Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
I plan to write a book about my previous company because I had such a magical experience in that fairy land. I spent three years with indigenous tribes out of touch from the modern human civilization. They take pride in their culture and their use of MS Excel and SVN technologies.
Over the years, these tribes discovered how to organize a queuing system through Skype group chats. If a tribe member wants to update the spreadsheet, they will enter their name in the group chat until it forms a queue (name1 > name2 and so on..) and once they're done, they enter "Done" in the group chat.
It's amazing how these tribes came up with such an efficient and systematic approach of wasting their lives! Researchers are baffled with this newly uncovered secret that some of them believe it could be the work of an advanced alien civilization. There's just no way humans could have thought of that.
These tribes have a lot to teach us. Hell, I know it taught me some knowledge I wouldn't otherwise find in the modern world. During my stay there, I learned the following:
1. Why hell is good after all.
2. How to fake a coma.
3. How to recover from a stroke in 5 minutes.
4. The art of astral projection during a meeting.
5. Is that a subliminal message or are you passive aggressive?
6. What clients want = anal fisting.
7. How to stealthily check your pulse when talking to someone really stupid.
8. "Sent emails will be received" - a tribe member.
9. Hardcoding a dollar sign + shell command to make it work.
10. How to make a scrum meeting last for two hours.
11. How to collect bus tickets like a peasant for transportation reimbursement.
12. What's that smell and why does he keep sniffing it? A colleague's expired lunch.
13. Why it's wrong to confront a colleague who's always three hours late.
14. How to play Nintendo Switch in two big screens and a projector in the boardroom with glass walls.
15. Pretending this life is virtual reality.
16. Why you're not in GTA and running everyone over with your car is bad.
17. Vivisection for dummies.
18. Summoning the devil for entertainment.
19. Devil worship during working sessions.
20. The kama sutra of assasination.
21. How to speed up the dying process.
22. Is it a stiff client or rigor mortis?
23. How to control your laughter when someone is crying.
24. How to control your laughter when someone just died.
25. Your manager is not a pocket pussy, stop it.
26. Why some clients don't die of old age.
27. Easy occult symbols for your bullet journal.
28. How to insert subliminal messages for mass suicide in your members' Trello boards.
29. 82 handy methods of torture.
30. Can you get a maternity and paternity leave at the same time if you're a single parent?
31. How to reason with your inner demons.
32. That laptop costs too much to break it on someone's face.
33. Masturbation while working from home.
34. "Honesty system" = We don't have the resources to automate this.
35. How to get reincarnated as a cockroach.
36. That creature with a tiny voice is human too. Yep, she's a team member.
37. Why does that Hodor look-alike keep touching you?
38. Gee. That IT bitch's face is shaped like a half moon.
39. How to program by clicking buttons.
40. Does your manager count as a human sacrifice?
41. How to encourage your colleagues to sacrifice a Chinese co-worker to an active volcano on their outing.
42. Playing porn in a colleague's wireless bluetooth speaker.
43. Tinder swiping during meetings.
44. Using a ticket management system in the dev environment.
45. How to estimate and then change that estimate later on to fit your actual hours.
46. How to shoot down that ungrateful fuck.
47. How to dissolve your team after you've disappeared.
48. How to tell if you're actually dead.
49. How to plan a massacre for some mental stimulation.
50. Eating with a one liter bottle of muriatic acid on your desk and convincing your colleagues that it burns fat and they should try mixing it with their coffee.
And so much more. My heart is still heavy from all these wonderful experiences that I decided to write a book about it. The world should know about this.16
This was my first freelancer project. Just dropped out of school, i think i was 17. No money, no proper hardware, i had a very old laptop & stolen wifi from our neighbor. I lived in a very small room at my mom’s flat, she wanted me out as soon as i turn 18. At the time my plan was to work on freelancer stuff and make my own games. “It will be fine, fuck school, who needs school? 😂“ I haven’t really finished anything back then, so i only had a few wip hobby projects to show ppl as my references. I saw a freelancer job posting. The task was to make a simple quiz game for mobile, it paid 350$. Back then that was a lot of money for me so i took it. I met the client, he said “2-3 week tops, i send you everything, you do the code” Cool. I finally had a “job”😃. The 2-3 weeks turned into a 8 month blur of all-nighting and just implement one more thing and its finished. I did not really have any experience on how to deal with clients and i really needed this project to finally have something on my porfolio. I motivated myself with “if i can finish this i can finish anything”. I think the story of my most definitive all-nighting was 3 months into the development. I finally got everything from the client so it was like just put it together and its done. The client wanted 300 levels, beeing a noob i was i started making all the 300 unity scenes by hand, aligning the pictures, the ui, testing each level, making adjustments to the code, etc.. after a really long night and a fuckton of caffeine i was done. I sent it to the client at around 9 am and gone to sleep. When i woke up i checked my emails to saw this: Cool! But can we do hints? (wich needed a fuckton of rework of my code) I think i had my first mental breakdown while working on the project. After that he wanted more modifications and because i made every level by hand i had to remake all of them like 10 times 😂
But in the end it turned out positive, he really helped me to start my carrier, we became sord of friends and the project gave me a lot of confidence and experience on how to deal with stuff when shit goes wrong because everything that can go wrong in a project gone wrong. It was the most valuable developer lesson. Plus it sounds so cool to say “i was born in development hell, b*tch!”🕶
I attached a pic of the laptop i worked on 😂
Thanks for reading 😃33
Before you're hired:
1. A binary tree?
3. Higher-order function?
4. How does event loop work?
5. What is prototype?
6. What is encapsulation?
7. Can you draw an algorithm?
After you're hired:
1. Hey, can you add auth token and login to our app?19
- FULKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FIRFUCKING A FUCKING FATE UDE IN FUCKING FUCKING FIRSTE FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUR FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FA. FUCKING FULSED CHARVERE FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING F
Probably going to catch a lot of heat for this, but the casual misogyny, racism and homophobia in this community is just so, so sad.
I’m not left-leaning. I’m not a liberal. I’m not a feminist (third wave).
What I am however is someone that has experienced the toxicity directed toward myself for a part of my identity I have no control over.
Do you not realise that your heel-digging, joke-making, feminazi-labelling, gatekeeping douchebaggery is *exactly* what has led to the insanity we’re seeing these days? If you keep ratcheting it up, they’re going to as well.
Just take a step back, and try to envision what your life would be like if you weren’t a straight white male (TM), and how the conversations and behaviours you participate in or are witness to in the workplace might affect people that are not in that wonderful club.
By virtue of being straight, white and male you have the inherent privilege of walking into a workplace and not immediately thinking these things:
“Are my clothes too revealing?”
“Is that guy starting at my thighs?”
“Shit. I’m the only black one here”
“Fuck. Did I sound gay just then?”
“Does my makeup make me look like a whore?”
These questions aren’t the fault of straight white males, they’re an inherent part of the minority experience, what *is* the fault of straight white males however is the negligent attitude towards these very real issues.
It’s not cool to judge a colleague’s attitude differently because they’re a woman.
It’s not cool to tell a female colleague to smile.
It’s not cool to make gay jokes like “no homo” in the workplace.
It’s not cool to joke about how hot a female colleague is.
It’s not cool to ask the ethnic colleagues where they’re from, because your implicit motivation is that they’re surely not born and raised.
Accept that behaviours like these are pernicious and dangerous, and be willing to look inwards and realise you may be part of the problem.
Don’t label it as an attack on the heterosexual, the male or the white. It isn’t. It’s a cry to equalise things and make people aware that their privileged experience of life (relatively speaking) is not universal.50
They call it $5/gb hotel wifi, i call it free uncapped 100meg fibre because your security sucks
Oh and they host their entire POS (and database with backups) on the same network accessible to every TV in the hotel22
None of these people are real.
The “photos” are generated via neural network.
Difference between machine learning and AI:
If it is written in Python, it's probably machine learning
If it is written in PowerPoint, it's probably AI4
A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.
It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.
Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).
So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...
So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.
We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!207
If they record this job interview as a TV show, it could be the next big hit in Dubai, called “Dubai got talents” 🤔31
The new google site looks like something i woulda made when i was 12 and discovered border-radius11
When I finished my studies, I was looking for a job and had an interview at a smallish company.
Boss: can you do C?
Me: yes, I have already done some stuff in C.
Boss: I mean, are you really good in C?
Me, growing suspicious: well yes I already have been using it - but anyway, there's also the project documentation for looking up, right?
Boss: uhm, the code IS the documentation.
I envisioned myself being drowned in undocumented spaghetti code and wasn't really keen on that job anymore, but my following question pretty much ended the interview:
Me: oh, I see. Do you have any roadmap for getting your development to a more professional base?
His looks, priceless! He was just shocked when he realised that he had failed my interview, and that I was a fresher made it even harder to digest for him.31
Did you know?
Critical error notifications in production are not a problem if you don't give a fuck.5
TOP 10 PROGRAMMING BEST PRACTICES
#1 Start numbering from 0.
#10 Sort elements in lexicographic order for readability.
#2 Use consistent indentation.
#3 use Consistent Casing.
#4.000000000000001 Use floating-point arithmetic only where necessary.
#5 Not avoiding double negations is not smart.
#6 Not recommended is Yoda style.
#7 See rule #7.
#8 Avoid deadlocks.
#9 ISO-8859 is passÃ© - Use UTF-8 if you ▯ Unicode.
#A Prefer base 10 for human-readable messages.
#10 See rule #7.
#10 Don't repeat yourself.13
Real Chat with new female friend.
Me : what are you studying now?
she : First year of MBBS
Me : that's nice. Generally boys/girls take admission in engg and commerce.
she : yuk. I hate engineer's and engineering specially that PC worm's(soft engg).
Me : k
She : what are you studying?
Me : soft engg
she : I didn't mean it.
Me : it's ok