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This must be a culture thing. I don't understand why you as an adult are being told what to do by your mother. I get the respect for elders and all that. But this is your life.
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retoor120231yYour mommy would make me move to another country tbh. So protective.
See my mom once a year and that's enough -
@retoor @Demolishun
That's easy for you guys to say. But given the OP is Indian, I totally understand the emotional and psychological weight parents put on us to keep us doing what they want us to do.
And if OP is an only child he's massively screwed.
What you said about MNCs and how people look at you is totally true. I work in a small company and have 4 clients and make more money than someone in an MNC having just one job. But people here are not ready to accept that.
They want to hear fancy names like TCS, Wipro, Cognizant, Accenture and brush off any other company like they don't exist.
This is particularly brutal on people like me who are trying to get an arranged marriage and find out that most girls parents want the groom to work a government job. Not even MNCs are good enough for them. -
retoor120231yWow, trying to get an arranged marriage? Don't you think you'll meet a girl that you love in the next couple of years? Do girls like arranged marriages? Damn, so much questions about this
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@retoor
Wow, trying to get an arranged marriage?
- Yes
Don't you think you'll meet a girl that you love in the next couple of years?
- Nope. I can find someone who I will love but the question is whether she will love me 🤣🤣🤣
Do girls like arranged marriages?
- Yes. In India, it still is the norm.
What else? -
retoor120231yHow does an arrange marriage work? Are there some companies facilitating? Is there a kinda Tinder? Are parents always involved?
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How does an arrange marriage work?
- This is usually carried out by parents who know someone who know someone and so on, until they find a family is looking to get their daughter married.
Then, the girl's family will visit the boy's house to see where they live and their living conditions etc. If they like it, then the boy's and girl's family meet up at a common place, like a temple/restaurant to exchange pleasantries and let the boy and girl talk to each other privately and ask any questions they may have
If the boy and girl both say yes, then they get married. It sounds simple but its tough to write that out in text, trust me. -
Are there some companies facilitating? Is there a kinda Tinder?
- Yes, there are two major players in this game. Shaadi.com and Jeevansathi.com
Are parents always involved?
- Yes. If parent's are involved in finding the girl then it will be called an arranged marriage, otherwise its called a LOVE marriage.
@retoor -
retoor120231y@Sid2006 do more beautiful girls have higher standards? Do looks still matter? I hope the boy and girl do a few dates?
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@retoor
do more beautiful girls have higher standards?
- Yes, The highest standard is the boy having a government job. I'm telling you, if you're a dude and have a government job in India, you'd have NO DIFFICULTY getting married. Parents literally throw their daughters at those guys. My brother was a low level clerk when he got his and he was married just a month after that. Compared to me, who's trying the same since 5 years and no luck.
Do looks still matter?
- I mean the girl can say no to an ugly man, but the guy's income holds more weight than his face. On the contrary, guys also reject girls based on looks. So yes, looks do matter more from a guy's perspective than girls.
I hope the boy and girl do few dates?
- Nope. Never. Security concerns from the girl's family never lets that happen. Recently, letting the girl and boy exchange phone numbers is acceptable. You can talk, do video calls with each other, all good. But meeting alone will never happen. -
retoor120231y@sid2006 Five years, damn. I wanted to ask how much girls you can pick from but never mind. I don't understand, isn't software developer not a good job? Here it is. Does such marriage often fail on short time? Are there (much?) more boys than girls? It's weird AF - if you do what you like and became a mason for example, you're fucked in the arranged marriage cirquit? Also, how much is the arranged marriage circuit used instead of the love one? Are girls in the marriage circuit by default not in the love circuit?
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@retoor
Five years, damn
- I don't really mind it. I'm not sure if I even want to get married. I like the freedom.
I wanted to ask how much girls you can pick from.
- As long as you're single this process continues.
Isn't software developer not a good job? Here it is.
- Nope. When it comes to family image and daughter's security, parents don't think its a good job. They say "Oh its private job, his boss will fire him tomorrow there's no security.". Dumb take, I know but this backward thinking can't be changed fr.
Does such marriage often fail on short time?
- I'm not sure.
Are there (much?) more boys than girls?
- Yep, you can even find documentaries on YouTube about the growing population of guys who can't find a girl to marry. -
retoor120231y@Sid2006
Ah different here. Here you're quite protected as an employee and in theory you can't get fired with no good reason. I say in theory, i saw it happen a few times.
I broke up last year - think my next partner will be a scottish collie. That'll be a relationship that at least lasts ten years.
Sleep quality with partner is just so much better in my case and people in relationship even get older. So, it's healthy. We're sheeps, we want to be part of or create a flock -
@retoor @Sid2006 posted a somewhat accurate reality of Indian marriage system . although i think girls do go on a few dates with guys before marriage, but am not in that age/situation to answer this.
also arrange marriages in India have been happening for 1000s of years , and 90% of them remain intact till deaths (and even after that. 2nd marriage is usually seen as a shameful act so rarely anyone does it) .
the love part is somewhat a probability and more of a Stockholm situation : you gotta add love to the marriage or live a dull life, any other option is just an act of shame on your name/family .
marriage system in India is heavily impacted by family, relatives and the question "what will the society think?"
my rant was more towards the frustrations of working in a lame company, but the comments section took a nice turn
working at an MNC is like dating the hottest girl in campus. everyone stares at you, but only you know of the tantrums and the expenses that you have to take.
Every random aunty and uncle I come across gets a wide smile on their face when i tell them my company's parent company name. i goto this temple , and there, one uncle was introducing me to his wife "meet X ji's son , he is at Y company" .
previously when i worked at a startup, most of the time , people were like "huh? what does this company do?" and when i would explain them how our DBs are sending billions of notifications and interaction each second, they would be like "oh , so you work at IT" , YES DUDE, YOU WANNA GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAND NOW?
And this mentality is sick. i loathe the place where i currently work. i loved my previous org and now am just here coz my mom is too scared to let her son live in a different state.
The only reason a person works in a company is money and WLB. Indian service based MNCs don't give a penny more than basic industry standards. and when they want their employees to be available 2 days a week + x number of days when any CEO , ED or other sugar daddy is coming to office, you get an idea of the shitty Work life balance.
my previous company was a b2b startup, it always paid me more than industry standards and we had wfh until a notification came to enforce hybrid working bh end of 2024. till now not a single person from my team has relocated. All i had to do was to *plan* for living in a state and my mom got cold feet :/
i think so much about my future. i earn decent, so i wanna spend it to live and grow.
i wanna go party at friday nights and go on night outs. i wanna meet this cute school crush at anytime after office and don't worry about the 9 pm curfew. i wanna go look for a new home in a different area and get out of this parking hellhole. i wanna prepare for exams and do a hugher studies from aborad.
everything needs money and growth mindset. money makes money and i am trying to earn every minute. but a chained mind cannot fly . a non growth mindset will not let you evolve. and someone needs to tell it to people who control my every . fucking. action
i have seen people switching from one big name to another. i personally feel that you are just too comfortable in the environment of big names and deliberately ignoring the smaller names which are doing the actual build fast and break reality stuff. reward is proportional to risk and if you are okay with just attributing to a big name, then that's on you
rant