dealing with a crippling realization that my depressed brain is a pale shadow of former myself before bipolar, but getting lost in a contradiction posed by the fact that I have more experience and clearer vision now, not being able to decide what's better and who I'd rather be

It's not like you get to choose.

@lorentz Everything is a choice either passively or actively. Not acting is a choice.

Choices are separate from emotion, because when you feel certain ways (some times effects) does not always mean your choices are driven by them.

Thus you do chose who you are or rather who you become.

It just hit me the fact that, us developers are the philosophers of the modern era xD.