Rant!!!

Fuck!!!

Clowns!!!

And it is only Monday!!!!

Involved in a pretty large it project. Several years endevour. Global. Tens and tens of millions of dollar budget.

It is obvious for all that this waterfall approach will cause enormous pain. Pain and suffering.

Multiple consultant firms involved. Loads of management, leads and the likes. Several with no it background.

🙄

Yes. No real concept of a database or what not. I mean. It is an actual IT project.

Several leads. One of the managers have no idea what he is doing. None. One would guess he should have his shit together regarding NON-it stuff. But no. And they work with this full-time and can’t even setup a descent way of working in a sub-sub-sub-project.

Clowns.

One would imagine in a waterfall setup that things is…formal. But no. It’s just people doing their thing. Lots of words. Lots of words.

I think there are nice problems to solve at the end. When it is delivered and done. So I will plan to stay and learn as much as possible. But I have to do the clowns work. Which sucks so much I can’t believe. But there are so many people involved so I guess I can get away with it in one piece without too much effort.

I am not even going to write a single line of code. 😬

All is fine.

Fucking Monday.

Rant.

Fucking frontenders…

CNN… scroll down…tap into article…swipe back… completely somewhere else…

It is soon 2024

You retards.

You imbecils

What-is-the-matter-with-you?

Why don’t you solve this? Why? Why do you persist (or not)?

Whenever I write something now, like this thing, I am expecting a GPT to fix up things. And I get annoyed when it doesn’t.

Anyhow. GPTs! What a fantastic time to live in!

With all this AI generative stuff I feel pretty ok with having done an exit from actual coding work some time back. (I know there is infinite work left but anyways…)

And…

YOU FUCKING IMBECIL FRONTENDERS. MAKE BACK WORK! PERSIST THE FUCKING VERTICAL SCROLL POSITION!!! MAKE WEB GREAT AGAIN!!! #MWGA

I turned the job offer down. It was a fucking clown adventure. (Possibly even an attempt of a lateral arabesque?)

The position was filled and it turns out to my expections. It’s a bogus job! A PM from outside the company now has the role of an administrator. She has no IT knowledge which to me is just astounding of the incompetence of the upper management.

I mean.

What are the actually drinking up there? Is there drugs in the water? Actual drugs!?

We have hundreds of ”IT” systems spread over the planet. All of them are…wait for it… related to, you know, hardware and software and all sorts of integrations and data pulsations and the level of intertwined processes are staggering.

So, obviously it was a bogus title which will soon disappear after the next re-org.

I hate these larger-than-life-projects where all of a sudden an organism is created inside the ”normal” organism and the physical reality is vastly different from the surrounding space. And time. Time is also different. Not only are there actual time-zones to take into account but some projects are slower in time and some are faster than normal time. The guys that get that slower in time than normal time is the guys that ALWAYS should initiate projects from the start. They do know that shit is complex and the invent time. Very good. Some projects does not even come close to even enter the arena. Hell, they are not even in the parking lot! The mind-structures of insane management believing that the ”understand”.

Anyway. I turned it down. And it was the right decision almost certainly. I am now only the Level B Chief Supreme Commander of almost everything (except a lot of stuff).

Wtf!? Clowns wants to, again, move me up the ladder. They don’t care. I am starting to think they have an evil plan for me in play here. Step 1) promote so high that noone really knows what the fuck I am doing. I am just name on a paper. And in the meetings. And then, 2) fire my ass

Have not accepted this job position. Yet. But I’ll guess I’ll take it. I can always go back to coding. Haven’t coded for a year now!

I think there must be some sort of evil play here. Am I that incompetent?

Do I want to be Chief Supreme Structural Architect Commander? Wtf!? Clowns…

All bow for the Chief Supreme Structural Architect Commander! I got principles and guidelines! Pff…

Fucking frontenders…

So tired of your fucking hip things…

Always something new…

Always something ”innovative”

Fucking MB and MB and MB of images…

Make it fast you imbecils! It’s 2023!

Navigating the realms of the mighty corporation. Sometimes in a completely different country quite some many times now.

It is not that cool.

Some people you meet are cool. But, some people I met previously was also cool. And they were my friends at work!

You get tired of all the transports.

And you always wants to go home.

Hotels are terrible places.

Finding where to go is now ten percent of your work day.

Family is missing me while I am gone. I miss them back. Video phone stuff helps alot.

And I don’t even travel a lot or very far (usually).

It’s monkey business.

I have become a corporate monkey.

I got to get out of this…

I’ve now discovered that management actually decides for themselves what software engineering is. 🧐

It is getting increasingly common that in different architectural groups the decision has already been made… by management…without actually passing through our review… as a little more senior blokes and gals.

Not even a discussion? On the fit?

That leads me to the conclusion, since I consider the management (at least the two or three closest layers) are morons, good at talking but not really knowing anything about what we do (we kind of take stuff and make other stuff from it by using energy and other stuff in HUGE FUCKING FACILITIES AROUND THE PLANET), that even they did not make the decision. It was forced upon them. They did not decide either! Because they can’t! Because they are idiots all of them!

I have not investigated this issue but this is the logical conclusion. Or not.

Recently, for instance, decisions were made to route information flows by some tech. Some new tech. At some place in our eco-system. At a certain time. And, if we were to have reviewed this initiative in our process we would have said:

”Well, I hear you! But we are not going to do that right now because WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HUGE GLOBAL PROJECT THAT CHANGES PRETTY MUCH FUCKING EVERYTHING AND WE CAN NOT JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING EXECUTION PROCESS OF THE PROJECT CHANGE THE FOUNDATIONS OF MESSAGE ROUTING BECAUSE WE LACK THE NUMBER OF HUMANS TO DO THE FUCKING JOB. So, we need to take a look at this and to get a better understanding when we can make this happen.”

What is the point of having this step in our organization if it is just pass-through? What is the point? Meetings? Just having meetings? Spending time mastering the organizational skill of administrating meetings? Feeling important? Using big words (holistic being my favourite)?

Below, juniors devs are being hired doing stupid stuff that does not need doing. For months and months.

I believe now that half of the dev staff does not need to be there and three quarters of the team, service, delivery (etc) managers are unnecessary. I mean, the good juniors are going to change jobs soon either way and we are stuck in this vicious cycle where we are not being allowed to be innovative in software engineering. Stability is of the essence here but the rate of our releases are just silly slow. I would say that we are far, far away from any track that leads us to where we want to be. Agile. Innovative. Close to business. Learning. Teaching. Faster. Stability despite response to implementing changing business needs.

And then there are the consultants…

*sigh*

I feel a little sorry for all illustrators and gig-creators of visual things out there. And yet I feel uplifted in spirit at the same time with the new era of midjourney that has just started.

It’s incredible!

Maybe you don’t understand if you are not in software.

It’s a giant leap of such magnitude that it is impossible to comprehend the entire scope of this revolution…

Small gig:ers get their money from very small and small businesses who can’t afford anything else. They are expert digital artists. The excel in being productive and can conceptualize a thought or idea in hours…

These hours have now been removed. Not all. But some. For the entire industry, this is billions of dollars I am sure.

So, they need to adapt to this new realm that we are entering.

It’s just… I mean, I can’t even realize it myself and I have played with prompting now for weeks and months… And it’s just 2023. /imagine what will be possible in 2030. 2050. If we survive.

I created a man (a hedge-fund manager) out of thin air. He stands in the super-market, looking tired, it’s evening… He has had a long day at the office…

And-he-does-not-exist.

And it took me five minutes. A rendering of such sort would probably take at least a day for an expert illustrator in photoshop or whatever.

Now, everyone will use this. You got this everywhere very, very soon. Including the gig expert illustrators! The thing is… I can’t draw a straight line but with text I can conjure up pretty much anything.

It’s magic.

That is what it is. I know it isn’t but it feels like it. For people without software skills it must feel even more like an illusion…

Need twelve icons of bumblebees illustrations to be used as icons on your new web site (as images)? Takes five minutes. An hour at most until you are satiesfied. In specific color ranges? You got it…

That shit cost like $99 bucks before if you needed to own them. And it took a week.

A revolution!

What fantastic times we live in!

And sad times and great opportunities for all visual artists out there.

(I am not at all worried for the dev industry. This will be SO fun!)

It’s time.

FUCK YOU FRONTEND DEVELOPERS!!!

What the FUCK is wrong with you!?

Could you please STOP creating ”innovate” user interfaces….

Just FUCKING STOP!!!!!

Web after web after web and I can see 100 different fucking date pickers. I mean. WHAT-THE-FUCK!!!

And the menus. GIVE US A FUCKING CLEAR UNDERSTANDING WHERE THE FUCK I AM.

And clicking back SHOULD FUCKING WORK YOU RETARDS!!!

YOU IMBECILS!

And remember the scrolling position. WHAT THE FUCK!? I did that shit

15 YEARS AGO

YOU FUCKERS!!!

It is just… a sad, sad place. I wish the old web was back. Super quick. Simple. Clear.

I get it. It is better now but IT IS NO EXCUSE TO JUST SKIP THE FUNDAMENTALS!!! You bastards!!!

AND WHY THE FUCK THE LARGE IMAGES!? You should have solved this by now!!! Fucking MB!? Are you serious? Did your mother not love you enough?

Oh man that felt good…

It seems like they are going forward with the project…

Me like: I am ALREADY IN PAIN!

Sometimes I just stop…

and is just astounded of how things are, you know, managed. Leadership. What do they think about? At this corporation.

I mean. This going to hurt so, so much.

There is this movie made from a book that Tom Clancy wrote, The sum of all fears. In it Jack Ryan (Ben Affleck) needs to relay paramount intel (yes, i want to be an agent god damn it!) to POTUS. And I am like…

I AM JACK RYAN! I NEED TO GET THIS INFORMATION TO THE CEO. HE IS MAKING DECISIONS ON SOME VERY BAD INFORMATION.

But, I am far from actually getting even near to that individuals closest team.

So, things are what they are …and it it going to be boring and it will mean really hard work. For years. So, what to do…

So, rant!

So, global-huge-paradigm-shift project moving forward. Lots and lots of architects of multiple sites world-wide, stakeholders and business peeps and sub-corp manager and head-of-fucking-everything-of-multi-billion-dollar-CEO involved with different amounts of energy and passion.

Huge amount of money involved. Not only for the multi-year project endeavour but also in licensing costs for the years and years to come.

It's a big deal for the corporation.

And it's clowns everywhere. Leadership, project leads, technical project leads, architects. Am I one of them? I don't think so because everyone is mad at me. Since I cause trouble. Since I tend to say that I don't give a FUCK about the product being a Gartner Visionary player if you can't test the fucker properly...

Last week I attended a workshop in USA (I live in Europe) regarding this change which left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I am so far away from my comfort zone.

To these people (me?) get payed for this work? Is this really relevant? Why the FUCK did I need to go to a different continent? "The "Core team" need to be on site". Yeah, right. Fuck you Mr Project Leader, I can tell you are far, far away of being on-top of this thing...

Pointless.

It's pointless.

But I guess this is why you get payed.

Work.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and I think I will raise my hand yet again and explain to all I meet that I see HUGE risks with this project as it goes along right now. We kind of make things and that has to, you know, work. NOT making things for 1 hour is... well, that is really, really bad.

I give this project ten percent chance of succeeding above the set thresholds for all different areas/functionality. (I am sure the fuckers will alter the thresholds to show off a "successful project". Fuckers.

Hope you all are fine. ♥️

Next week I will hold a presentation for global sales manager(s?) and third party CEO. That will be fine. 😬

So, I am a couple of more months in working in my new role. Learning the trade and boy do people have a lot of fucking things to say! It’s incredible the AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT these people get away with…

Background, I’ve been a software consultant for a number of companies working in different sectors in different development roles for +16 years. I built everything from RS232, iOS to BI. Shifted to permanent developer for large global corporation where I got promoted to clown.

Anyway, anyhow.

FUCK, these FUCKING people!!!

Meeting after meeting after endless pointless discussions and even more pointless fucking powerpoint presentation which if you stack them on top of each other will reach the FUCKING top floor where there are even more morons. FUCK!

There is absolutely NO cohesion, there is NO plan, short-term or long-term, no vision that can be practically implemented. There are different organizations of equal power and the result is a FUCKING MAZE.

But people travel the FUCKING GLOBE. You know, THE FUCKING PLANET EARTH, for pointless workshops and alignments (plural). FUCK!

And it’s getting worse. We’ve got consultants hiring consultants now whose job is to hire consultants. True story! And it’s not that high up the org chart either!

It’s a beast! A retarded beast.

We are NOT helping.

I got to get out of this fucking corporation. So, I am starting to design my exit strategy. The master plan.

F-ck working in a multi-billion dollar global company!!!

There are soooooo many clowns in this corp. Just f-ing hiding. F-ing PowerPoint-cowboys using big words. Do they even know… you know, how to code? What it means?

I mean, we need several. Of course. But sooooo many roles leads to an incredible amount of meetings with almost zero value. Since noone seems to know what the hell they are talking about…

There are so many…

*sigh*

The other week I attended a ”very-important-clown-architect-multi-site-holistic-fucking-alignment-future-roadmap” meeting. I fucking flew to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COUNTRY just to waste an entire day with these clowns. What is this? WHAT IS IT!?

*sigh*

Have you all freaked out yet over Midjourney —v 5?

I am totally freaked out. Cataclysmic change for many jobs. Just insane stuff.

And it’s only 2023!

Midjourney 5. We should all be very worried.

This hedge fund manager doing grocery shopping in the evening does not exist.

Next week is super-efficient-daily-standup-and-monday-status-bonanza-meeting week!

The most effecient way is NOT to attend.

If you have no questions/impediments/whatever and you feel like you have velocity > whatever. Be a no-show!

I am SURE you know what is expected from you!

Hey, younglings! Some meetings are _not_ compulsary. No need to be there if you know the drill. If you are in a good work place, everyone will get it. You’re working. This is not always understood by juniors.

But, communicate what your intentions are! Don’t be quite. Communication are difficult. More is better than nothing! Just right is very difficult to obtain and will never be mastered.

And, Windows 11 really sucks…

The midjourney stuff…

It’s truly some scary shit!

How’s the tech layoffs doing? I was considering leaving a while ago. But maybe it’s a smart move staying for a while…

Yes. Obviously there is a problem in production. At friday night. Yes. Ok. Think happy thoughts.

I AM LOOKING AT YOU SAN!!!!

FUUUUUU

F-U-C-K WINDOWS 11!

Rant!

F-ck ”senior” developer that have not created ANY real value for over a year.

I mean, it is pretty impressive. The incompetence. F-ck!

This is the same guy I have been discussing earlier and he create such a toxic environment for me.

Aaaaaaaah!!!

But in my new role I don’t have to talk with him so often. But I know others are and they are not so … happy, either.

But I just get angry and depressed having to listen to him.

I give this team at maximum two years then I have to leave.

Issue in production. Multi billion dollar enterprise. Complex landscape. We sort of make things.

Turns out there is a single point of failure at a specific integration point. Kind of a lot stopped. When I reached out to the people knowing anything about it and I raised the issue that maybe we should make a slight change in how we do things they just brushed it off. Like it was nothing… 😬

No data was lost but everything was delayed for many hours. The _truth_ varied in different parts of the ecosystem causing potential wrong or suboptimal decisions to be taken.

When I asked why this LOS was not detected they told be they have no means of detecting it. 😬

I’m like, yeah, it’s 2023, we’re going to land on Mars and you can bet your ass we can detect it and you are just LAZY DEVELOPERS!

Anyway, I escalated (nicely) and they are now implementing a (more) resilient system and we’re helping the team detecting THEIR LOS in minutes instead of downstream services hours later (they are bad also but it’s not their fault!)

Stay safe!

RANT! Clown VISA developer (you know, the one with ”extensive experience”) has still not finished his task which he was assigned after failing the last one which was easier. I wrote that they would fail and they have not even deployed anything to any environment. Not even dev. They just fuck around on their machines and this VISA guy says some nonsense shit on daily standups using mother fucking big words like it is really some difficult task they are doing. NOTHING has been done. It’s such a moral sink for the team.

When I asked nicely and asked if they have automated test they responded with a yes. So, I just dive into the repo and… no. There is no tests at all.

It is almost like they _think_ that tests automatically ate induced by osmosis or quantum mechanics or something. There is no tests. None. Zero. Why the ”yes”? 🤔

I looked at the commits and I can see no actual brain activity.

It will take a miracle. A miracle I say, to get any productive work out of this guy. What should he do? I mean, what should he actually get paid for? I do not understand. And he walks around in these $400 dollar jackets and coats and shit like he knows stuff.

I am having a really hard time accepting that he actually get paid at all.

Rant

I almost did not write any code for the entire week. But I talked to a few people…LIKE A BILLION OF THEM!!!

My calender has completely gone crazy Bonanza big time in like a few weeks and org now want me FUCKING FLY TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY to explain some rudimentary stuff for a bunch of folks. And I’m like… what about using a telephone and computer instead, I got a life you know!? People are fucking calling in from India, US and Pakistan every day but I need to go to a neighbouring country for this shit!? Turns out manager there is fucking crazy and HATES video calls and I’m like… yeah now I am REALLY not fucking going there!!!

Family will suffer, I will suffer, planet will fucking DIE.

Stupid crazy bosses…

Soooo, how is that metaverse going… anyone? 👀

I’m sorry for all getting laid off in these latest tech layoffs. Hang in there! ♥️

Jr a little low while trying to do some stuff. Took down the prod sql server for a while. Some disturbance but not the end of the world but she’s a little low.

I am like: GREAT WORK!!! NOW YOU ARE LEARNING!!! 💪

Time for cake and celebrations!