How to disconnect from work after working hours? Im working for the last 4 months as a mid level dev in this company. I mean Im able to problem-solve and do my work but sometimes I get so addicted to problem solving that I get worried and become obsessed, hyperfixated (especialy if Im stuck on something for lets say a couple weeks). It goes to the point where I work from home 12-14 hours a day just to figure out some bug in the flow.

Thing is, our codebase is large and when doing every new refactor/feature some surprises happen. I dont have a decent mentor who could teach me one on one or even do pair programming with. All i have is just some colleagues who can point me to right direction or do a code review from time to time. Thats it.

I dont know why I take this so personally. For example I had to do a feature which I did in 1 week, then MR got approved by devs and QA. After that during regression they found like 3 blockers and I felt really bad and ashamed. While in reality our BA did not define feature properly, devs who reviewed it didnt even launch the code and poke around in the app, and our team's QA tested only the happy scenario. Basically this is failing/getting delayed because of a failure in like 6-7 people chain.

However for some reason Im taking this very personally, that I, as a dev failed. Maybe due to my ADHD or something but for the next days or weeks as long as I dont find solution I will isolate myself and tryhard until I get it right. Then have a few days of chill until I face another obstacle in another task again. And this keeps repeating and repeating.

My senior colleague tells me to chill and dont let work take such a toll on my emotional/physical/mental health. But its hard. He has 7 years of experience and has decent memory. I have 2-3 years of experience and have ADHD, we are not the same. I dont know how to become a guy who clocks out after 8 hours of work done everyday. Its like I feel that they might fire me or I will look bad if I dont put in enough effort. Not like I was ever fired for performance issues... Anyways I dont know how to start working to live, instead of living for work.

I hate who Im becoming. I dont work out anymore, started smoking a lot, dont exercise. I live this self induced anxiety driven workaholic lifestyle.

  • 4
    You identify yourself with the problem.

    Which is a dangerous thing and an absolute no go.

    Stop smoking, it only gets worse.

    Seek therapy if possible, so you have a neutral person as a safety net.

    What to do to stop identifying yourself with a problem?

    Set up boundaries. Work fixed shifts, no overtime. If job is done, job IS done. No "just a lil bit of extra time".

    Get a hobby and integrate it into the time plan. If you stop working at 17 o clock, start whatever hobby you have at 17.30 o clock.

    Rituals. It will become a ritual. Once it became an ritual, it will be the boundary and the thing that keeps your brain from even thinking about work. Be it knitting, cooking, running, going to the supermarket...
  • 0
    One easy way is getting some sleep after work, like an hour or so. That works wonders to reset your mind.
  • 1
    ADHD representing. I climb 3 evenings a week, they're fairly fixed events in my calendar, so that helps. I don't do on call. I think wfh has very much blurred the lines between work and home. My first job, we were a small company, small office with desktops, the building closed at 6 (I specifically didn't want a key so I didn't work late on my own).

    Your memory may not be great, but you're not other people. Don't compare yourself to them. I'm an awesome problem solver, good at remembering the high level shape of a system and making connections between different parts of it, can root cause a problem quickly.
  • 1
    Also, ADHD comes with RSD, hyper sensitivity to rejection, sounds like you're dealing with.
  • 0
    @atheist thanks. How you deal with it?
  • 1
    I just don't think it is important.
    I am in similar shoes
    Of coding in a really big code base
    And required to ask like
    Little details

    I just learn code first by drawing its architecture picture
    Carefully rereading specs thrice and getting all info I can on my own
    If I can't get required info on my own, I ask those questions without hesitations.
    If I missed coding something, it just means something slipped through those two layers of seeking info
    I know that I did everything, and it would be QA tested and code reviewed anyway, do I just feel calm.
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