What are your favourite made up quotes?

"There are no wolves inside of me, I would take my time to slowly murder them." ~Liam Neeson

There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We do not believe this to be a coincidence. - Linux Haters Handbook

The problem with quotes on the internet is you can never be certain they're authentic.
- Abraham Lincoln

That very obvious hit of cognitive dissonance.

Ivan Sirko, leader of the Zaporozhian Cossacks:

"O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight art thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with thy naked arse? The devil shits, and thy army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons. We have no fear of thy army; by land and by sea we will battle with thee. Fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow. Screw thy own mother!"

“I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this shit?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers”

-Nick Cave, apparently.

"When I am looking for a skate park I just listen for kids saying: "Fuck-this, fuck-that, that's sick". Then I find one." ~Tony Hawk