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lessi152117dYou don't need to fit into the "software developer" stereotype to be respected. Hell, you've already proven yourself with everything you've done all this time. Your whole self is 100% more than that. I can't relate to your experiences, as I'm just someone who's learning web development and hasn't found a job on the field, nor I've lived long (just 18), but I can guarantee you that what makes one respectable is their personality and not their job. Maybe stop doing extra work, stop overthinking about any bug after work, and recognize work/job as your way of getting money - not your self. The respect someone else gives you is not an identifier of your worth, nor an indicator that you're doing good. I recommend you to read about stoicism, and/or "Ego is The Enemy" by Ryan Holiday. Didn't read it completely but I think it could do you good. I wish you the best.
electrineer26312117dMaybe the job you're in is just too interesting. I used to take what happened at work to home with me, but after suffering a bit of burnout I just haven't been that excited any more.
red-knot2036117dA lot of what you’re saying here resonates with me. No so much the part about proving that I’m a geek and working on side projects at home (because I’m clearly not your definition of a geek), but more the part about being so absorbed with work that nothing else matters much.
What @Electrineer says is very true. Work can be so interesting in that you’re always up to tackling the new challenges it has to offer and you’re left with little energy for anything else. Interestingly for me, there are times when we’re put to work on very monotonous tasks. That’s when I’m the most bored at work; yet it’s during those periods that I sleep best, that I’m up to doing a bunch of stuff after work such as, working out, SOCIALIZING and things of the sort.
iiii8810116dYeah, pandemic really fucked up the balance. There's almost nothing left except working at home.
ptothew3116dI salute your dedication and hard work. I would suggest that your identity and worth are very vulnerable if work and other peoples praise are your main source. People isn't very good at caring for others in the long run - even marriages breaks all the time... :/ But there is one good and stable source out there that gives both identity and worth. I think you'll find it if you look for it :)
Tarka10111dSounds like you are approaching burnout. I’ve been there. My suggestion is to try and pick up and do activities that take you outside. For myself I got into long distance running and scuba diving both of which require a lot of time commitment in the outdoors which is what you need.