i have realised that a major portion of a human's life involves interaction with other people and most of the time, our happiness depends upon that situation.
so in a way having a group of people who you love and who loves you are important for you to be happy.

i recently realised there are not a single non blood related person in my contact list that i now feel for , even a bit. i recently went for a trip with friends which turned out to be very toxic, and i just realised, that those were my most trusted friends with the highest level of love and trust among my other 900 contacts.

now i don't wanna be with anyone. in a few days i will be 24, and i can't help but feel helpless and alone. Helpless, because people become toxic around me and alone coz i can't have non toxic people. this year started on a very high note for me since i got travelling a lot, got a good paying role that required less work and more relaxing time and , i started focusing on my body too.

so i got more carefree, started hanging out with people more, got more socially active. but then life gave me a slap on the face for enjoying it too much.

i don't know what i want now. i want happiness, but what will make me happy? i have no idea

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    Pick out who contributes to your mental well being, and who doesn't. Freeze out the ones who don't. If it's co workers, don't engage in any personal coversation with them. Also, if toxic people ask you out, practice an anodyne reply to say no. Practice these replies so they are at your fingertips. One way toxic people steal your life is on the spot questions, knowing you don't have an immediate reply. It's their assertion of control. Don't fucking allow it.
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    @bols59 thanks, i will try this. I feel so much clueless about life right now. All my life i have seen weddings , parties , birthdays and other celebrations of my relatives/collegues/friends. I have been mostly on the consumer side of their parties, but now i wonder how those people were able to gather 100s of people to love them and gather for them, in a course of few years? I have never organised such parties and i don't think i have such 100s of people that i want to be around in a party i give (if ever)

    I personally think that even if i died right now, less than 5 people will be bothered to get worried about it
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    What @bols59 said.

    It is really about people who lift you up. Who truly are interested in your well-being. Who gives you energy. Does not have to be much all the time. And understand that they also have ups and down. It is where they are down you matter especially much. Friendship!

    I hope you make it. ♥️
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    @dotenvironment if you're going to feel sorry for yourself, do it in private. That's not to say there's anything wrong with it. It's just that others can weaponize any vulnerability you express. I hate to sound so negative, but I've learnt that people will and do not have your best interests in mind. But that said, this all will change for you with age and experience.
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