Been making minor refactors to code base. Ran into something that resembles and behaves like a brainfart. Accepts arguments, uses them to query DB then completely disregards result and builds own result yielding dubious output.
Dumb as I am, went to investigate the story behind it. Maybe some weird business rules involved.
Git gave commit. 100+ files changed. Nice one.
Went to original story and there it was, clearly stated, like a true moronic decision: "Squash all feature commits to a single commit". No specs, no description, no explanation... Nothing.
Well... FUCK YOU TO!

Still trying to understand a good old pile of legacy:

function isValidDate($value) {
if ($value == "" || ($value == 0 && is_numeric($value)) {
return true;
}
// goes on to check if value is some number between 2000 and current year
}

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE! DESPISE EVERY DAMNED CELL THAT MAKES THEM HOMO MOTHERFUCKING SAPIENS. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM! EVEN THOSE THAT HAVE USABLE BRAINCELLS FALL INTO ABBYS OF COMPLETE VOID WITHIN ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF COMPLETE, RETARDED IDIOTS. HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO VERBALIZE A SIMPLE YET COHERENT THOUGHT! IS IT SO HARD TO KNOW WHAT IN THE HELL YOU WANT AND IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID! DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT DOES COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF WORDS COMING FROM YOUR DISGUSTING MOUTH IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! CAN THAT CRIPPLED BRAINCELL OF YOUR GRASP A SIMPLE CONCEPT OF AGREEMENT?!

Thank you google for providing useless shit as description for your app updates and thank you app devs for following Google's idiocy. Now, when you actually add a new but useful feature to your app I have no way of knowing it until I stumble on it by accident.
🖕!!!

*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
Me: ??
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*

YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!

*tentatively watching movie*
Some family standing in front of a house.
Kid asks: dad, what is this?
Dad: homepage
Me: ??

It took me way to long to realize that the kids name is Paige and the place is their new house. I hate it when that happens.