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platypus
6y

No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.

I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.

I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.

I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.

I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.

I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.

I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.

I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.

Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.

See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?

Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.

Hugs and kisses,

Platypus

rant

not agile

piece of shit

scrum
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  • 1
    6y
    I love your passion and respect how you feel about this.

    But I must say, sometimes scrum helps(as annoying as it sounds and is to implement) and when you are the one behind the structure and you are the one setting the rules it helps even more if you know what you are doing.

    There is a reason why some large software firms are implementing it.

    But I want to know if there is a particular reason that maked you hate it. Maybe you are a hardcore dev that is disciplined enough(as I believe you are) that does not require it, maybe you got stuck with it at one point and the results did not look good enough for your consideration.

    Other than the idea of our profession being tailored as you mentioned previously.

    I mean no condescension or disrespect btw. Just curious for your input since in my experience scrum helps me and my organization. Specially with dealing with non disciplined devs that don't want to listen to proper standards(blames and sprint setbacks are a real plus for me)
  • 6
    6y
    When I've seen the output of Scrum managed projects, it's been substandard work---especially architecture wise.

    What I see in Scrum projects is that devs aren't beinh developed. They are having shit shovelled at them in short bursts and they only getting better at doing tactical work.

    It's a tool for quality control that doesn't do anything to radically enhance the skills of those who are victims of it. It's a tool for management---not for developers.

    I truly believe it's a cancer in our industry and we're not building the cadre of talented software engineers we'll need in the future.

    It's a production line.

    Thank God I didn't have to serve my apprenticeship under such a system.

    So, yes, I understand why it's a popular management tool. But, it's ultimately a bad, bad thing.
  • 2
    6y
    And, of course, as ever, if it's works for you and your staff/company, I'm genuinely happy for you.

    I'm just expressing a personal opinion.
  • 2
    6y
    That's why I'm fond of regulated domains where you can't just dick around nilly-willy. OK, documentation is heavy, but at least, work is somewhat structured.
  • 1
    6y
    "There is a reason why some large software firms are implementing it."

    I suspect we may have different views as to what that reason is.
  • 2
    6y
    @platypus and I respect it. I really do and it also makes sense to me. If given the chance I would not use scrum, the only reason why I use it at work is because the people working with me are not really good devs and I need to keep them managed. I am a developer so I also make myself follow the guidelines. But if i could dump it out I would since it annoys me!!

    You are a cool dev! :D glad you didn't take my statements ase contradicting or mean :D
  • 2
    6y
    @Fast-Nop Yes, when it's appropriate, process can be a boon. Space shuttle guidance system...nuclear power control system. All need solid engineering principles.

    I'm 100% on board with us needing to improve software engineering. But that's not what Scrum is doing. Quite the opposite, I'd argue.
  • 2
    6y
    @AleCx04 No offence at all. I'm more than happy to hear people's opinions. And thank you for sharing yours.
  • 0
    6y
    @platypus well, I'm not (yet) into stuff where people could die if something goes wrong, but also systems of lesser criticality need to adhere to dev process.

    When we have a bug in a delivered system, there's usually also a post-mortem. Why is the bug there? At what stage should it have been detected? Why wasn't it detected?

    Sometimes, the result is that a process should have covered this. I have personally pushed through with QA that a certain type of robustness analysis is now mandatory for all our products.
  • 3
    6y
    @Fast-Nop I hope I'm not giving the impression that being anti-Scrum is being anti-process. I'm all for testing, QA, engineering, CI/CD, etc (as required).

    This isn't a "Hey! Let's just all sit and hack out bits of Python...and to hell with PEP 8...and xcopy to production." rant.
  • 0
    6y
    I would say scrum's most useful benefit for developers is that it can keep management from constantly changing the team's priorities (if the scrum master is doing his/her job).
  • 1
    6y
    @spongessuck Until the next sprint, right?

    Keeping people focused is part of pretty much *any* project management process. Dicking around in the middle of things doesn't help any project.

    Again, if anything, Scrum *encourages* changes more than other approaches.
  • 1
    6y
    @platypus ah no, on the contrary, that was rather that Scrum in practice often collides with structured development in favour of hacking in short-termed goals until the whole thing collapses under architecture rot and technical debt.

    Because, what KPI is it that Scrum readily invites? Implemented stories, of course.
  • 2
    6y
    @Fast-Nop Absolutely. Spot on.
  • 0
    6y
    Just read this, thought it might help

    https://mountaingoatsoftware.com/bl...

    Describes my last few ScrumMasters as if he was in my stand-ups.
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