Literally begging my brain to relax so I can sleep.

I've gotten my drive and passion for coding back (Working on a project that'll be released for beta soon) but unfortunately, the sleepless nights came back with it.

It's currently 6am and I want to sleep but soon as I close my eyes, I see more features, optimizations and potential bug fixes. I have a slight migraine which is quite annoying.

Wish I could turn my brain off on command. Please make it stop 😔

I can relate

Is this mania?

@Demolishun God I hope it doesn't get to that

@Tasperen I cycle between sleeping heavy and light. Supposedly I have "bipolar 2". Which is not as bad as bipolar. I will take a generic benadryl during the slightly manic times. I think its called dyphenhydramine or something.

@Demolishun yes https://devrant.com/rants/10175797/...

by that chart I have schizophrenia. actually when I'm sleep deprived and onto something and I sleep and wake up I realize I totally don't care about what I was doing yesterday. I also can't detect that I'm over-involved when it's that late at night for some reason. I've taken many drugs in the past though and I'm pretty good at detecting delusions made by psychotropic drugs or emotional states, both in myself and others. but the dopamine psychosis I can't tell when I enter it, until it's over and the next day

I would sleep 4 hours a night in my teen years, like consistently for years, because my life required it / was livable if I did. after entering the working world and moving out I tried to sleep like normal people but I can't seem to do it. I seem to sleep 10 hours a day and it just never stops. I also have delayed phase sleep easily if I'm even a little bit stressed, and I can't even get up before noon lol

fuck if I know. must've messed up my development years I guess

and when people complain about jetlag I find it funny! because my jetlag never ends!

(I can actually force myself to get up before noon but it gets way way way worse, I get nauseas)

TIL delayed phase sleep disorder wiki got updated

and finally they acknowledge that people are consistent for 24 hour schedules just can't force themselves into normal societal schedules

and it's genetic and it turns off sensitivity to light lol

so that would explain a lot. cuz yeah fucking nothing works. I can stay up late no problem though. and waking up if I have to force myself is absolute garbage and it literally never stops feeling like absolute garbage. just forever jetlag and fuck you, watch your co workers make snide remarks about how you don't wanna wake up early. life is like sleep deprivation torture because SoCiEtY. ah, validation.

so not schizophrenia, just tortured by everyone wanting you to be normal 😇

@Demolishun maniacs can last days with ease without sleep and gain "energy" the same time until they kinda explode. Mania is best feeling in the world at beginning

@retoor wait, best feeling in the world? like there's nothing better? like it's x10 anything else?

I suffer from apathy as a personality and now I wonder if it has to do with regular sleep deprivation putting me into mania so much, so it just ruined my sensitivity to what is good. maybe I'm not always bored but just my expectations got warped by mania moods

@Demolishun you can diagnose yourself with it, fine. I wish I wasn't. It comes with some not well known issues that are very painful to live with. I luckely only have mania side, not depression. But when they GET me for having a mania, they stuff me so full with drugs that I cant do anything anymore. Just had that situation one and half year ago. Lady half year was fine. They let everyone be depressed and even make you depressed if you have mania. And they love depressed people, they're harmless. Mania people, the fight it with fire. I have forced injection every month and recently got message it will be extended. No reason given. I once tried to stop this horrible medication bevause sick, sick side effects but the judge almost lwught to me. Now, I'm used to the medication and will keep it. I can't come in contact with the police for over a year or I get directly a sentence of a month

@retoor it was a doctor that diagnosed.

@jestdotty it's better than any drugs. Also, you're clearly not on drugs. It shocks people that know you, strangers do not really care. Who cares about a stranger dancing in center of supermarket or whole day running in the park. It's your environment that will take your last energy by refusing to cooperate with anything you want so you end up alone. On streets even

@Demolishun real doctor or psychiatrist or @bazmd?

@retoor real doctor, medical, not mental

@retoor Doctor feel good? lol

@Demolishun not a soul plumber