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!tech

i was feeling very disturbed thinking about this thing, so just wanna share here. trigger warning : this is about 2 recent news (1 national and1 international) about crimes against women and its affect on me, a male , somewhat privileged guy with rarely any women in life.

news 1 : some lady in iran getting killed by police due to religious laws . news 2 : a receptionist girl in india getting killed for not providing sexual services to hotel people .

i will come back to first news in a bit, but second news has shaken me to the very core. i saw a post where her dead corpse was being taken up by her acquitances and she is just ... lifeless, hands going sideways, face hung at one side, mouth open... damn :'(

read more here : https://indiatoday.in/india/story/...

i am not at all related to this news, but somehow, i as a guy feel disgusted and being responsible for this sad event. this is not an act of power or lust , this is an act of a horrible mentality.

i come from the city where the world's most number of hate crime and crime against women take place. and pathetic politicians and people of power blame it on women's dressing and mens "naive nature" and , "boys being boys, accidentally making mistakes" . little did anyone know that this mentality has been cooking in the streets for last so many years.

i am a single child with no siblings or grandparents, my relatives rarely visit me and my last 24 years on earth rarely involved any female companionship apart from my mom.

i like girls, i find them cute. i really want to be with someone, to have a consensus relationship. but the talks among my homie groups and other male friends have gone toxic to the level that a national issue syarted feeling relatable.

the feeling of getting affection from someone has somehow turned into a lust, a "game", a "service". one guy( who recently shifted to other state) would use to tell us how he would visit " red light areas" , another one(also left) once tried to ask for that "service" in a camp where we were staying during a trip, and used to tell how he would hook up with girls on Instagram.

we used to laugh at those things, find them interesting and enjoyable. i would think about them in deep, thinking that this is something possible, a transactional access to sex, with me now earning enough to afford it.

now, seeing this news i feel so shitty and being a horrible human. those thoughts were not originally mine, but i didn't opposed them. rather i laughed on it , and thought that once am even more powerful financially and politically, could even entertain that approach.

As a guy, i want to say i am deeply, terribly sorry.

This mentality needs to be changed. my homie group is not just the only group of males that has such vile thoughts having openly propagated. every park, every company meeting , every library, every gym, anywhere i go, i can just show up a coffee cup and shout "women,huh" and can get a laughter followed by several low voices whospers on which girl is a "s***" there .

there are multiple points of failure in our society that are causing these. the news 1 from the start of this rant is the very first : role of government and religion on controlling "dresses and behaviour" of women

another comes the role of sex, culture and gender education in institution. institutions in my areas are so fucked up: they teach how plants fuck and bees suck honey to a puberty hit student, but doesn't teach consent, relations and personal behavior at any age. my school would even try to sometimes make all girls sit in a seperate row and other times would force guys to sit with girls. don't know what they got for this authoritative behaviour, but that sure didn't impacted our brains very rightly.

lastly this needs to be made clear in evevry guy's mind that paid prostitution, forced prostitution and consensus relationship are 3 different things, and only a respectable , consensus relationship is something you should think about and prepare for.

Comments
  • 2
    Good post. We should just learn to treat each other as humans. That would solve most of the problems in the world.
  • 1
    Yeah no, literal murder is not "boys being boys". Don't even attempt to equate those two things together.

    I low level agree with the overall tone of your post, some humans are fucking uncultured animals. But at your level of abstraction, 70% of what you said I can't agree with. You're mixing avocados with strawberries with mold. No idea why would you feel responsible, did you do it? did you tell someone else to do it? Are you trying to convince me that I should feel responsible too? Are you just using the word wrong? What the hell man? You'd never kill anyone yourself, no man nor woman, so why would you go out of your way to cry about how responsible you are other than to virtue signal? I'd break the fucking nose of anyone who'd attack a girl or anyone else really, but none of us can be at all the places at all the times.

    and teaching consent at school? wtf? Do you think we need to be taught consent? humans are not completely retarded, some are animals perfectly on purpose
  • 0
    @Hazarth

    firstly i was just conveying my thoughts, i didn't intended a debate.

    secondly , thanks for agreeing with the tone i don't know you as a person, but by your avatar, if i can assume you are a male, and you are agreeing with my distress on a sensitive news on hate crime, then you are also being a good human

    thirdly, no you don't need to feel bad, it was not intended to say every guy is bad, it's just that i have met a lot of guys who publicly/privately/sarcastically propells the notion of objectifying women and i felt that those people are bad and somewhat responsible for these extremities

    fourthly, i might not need to feel bad too, as i didn't and won't go into crime like that. but i did felt bad coz i was once entertaining a stupid idea with stupid people that we never really reap to conclusion, but i could imagine a disastrous outcome of that in one of the extreme scenarios.

    lastly, the "boys are naive" is a literal quote by one of our politicians for a rapist :'(
  • 1
    @Hazarth
    also consent is not a bad topic to teach in schools. we get regular POSH(prevention of sexual harassment) courses from the company, it would be good if this is something people would learn and prepare for, in an exam.

    as i mentioned, i, a sane software engineer in his youth, somehow got his feelings of affection turned to lust due to lack of knowledge on women and consent, there are millions like me from nuclear families with even lesser feminine exposure . we don't want crimes like these to happen frequently to make people to remind them to keep their senses intact
  • 0
    @dotenvironment You're not sane m8.
  • 0
    @dotenvironment Objectification of women is not bad and there are many who have made it their livelihood... Look at all the item nunbers... Just scroll the reels on Instagram... Women love objectification. However having the thought of killing the objectified human is beyond humanity.

    For example just look this post on Instagram... She is using the word bombshell for herself.
  • 3
    @avneesh you think that ‘women love objectification’ purely because of what you’ve seen on instagram? That’s such a load of shit!
    If you think that what you see on social media is representative of half the population of the planet then maybe you need to get out more and speak to real, live human beings.
  • 0
    It sure is an involved subject area !

    ---

    lastly this needs to be made clear in evevry guy's mind that paid prostitution, forced prostitution and consensus relationship are 3 different things, and only a respectable , consensus relationship is something you should think about and prepare for.

    ---

    Often, or virtually all the time.. consensus relationships R unspoken paid prostitution.

    Just ask any poor guy what he has to offer a woman..

    --

    forced prostitution

    --

    Is that where a guy has 2 work 2 afford a girlfriend ?

    There R a lot of grey areas with both genders, with men suffering as much as woman, in different ways.

    People tend 2 use each other, 2 get what they want.

    Usually the trade is unequal, which is why one side wants it, and the other side accepts it.

    It is a sad state of affairs when we see death as the result, it is sadly I'd say more common than we might want to admit, or know about.

    A worthy subject area to explore, that we can learn from.
  • 0
    ---

    i really want to be with someone, to have a consensus relationship. but the talks among my homie groups and other male friends have gone toxic to the level that a national issue syarted feeling relatable.

    --

    The same happens among female groups too.

    There is so much game playing between genders these days.

    But perhaps it has always been like that, and we wasn't aware of it.

    I'm not sure as a species we can grow beyond our basic instincts ?

    Won't we always be gaming the system for the best prizes ?
  • 0
    --

    This mentality needs to be changed.

    --

    But how ?

    You or I might change, but that doesn't change anyone else ?

    Especially the gender we are interested in dating..

    There is no genuine interest in us, only that we can pay for things, have a good body, are skilled in giving pleasure in its many forms.

    Beyond that there is nothing else, besides friendship.

    And even then, many friends are fair weather friends, only out for what they can get from you.

    If you find yourself poor, homeless and without any useful skills, no one wants to be your friend.

    Suddenly you find out what humans are really like.

    https://youtube.com/watch/...

    --

    Quark tells his nephew something about humans

    --

    I think as we move away from religion, we are entering an age of barbarism, with our civilised side disappearing.

    Though religion is mainly about arranged marriages so no one goes without.
  • 1
    There is also, perhaps an area of confusion worth talking about.

    Many women I have come into contact with over the years have expressed a desire to be treated physically badly.

    Since that isn't me, I declined to service them in that fashion. ( One actually left me for a guy who was repeatedly violent to them ! )

    How is a guy supposed to be able to tell the difference between a woman who wants that, and a woman who doesn't want them ?

    I've asked women this, and they say you aren't supposed to ask, as that spoils things, you are just supposed to know !

    I'm not about to force myself onto a woman to find out if she wants it or not !

    As such, many women tell me I'm less of a man for not making a move first.

    Maybe that is why I'm still single after 10 years..

    No, I think its because I'm poor. :-(

    But being civilised towards woman I don't think helps me get a relationship.

    I can quite see too how many men are unaware there is any other way to behave.
  • 0
    Perhaps woman too, are unaware there is any other way to behave, than to be taken by guys ?

    Or maybe, they are just programmed that way in their genes to be drawn towards men like that.

    Even if they say they aren't.

    You would hope that the more civilised man would win out in the end, and we would breed out this uncivilised behaviour.

    But I suspect, it is the brutish behaviour that is outbreeding civilisation, on both sides.

    At least talking about it, some minds might be changed, some understanding might begin, and maybe folk might start to have real relationships that aren't just exploitative games where each side is trying to score points until the next conquest.

    At least now I reckon I know the rules of the game enough to change myself to compete.

    I'm not sure I can ever bridge that gap and become more manly and just take what I want without asking for consent first.

    And even then..

    I'm left wondering, should I ?

    After all, is my consent freely given.. ?
  • 0
    @UnicornPoo it doesn't matter what i see on Instagram or not.... It 10000 years of human evolution that's hard-coded in genetics.... Any human body is designed for 2 primate purpose.
    1. Survival - Your genetics won't let you die.
    2. Procreation/reproduction - your genetics will make you look attractive to opposite sex.

    Now looking attractive has changed over time. Dresses have changed over time and society has changed over time.

    Women and men have adapted their basic instinct with evolving society and women these are resorting to tactics which oxford defines as objectification.

    No point ranting her or establishing your feminism here.

    Go and research. Read psychology and sociology. Read about Freud and jung. You will find your answer.
    Here is article to help you.

    https://yourtango.com/2015284038/...

    In today's world where idea of partner is being diluted to short term than long term, this is not instgram rather psyche
  • 0
    @avneesh you just told me to ‘go do my research’, this isn’t an anti vax Facebook group. Also the article you linked is aimed at people with the IQ of a carrot.
    It’s not feminism to say that you can’t judge half the population of the world as the same. That would be like me saying all men are sex obsessed perverts and using incel groups as evidence.
    Freud made some groundbreaking insights but also had some serious issues. You have convinced yourself that treating women as objects is what they really want. Any relationship you have on that basis can only ever be superficial.
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