Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!

You seriously still know who has written you months ago?
To the recruiters' defense: they send the jobs to every contact matching the keywords. Some people with jobs actually look for other opportunities.

TL;DR; recruiters suck

We hired some people through recruiters at one stage.

That is until we found out that the same recruiters were calling up the guys 4months later (after passing probation) and offering them new opportunities so that they could get another placement fee.

So dodgy..