Never mess with a motivated developer. I will make your life difficult in return.

Me: we need server logs and stats daily for analysis
DBA: to get those, you need to open a ticket
Me: can't you just give me SFTP access and permissions to query the stats from the DB?
DBA: No.

*OK.... 🤔🤔🤔*

*Writes an Excel Template file that I basically just need to copy and paste from to create a ticket*

This process should not take me more than 2mins 👍😁😋🙂😙😙😙😙😙😙😙😙

For them.... 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

  • 3
    Is the ticket via mail? Could schedule an email to be sent everyday before get to work so when get there they maybe already sent you the files
  • 0
    @penderis no it's in a web system. Maybe an API but too much trouble to find and set up.
  • 7
    Also I don't really care when they get back to me.

    When I hit send, the ball is in their court.

    Your move monkeys!
  • 2
    I never like DBA, or anything associated with that title.
    They're just dicks. Correct you if you think I'm wrong.
  • 1
    @lwhken depends on the company. If they hire monkeys... yea...

    Large tech companies.... doubt it.
  • 2
    @billgates well, YouTube certainly has monkeys
    Have you seen their error pages
  • 0
    @lwhken I've moved suspiciously close to the role, from backend development.

    I've become a bit of a dick, but only because all my coworkers write migrations without thinking about DB design, indexes, or foreign key constraints.
  • 1
    @bittersweet the reason I hate DBA is because they do the following to me
    1. gave them script to run because only DBA is worthy enough to touch the DB
    2. script fails because of some minor issue (e.g. duplicate key violation, because I didn't know the row already exists due to no access to DB)
    3. DBA freaks out, says "it doesn't work", copy & paste the error log and sends back AT THE END OF THE DAY
    4. I fix the error but have to wait for another day because the DBA does it *on purpose (highly opinionated statement here)
    5. go back to 1.
  • 0
    @lwhken Yeah our DB is dumped, masked (anonimized), and anyone in the company can use it. Apps like metabase and periscopedata make it easy for even non techies at sales to run and adjust queries themselves.
  • 1
    @amahlaka those are smart monkeys, guess what I mean are dumb monkeys
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