Startup-ing 101, from Fitbit:
- spy on users
- sell data
- cut production costs
- mutilate people's bodies, leaving burn scars that will never heal
- announce the recall, get PR, and make the refund process impossibly convoluted
- never give actual refunds
- claim that yes, fitbit catches fire, but only the old discontinued device, just to mess with search results and make the actual info (that all devices catch fire) hard to find
- try hard to obtain the devices in question, so people who suffered have no evidence
- give bogus word salad replies to the press

This is what one of the people burned has to say:
"I do not have feeling in parts of my wrist due to nerve damage and I will have a large scar that will be with me the rest of my life. This was a traumatic experience and I hope no one else has to go through it. So, if you own a Fitbit, please reconsider using it."

Ladies and gentlemen, cringefest starts. One of fitbit replies:
"Fitbit products are designed and produced in accordance with strict standards and undergo extensive internal and external testing to ensure the safety of our users. Based on our internal and independent third party testing and analysis, we do not believe this type of injury could occur from normal use. We are committed to conducting a full investigation. With Google's resources and global platform, Fitbit will be able to accelerate innovation in the wearables category, scale faster, and make health even more accessible to everyone. I could not be more excited for what lies ahead".

In the future, corporate speech will be autogenerated.

(if you wear fitbit, just be aware of this.)

  • 4
    why would anyone want to wear such a thing anyways
  • 6
    In the mean time, Intel had another vuln that leaks cryptographic keys through motherfucking stale cache, because the 6 years since Spectre weren't enough for them to construct a theoretical framework of information flow in their CPUs that would facilitate proving their safety.
  • 3
    But innovation is driven by the nagging of sales managers so formal proofs are tossed to the wind while they invent a new four letter acronym to something that doesn't fucking clear the cache it used to store data the OS explicitly stated to be sensitive before an interrupt.
  • 2
    Wtf is that picture?
  • 1
    @ScriptCoded Looks like male caucasian skin with some ointment on it. Hair is missing from the center, which also seems to be smoother and slightly recessed. There is something at the left border of the center area, that might be wrinkled burned skin that covered the center area before...
  • 4
    Doesn't surprise me they would try and ditch liability. They are evil fucks to begin with.

    My opinion is that Microsoft, Apple, and Google are various shades of Dr. Evil without the humor. But if you want a damn phone you are practically stuck with Apple and Google.
  • 0
  • 1
    Did they try apologizing.
  • 1
    As a start up man myself, it IS auto generated. We call it “copy” and there are 500,000,000 tools to use AI to write it
  • 2
    @ars1 It is well known that apologies have more adverse effects than those of being called out on one's bullshit times the likelihood of actually being called out.
  • 1
    That's disturbing as fuck dawg 😱
Add Comment