this easy.... It would make my life so much more joyful.
Finding release notes and "reliable" version changes is a pain in the ass.
I think this simple stupid html page is giving me a major boner of happiness. 😆😆😆
Anyone knows a good and cheap hoster for shared and dedicated hosting in the USA?
I'm kinda flabbergasted when e.g looking at Digital Ocean.
8 GB, 4 cores, shared - 40 $ per month.
Like... What the frigging fuck Oo9
One of my biggest weaknesses is that I'm having trouble with positive feedback.
It's kinda self defense because positive feedback usually means that a negative thing will happen.
One of the moments where I feel like a dev hero is when I can just accept the positive feedback.4
find ./upstream -maxdepth 1 -type d -ls >> potatoecode/.gitignore
git add .gitignore
git commit -m 'Updated gitignore" .gitignore
git rm -r --cached .
git add .
git commit -am "Purgatory"
*watching with a big smile the burning CI*
Story of how I made some devs today very sad. They now have the joyful task to think of a better way to code than to create a nightmare blob of modified source code from upstream - where upstream has ...
- a rest API
- an extension / plugin system
- an system to even modify db schema via an API.
But nooooo.... That would be too good.
Instead one just creates an potatohead of upstream source code with modifications without any version tracking or stuff like that.
Sometimes I really wonder if the devs at our company are masochists and want to be punished....6
The jolly of unriddling multiple DNS zone overrides to a static, single IP of a HAProxy loadbalancer which acts as a router and has domain based backend association rules, but frontend based CORS overrides.
My eyes are bleeding, my brain is defeated and I think I need more gaffa type to put together the pieces of what some puny humans call a soul.
A nice lil hotel, family style.
People come and go when they want.
Living together in the hotel like a family - for just having people around, someone to talk, learning interesting stuff.
Cooking, baking, maybe some livestock.
Colder weather, somewhere rural.
Tops if there is no internet available and the only news you can get is via radio transmitter, so I can just shut out all the madness of the world.
A nice quiet place with a social atmosphere and friendly people. Calm and soothing.1
I'll try to pay back some smaller credit by one large credit...
Hence I need to contact the banks and get one (!) fucking frigging stupid piece of paper which lists the account number and the amount of money I need to pay back.
Sounds simple ...
One bank just answered my email request by sending me that piece of paper. Except they didn't have any validation of my identity.
Yes. They answered the request of 'I want to pay back the credit in full, can u send me the necessary documents?' (more formal of course) with confidential data without any more credibility than my email address.
Another bank requests a telephone call for identity validation and sending back a signed form via postal service...
Another bank just needs a PDF sent via mail with an electric signature (yeah. They were aware of what that means - I was shocked and confused) or a "qualified signature matching previous documents" (translated from German).
The last one offers a WhatsApp number - send a GIF / JPG or video and we answer directly.
I need to reach a higher state than drunk.
It's not funny to know how confidential data gets mistreated by companies who should have the highest security.4
Hm, missed a bit this pile of sociopaths here on devRant.
Last few weeks:
I repeat myself, this shouldn't be hard.
Working on it for 5 mins.
O h m y g o d.
Quite nothing the past weeks worked like intended, people and management have been a complete desaster and the weather is killing me.
Oh. And my request to get an benzo perfursor and a sexy manly nurse was denied by my team colleague handling hardware management.
-.- He said me being in a good mood is the last missing sign that the apocalypse is happening.
Yeah. Shit is burning everywhere. We're e.g. getting hardware delivered by a supplier who said that the request *was* canceled (after 3 months...) Two days phoning back and forth, they don't understand how it was possible but we can keep the hardware. Yay. Except that we completely redid the whole planning a week before. Naaaayy....
And now I will do the best I can: get drunk.
I think that two criterias are important:
- don't block my productivity
- author should have his userbase in mind
1) Some simple anti examples:
- Windows popping up a big fat blue screen screaming for updates. Like... Go suck some donkey balls you stupid shit that's totally irritating you arsehole.
- Graphical tools having no UI concept. E.g. Adobes PDF reader - which was minimalized in it's UI and it became just unbearable pain. When the concept is to castrate the user in it's abilities and call the concept intuitive, it's not a concept it's shit. Other examples are e.g. GEdit - which was severely massacred in Gnome 3 if I remember correctly (never touched Gnome ever again. I was really put off because their concept just alienated me)
- Having an UI concept but no consistency. Eg. looking at a lot of large web apps, especially Atlassian software.
Too many times I had e.g. a simple HTML form. In menu 1 you could use enter. In menu 2 Enter does not work. in another menu Enter works, but it doesn't submit the form it instead submits the whole page... Which can end in clusterfuck.
- Keyboard usage not possible at all.
It becomes a sad majority.... Pressing tab, not switching between form fields. Looking for keyboard shortcuts, not finding any. Yes, it's a graphical interface. But the charm of 16 bit interfaces (YES. I'm praising DOS interfaces) was that once you memorized the necessary keyboard strokes... You were faster than lightning. Ever seen e.g. a good pharmacist, receptionist or warehouse clerk... most of the software is completely based on short keyboard strokes, eg. for a receptionist at a doctor for the ICD code / pharmaceutical search et cetera.
- don't poop rainbows. I mean it.
I love colors. When they make sense. but when I use some software, e.g. netdata, I think an epilepsy warning would be fair. Too. Many. Neon. Colors. -.-
2) It should be obvious... But it's become a burden.
E.g. when asked for a release as there were some fixes... Don't point to the install from master script. Maybe you like it rolling release style - but don't enforce it please. It's hard to use SHA256 hash as a version number and shortening the hash might be a bad idea.
Don't start experiments. If it works - don't throw everything over board without good reasons. E.g. my previous example of GEdit: Turning a valuable text editor into a minimalistic unusable piece of crap and calling it a genius idea for the sake of simplicity... Nope. You murdered a successful product.
Gnome 3 felt like a complete experiment and judging from the last years of changes in the news it was an rather unsuccessful one... As they gave up quite a few of their ideas.
When doing design stuff or other big changes make it a community event or at least put a poll up on the github page. Even If it's an small user base, listen to them instead of just randomly fucking them over.
One of my favorite projects is a texteditor called Kate from KDE.
It has a ton of features, could even be seen as a small IDE. The reason I love it because one of the original authors still cares for his creation and ... It never failed me. I use Kate since over 20 years now I think... Oo
Another example is the git cli. It's simple and yet powerful. git add -i is e.g. a thing I really really really love. (memorize the keyboard shortcuts and you'll chunk up large commits faster than flash.
Curl. Yes. The (http) download tool. It's author still cares. It's another tool I use since 20 years. And it has given me a deep insight of how HTTP worked, new protocols and again. It never failed me. It is such a fucking versatile thing. TLS debugging / performance measurements / what the frigging fuck is going on here. Take curl. Find it out.
My worst enemies....
Git based clients. I just hate them. Mostly because they fill the niche of explaining things (good) but completely nuke the learning of git (very bad). You can do any git action without understanding what you do and even worse... They encourage bad workflows.
I've seen great devs completely fucking up git and crying because they had really no fucking clue what git actually does. The UI lead them on the worst and darkest path imaginable. :(
Atlassian products. On the one hand... They're not total shit. But the mass of bugs and the complete lack of interest of Atlassian towards their customers and the cloud movement.... Ouch. Just ouch.
I had to deal with a lot of completely borked up instances and could trace it back to a bug tracking entry / atlassian, 2 - 3 years old with the comment: vote for this, we'll work on a Bugfix. Go fuck yourself you pisswads.
Microsoft Office / Windows. Oh boy.
I could fill entire days of monologues.
It's bad, hmkay?
This is not bad.
This is more like kill it before it lays eggs.
The deeper I got into XEN, the more I wanted to lay in a bathtub full of acid to scrub of the feelings of shame... How could anyone call this good?!?????6
Bloody mother fucking jesus christ....
Sometimes I really wish I had the gift to be creative and to e.g. draw a (metaphoric) image of the shit I had to fix and how it felt to fix it.
It's sad not being able to share stuff in a way everyone can understand it :/
I uncludged the last bits of the networking / loadbalancer / craptastic network.
The whole chart that includes most of the associations / information for the network fits easily on a A2 paper. Internal only.
Just migration of a few remaining servers to Proxmox and a large MySQL to Postgres migration outstanding....
1.75 years and it's the first large milestone achieved. Large milestone as in it will not be a total clusterfuck anymore.
Still a lot of stuff to do...
But down to one major OS, Debian, for everything (container / VMs)... only LTS supported versions for services...
No more stuff that's so old it's near fossil state. We stillhad Ubuntu 12.04 running... :) ;) And XenServer is nearly gone...
Too many feels. Too many brain poofs. And way too much pain.1
Weather is changing so frequently.
I'm switching since 1 1/2 weeks between being tired, no sleep, migraine.
On top of that I have to unclog a multilayer cache architecture based on varnish.
My brain poof.
Plus a lot of management tasks.... And planning.
I just want to enter a hibernation mode and sleep for 3-4 weeks.
Hi lil puppies what's your problem?
Have you eaten something wrong....
*proxy happily eats requests and answers correctly*
Hm... Seems like you are...
*proxy vomits dozen of requests at once*
... Not okay.
Ok.... What did u you get fed you lil hellspawn.
TLS handshake error.
Thousands. Of. TLS. Handshake. Errors.
*checking autonomous system information*
Yeah... Requests come from same IP or AS. Someone is actively bombing TLS requests on the TLS terminator.
Wrong / outdated TLS requests.
Let's block the IP addresses....
*Pats HAProxy on the head*
*Gets more vomit as a thank you no sir*
I've now added a list of roughly 320 IP adresses in 4 h to an actively running HAProxy in INet as some Chinese fuckers seemingly find it funny to DDOS with TLS 1.0... or Invalid HTTP Requests... Or Upgrade Headers...
Seriously. I want a fucking weekend you bastards. Shove your communism up your arse if you wanna have some illegal fun. ;)11
You know the configuration sucks if it's a one file, 10 K lines nginx reverse proxy configuration.
But what really really really sucks....
If the person who wrote it was a google craptastic copy pasta ninja.
For fucks sake, if you don't know what you are doing, just stop.
I've had this in so many rants, it's terrifying how many devs seem to be completely unaware of what they're doing Oo
This time, fuckwad ignored the basic principle of NGINX configuration: set the HTTP version for the proxy.
It's by default HTTP 1.0 - as HTTP 1.1 requires a Host Header _which you must set if not already present_.
The fuckwad had all kinds of scary optimizations enabled. Literally a bukkaka (not a typo) of <way too high value> and <too obscure configuration value that cannot apply here>.
But the most trivial thing, enabling HTTP 1.1 and keepalive. Nope.
Not in it.
It's funny how fast NGINX can be without the bukkaka of configuration values but HTTP keepalive enabled.
*me sits in the silent corner of the plushy pink room with soft walls*1
Has anyone maybe a link to HTTP security topics in general?
I find often breadcrumbs, like in several different attack possibilities, but nothing comprehensive.
Mostly regarding HTTP 1.1 / HTTP 2 (h2c) and proxying.
I'm currently unclogging an whole ecosystem of proxies, endpoints, edge nodes and so on...
My knowledge is limited and it's frustrating to Google cause seemingly I get always just pieces of the puzzles but not a collection -.-
(Looking for specific information, e.g. regarding attacks like H2C Smuggling, HPACK attacks, stuff regarding Cookies / Headers / Encoding... But please not spread over several dozen pages where it becomes frustrating to read the same shit over and over again without learning something new :( )3
You mother fucking piece of shit.
Whoever taught you programming should be removed from history.
And whatever form of intelligence you claim to possess, let me assure you: breathing is the limit of it.
Some of the projects I'm working on are really the epitome of "YOLO let's turn the poopomat machine on in diarrhea mode".
The worst: I cannot really give examples.
I've seen the last days everything.
(bash scripting, docker, services like nginx /haproxy/...)
Eval as an template generator in bash...
Declaring an whole environment in an Dockerfile, that should never be used as it is only necessary for building... But not checking if an env file is provided, so the whole thing can blow up spectacularly.
A nearly 1k long bash calculator for system limits, reading out all kinds of stuff from /proc and /sys, seemingly partially stolen from NGINX Docker.
Declaring and starting an own DNS Server to bypass the Docker DNS service inside an docker container.
Mkfifo fun for creating several stdout and stderrs for seemingly no reason...
Actively not using bash, instead of creating shell only functions to emulate bash...
I could go on.
But really. I'm getting too old for this shit.3
I hate those persons...
Don't do this.
Person does it.
Don't do it. We are currently overworked and this _must_ be a project every team agrees on. Otherwise it will end exactly like it is currently - a big mess that every team implemented differently.
2 hours later....
Person books time for said project.
Other team lead: Stop working on it. This makes no sense.
Person: yeah... But I needed to clean it up anyways, so I just started cause why not.
Me and the other team lead had a 5 min discussion about it shortly after...
Wasn't the first time said person has gone solo rogue *sigh*
Despite that this is driving me (and the other team lead) nuts...
WHY THE FRIGGING FUCK DOES HE ALWAYS DO IT WHEN WE ARE SO FUCKING OVERWORKED....
Really. Every fucking time this mother tugging bullshit kindergarten play.
I think it's the first time that I said: I don't care - I'll just trash his work when we start on the project as a team in 2 months (Yeah... That's realistic. 2 months minimum...).
The universe really has it's way to make me angry.
I hope he stops tomorrow, we really cannot deal with emotional bullshit at the moment.
How can such fuckwads exist....12