378
v-vp
2y

windows update code

function update(){
print("10%");
print("30%");
print("50%");
print("99%");
_doActualUpdate();
_mineBitcoin();
print("100%");
return;
}

Comments
  • 7
    Have a look at the fucking API. The searcher code doesn't even have a way to get any progress.
  • 28
    the last line is incorrect, it should be

    if(!minedEnoughBitcoins()){
    showUpdateError();
    }
  • 1
  • 3
    I would highly suggest to try the 'Install-WindowsUpdate'-Command from https://boxstarter.org/

    It kicks the update service to get all the updates it can and installs it without any hesitation. I use this first thing on any windows machine I had to set up. It's also useful to run before an important meeting or anything else where you NEED your pc to function properly.
  • 1
    I don't actually use windows except for gaming but i'm curious. Is there really no way do disable automatic updates?
  • 1
    @mmyelf I don't know about that since I'd like to keep my system up to date for security reasons anyway. You can set 'active hours' though, in which your pc doesn't try to force restart. Again, I'd recommend to open a Boxstarter shell and just let 'Install-WindowsUpdates' run for once a month. That should suffice for any normal User.
  • 1
    Absolutely correct
  • 3
    Is Windows written in javascript?
  • 2
    Netflix actually does it. This shit is real.
  • 4
    @sonofwind
    I bet it's written in brainfuck 😁
  • 1
    time.sleep(0.2)
    # To act like its actually working
  • 0
    //Actual code

    function update(){

    print("10%");

    print("30%");

    print("50%");

    print("99%");

    _doActualUpdate();

    if(!minedEnoughBitcoins()){

    showUpdateError();

    }else{

    _initNSABackdoor();

    print("100%");

    return;

    }

    }
  • 1
    What's the reason for the underscore prefix?
  • 4
    @maysi it's how hidden/private (secret) variables are usually named in many languages.
  • 1
    It should be like this:
    print("100%);
    _doActualUpdate()
    _minrBitCoins()
    return;
  • 1
    _mineBitcoins(10)

    You forgot the amount of Bitcoins to mine ^^
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