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Coworker: I'm trying to classify data based on X
Me: Mhh. Seems like a hard task, we don't have data to figure out X
Coworker: I know! That's why I thought about using machine learning!
Me: (Oh, boy)
Coworker: I'm working on training this ML model that will be able to classify based on X
Me: and what are the inputs for your training?
Coworker: The data classified based on X
Me: And where did you get that from?
Coworker: I don't have it! That will be the output of my ML model!
Me: But you just said that was the input!
Me: Don't you see a contradiction here?
Coworker: Yes, it's a pretty complicated problem, that's why I'm stuck. Can you help me with that?
Me: (Looking at my watch) Sorry I'm late for a meeting. Catch up later, bye!17
I plan to write a book about my previous company because I had such a magical experience in that fairy land. I spent three years with indigenous tribes out of touch from the modern human civilization. They take pride in their culture and their use of MS Excel and SVN technologies.
Over the years, these tribes discovered how to organize a queuing system through Skype group chats. If a tribe member wants to update the spreadsheet, they will enter their name in the group chat until it forms a queue (name1 > name2 and so on..) and once they're done, they enter "Done" in the group chat.
It's amazing how these tribes came up with such an efficient and systematic approach of wasting their lives! Researchers are baffled with this newly uncovered secret that some of them believe it could be the work of an advanced alien civilization. There's just no way humans could have thought of that.
These tribes have a lot to teach us. Hell, I know it taught me some knowledge I wouldn't otherwise find in the modern world. During my stay there, I learned the following:
1. Why hell is good after all.
2. How to fake a coma.
3. How to recover from a stroke in 5 minutes.
4. The art of astral projection during a meeting.
5. Is that a subliminal message or are you passive aggressive?
6. What clients want = anal fisting.
7. How to stealthily check your pulse when talking to someone really stupid.
8. "Sent emails will be received" - a tribe member.
9. Hardcoding a dollar sign + shell command to make it work.
10. How to make a scrum meeting last for two hours.
11. How to collect bus tickets like a peasant for transportation reimbursement.
12. What's that smell and why does he keep sniffing it? A colleague's expired lunch.
13. Why it's wrong to confront a colleague who's always three hours late.
14. How to play Nintendo Switch in two big screens and a projector in the boardroom with glass walls.
15. Pretending this life is virtual reality.
16. Why you're not in GTA and running everyone over with your car is bad.
17. Vivisection for dummies.
18. Summoning the devil for entertainment.
19. Devil worship during working sessions.
20. The kama sutra of assasination.
21. How to speed up the dying process.
22. Is it a stiff client or rigor mortis?
23. How to control your laughter when someone is crying.
24. How to control your laughter when someone just died.
25. Your manager is not a pocket pussy, stop it.
26. Why some clients don't die of old age.
27. Easy occult symbols for your bullet journal.
28. How to insert subliminal messages for mass suicide in your members' Trello boards.
29. 82 handy methods of torture.
30. Can you get a maternity and paternity leave at the same time if you're a single parent?
31. How to reason with your inner demons.
32. That laptop costs too much to break it on someone's face.
33. Masturbation while working from home.
34. "Honesty system" = We don't have the resources to automate this.
35. How to get reincarnated as a cockroach.
36. That creature with a tiny voice is human too. Yep, she's a team member.
37. Why does that Hodor look-alike keep touching you?
38. Gee. That IT bitch's face is shaped like a half moon.
39. How to program by clicking buttons.
40. Does your manager count as a human sacrifice?
41. How to encourage your colleagues to sacrifice a Chinese co-worker to an active volcano on their outing.
42. Playing porn in a colleague's wireless bluetooth speaker.
43. Tinder swiping during meetings.
44. Using a ticket management system in the dev environment.
45. How to estimate and then change that estimate later on to fit your actual hours.
46. How to shoot down that ungrateful fuck.
47. How to dissolve your team after you've disappeared.
48. How to tell if you're actually dead.
49. How to plan a massacre for some mental stimulation.
50. Eating with a one liter bottle of muriatic acid on your desk and convincing your colleagues that it burns fat and they should try mixing it with their coffee.
And so much more. My heart is still heavy from all these wonderful experiences that I decided to write a book about it. The world should know about this.16
After countless hours trying to spell my name for customer service over the phone, I made a little webpage that helps me spell words phonetically! 💬
My two cent: Java is fucking terrible for computer science. Why the fuck would you teach somebody such a verbose language with so many unwritten rules?
If you really want your students to learn about computer, why not C? Java has no pointer, no passed by reference, no memory management, a lots of obscure classes structure and design pattern, this shit is garbage. The student will almost never has contact with the compiler, many don't even know of existence of a compiler.
Java is so enterprise focused and just fucked up for educating purpose. And I say it as somebody who (still) uses it as main language.
If you want your students to be productive and learn about software engineering, why not Python? Things are simple in Python can can be done way easier without students becoming code monkeys (assuming they don't use for each task a whole library). I mean java takes who god damn class and an explicitly declared entry point which is btw. fucking verbose to print something into the console.
My gitlab order has just arrived and because there’s no news after a month, I decided to contact them and they gave a water bottle, a mug, and a pack of stickers for free44
Sometimes I want to fuck customers with 30 samurai methods ! A few minutes ago, some one called me and asked me to make a website like Google for him with 500$ 😑16
Delete an entire working source code and start again from scratch a few hours before the deadline because I thought it was ugly.9