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Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me
*piano starts
Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant
*piano
It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning
*epic guitar
I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo
I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging
Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!
*epic guitar
So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here
*epic guitar solo
Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them
Any way this code blows10 -
Manager: I need estimates for your sprint tasks
Me: I've never done any of this before, my estimates have no context and are effectively worthless
Manager: don't worry it's just for the Jira board.
Me: OK *gives estimates*
End of sprint comes...
Manager: Why isn't task X done?
Me: *sigh*
I don't miss my old job :)
3 -
/* Daily sit down meeting */
What did you work on yesterday?
- Tea
What are you working on today?
- Tea
Any road blocks?
- *sips tea* ...nah no13 -
Our manager is not a developer and he has no idea of what we are doing most of the time, but he thinks that stand-up meetings are the coolest way to control us.
Sometimes coworkers joke about his lack of knowledge and today I think we reached the highest jerk level: «Yesterday I opened a new branch on the git repository and today I'll continue on this task».
I struggled to stay serious on my turn.8 -
Our product owner's equivalent of "It's not a bug, it's a feature" seems to be "It's not a new requirement, it's a clarification."
:-/2 -
Let's build a house with no blueprint, no idea how it should look but have daily meetings about the bathroom... #Scrum3
-
You know scrum is working when the dev team are feeling that scrum isn't working because they have nothing to do because the product team can't keep up with the pace.4
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During scrum, we have a remote QA Engineer who literally includes what she and her child do during her lunch breaks.
"Yesterday during lunch, little Jimmy and I went clothes shopping during lunch and I got him some new shirts and they're 100% cotton"
NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!12 -
SCRUMS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE 15 MINUTES, NOT FUCKING 1.5 HOURS
People who like hearing themselves talk shouldn't be in charge of meetings. We can't get the work done if you keep having meetings to talk about us getting the work done.6 -
PO: Here's a small cool feature I thought of, should be easy enough *shows very basic draft spec*
Me: Cool, how does it work for logged out users? What about customers in Spain? Does it work with US sales tax? Do we need to update the privacy policy? Do we have translations? What's the fallback if it breaks? Who will be maintaining the content?
PO: ...
PO: I'll get back to you
*never hears about feature again*6 -
worst part of working in scrum: trying to remember what you worked on Friday for Monday morning's stand-up meeting.2
-
Pro tip to scrum masters: bringing a scrum suitcase to your sprint meetings is more useful than bringing scrumbags.
1 -
No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.
I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.
I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.
I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.
I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.
I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.
I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.
I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.
Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.
See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?
Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.
Hugs and kisses,
Platypus15 -
Devops here, Devops there ... Stop with this bullshit, less than half of the guys with Devops on their CV truly are Devops.
Same shits for Fullstack or Scrum Master, and I think I know why.
Because recruiters and companies absolutly ignore what it truly is : "Devops ? That's the new name for sysadmin hipster, believe me we're not hiring Sysadmin anymore but Devops now.".
So now they want more and more people with these profiles.
This is just leading everyone to become what they're not.
Please get your facts straight before fucking everything up.
5 -
I am tired of toxic politics at work.
Signs of a toxic workplace:
* (good) decisions are discouraged rather than encouraged.
Someone wants to introduce a great optimization and guess what the reply is (often from someone IT-ignorant): wait a minute, you can't do that because we have all these nifty little hacks and if you dare to suggest change to our shitty system, we could not allow that! We want to stay in our comfy zone, no no!
* no one can make a decision unless Mr. favorite-developer-everyone-likes says it's a good idea. And even if he's wrong, no one cares to listen to anyone else's idea on it. Stupid Feudalism. One man decides over the entire codebase. That's just idiocy. Where's TEAM in there?
* thinking years of experience equals intellectual capacity. It certainly does not! There are senior developers with 15 years of experience who don't even know how to open commandline, or they didn't even know about Chrome developer tools, or how the HTTP spec is built. That shit just makes me cry inside. How can you give these peoples the title of senior when they know less than a freshman year kid?!
* ignoring people's education and/or capacities. "You just graduated, so you're a noob". Right, I know more than you, you idiot. You've demonstrated your ignorance often enough. Stupid ignorant colleagues.
* blaming politics (every team blames the other team and there's constant tension)
* roaming ignorance (no one in the company, and I mean no one, besides me, knows enough about Information Technology to make competent decisions or analysis)
Politics:
What gives testers the idea that they know more than other members of the team? Why do they treat devs like they are mentally challenged?
What gives PO's that same idea?
What gives managers the idea that they can just yell at developers and threaten them with time pressure? Yeah, because the customers are breathing down their neck.
Just because I am a Junior Developer, that makes me stupid? I am tired of no one caring to listen to my ideas. I could save the company at the snap of a finger but everyone ignores my opinion (and often facts) on things.
People come in and instead of asking me for help, they ask everyone else for help, including the people who don't know shit about IT; now that's insulting.
Anyway, toxic politics.3 -
When job requirements say:
Programming Languages:
CSS
Scrum
Git
jQuery
JSON
...who tf writes these requirements!?9 -
Sprint planning meeting, two hours trying to plan what to do with a new feature we wanted to add to one of our systems.
The boss gets out of the meeting room to get a phone number to make a call (we needed to ask something to one of our clients).
5 minutes later, the boss comes back and saw that the lead dev was going to his own desk.
Boss: Where do you think you’re going?
Lead dev: I’m bored :v
😂😂😂😂😂7 -
So guys, for those of you that know what a burn down chart is, this is my teams, aka Front-end ONLY for end of March.
8 -
My team has regular daily meetings they all call scrum. Meetings like 1+ hours. I wanna immolate myself in protest!2
-
Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter
Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox
This is why we need a product owner4 -
So...my first experience with Scrum. How many fucking energy and productivity draining meetings can you squeeze in to two weeks?!!!! Agile? Hahaha. Don't get me started! Leave me alone and let me get some work done!4
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Client: we are using Scrum. Next week we have sprint review organized by the project manager.
Me: it’s not Scrum.
Client: in the next sprint we work on a mockup not releasable in production.
Me: it’s not Scrum.
Client: sprint backlog is changed again, at the end we must do everything that is written in the contract with that fixed amount of money.
Me: definitely not Scrum.
Client: we are using Scrum.
Me: Ok.1 -
I start to grasp why sprints are called the way they are. tomorrow is the last day of my first one and I'm fucking exhausted.8
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When your daily scrum takes an hour because your senior developer co-worker gives unnecessary and incredibly detailed updates...
"Well, first I tried hiding the button, but it wouldn't come up when I needed it to, so then I made an options menu, but the sliding transition was difficult to implement, so then I..."7 -
I think I just hit my lowest point.
Spent ALL of last week trying to get my WAMP server to call a PHP script via AJAX and I kept getting 404s. Spent at least 10 hours on stack overflow trying to figure out why the server wasn't accessing it only to find out today that I was both looking at the wrong directory and also working the file name wrong.
I think I just need to walk away from programming for a while... 😧3 -
Had a conference call and one of the guys said something along the lines of "I can handle the load (ticket load)" didn't even thought about it my mouth instinctively reacted with "that's what she said".
A couple of guys laughed but the other few just "wooooow"ed like if I had thrown a 9/11 joke.
This is not a rant perse, just a reminder that if I ever launch my own startup I shall look to hire "joke sensitive" people to make my scrum meetings as awkward as possible.4 -
When your team wants to do daily scrum but there's only four of you and you work for different clients.1
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-Be a university student
-Work with SCR(OT)UM for the first time
-Divide tasks into 3 day sprints
-Watch the SCRUM master go nuts and the project fail
Never again3 -
A coworker during scrum today: "Last week, I worked on the new feature. Also, I have an announcement for everyone: I'm going through a divorce so I moved in with my parents and will be working remotely for a while. I have no blockers...except for the divorce."1
-
Product owner/Scrum master: "We don't have any time to review pull requests. We need the development time for features"6
-
I’ll quit swearing when you stop moving user-stories in and out of the sprint DURING THE FUCKING SPRINT.7
-
U know this guy, whos Shady AS FUCK..
He waited until the end of the daily(when noone was putting attention) to make an agreement with the PO about some decisions of the user history..
He doesnt even know WTF is doing, so he wanted to swap his user history for another one..
U & ALL THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER WORK WITH THE TEAM & USE PRIVATES CHATS TO CONTROL OTHERS!
FUCK U!!3 -
A delicious Sprint Planning 😋
It was a hard sprint (SCRUM methodology), but finally we were on our next’s sprint planning meeting. We had a lot of tasks to define and estimate. For the first one, we all estimated the task with 5 points, and for the second one we voted for 3 points. We were coordinated XD so, our boss said “let’s do something, if all of you vote, let’s say, 5, and another votes for a different number, he or she’s gonna buy us a six pack of beer”. Challenge accepted.
Two partners and I have to buy beers for this friday after work 😂 I don’t even mad 😋🍻
3 -
We use scrum in our company.
And with scrum I mean we don't have a scrum master, our senior developer is the project owner, we estimate in hours and the estimate is binding, so you are not allowed to work longer on a task than the estimate.
So yeah.. "scrum"4 -
Bureaucracy is the biggest impediment to progress.
Instead of putting a brick wall in front of you by saying "The PO said that you created a bug", learn how to communicate and have a horizontal hierarchy, for fuck's sake.
Even if all my tests passed, they still throw other bugs in my face and call it my fault. Fantastic. I love Scrum. This is not Scrum, this is abusing and not respecting Scrum.
Stupid rules, stupid people.1 -
I'm a developer with scrum master certification but the company wanted me to use their existing google spreadsheet for managing the tasks of 60 developers. I study agile for nothing. Kill me now please. I'm out.5
-
The whole point of having a daily scrum is to let your team know about the progress you've made from last day and what you'd be needing to stick to the sprint plan.
So ideally everyone has 30-60 seconds to give a gist of their activities. And a small scrum team would be productive because everybody is on the same page.
Our scrum meetings usually wait for all of us to assemble with our coffees and donuts, sit down, joke, and then agonizingly go over everybody's existential crisis as a developer because of the task they've been assigned to has too many dependencies. And this happens every single fucking day! These "scrum" meetings tend to go for 1 hour. FML!5 -
Today we had our first standup. We sat for all 90+ mins of it. The irony. Maybe the standing part isn’t that important? Or maybe it went for 90 mins because we weren’t standing? Sigh. Save me.7
-
Sprint planning:
PO: I have a great idea for a new game changing feature
Team: cool, let’s talk requirements, etc
PO: nah, I trust you can come up with the best implementation possible
Sprint demo:
Team: presents the feature
PO: Why are you guys always doing it your way, instead of following my vision?!
Every single sprint...3 -
Infinity is defined by the time it takes for a group of developers to reach an agreement about what is the "Definition of Done".3
-
TL/DR;
Worked as outsource where Scrum was misused. Please use it as a guide rather than law.
RANT;
Just remembered working as an outsourced programmer...
The Scrum master got us all... all of us... everyday... most people on Skype too... to update with our plans, issues etc.
So including the time trying to get everyone to sync up on Skype at around 9am, introductions, updates from EVERYONE... back and forth suggestions... I'd be starting near midday.
The task was related to making a tile based menu system that was populated with items from a backend... On paper, I only really needed to talk to the 1 artist and the 1 backend guy to understand the request / responses.
But even the art assets were arbitrary sizes... untileable... at the time they even had to be power of two too... My god, getting them changed was a nightmare...
In the end I was too slow for them.
Gladly.4 -
Scrum Master? More like Scum Master.. The nutjob sends a calendar invite for daily stand up for 30 minutes which extends to 50 minutes.. 50 minutes for a team of 6 people ? Fuck off.7
-
Funny story:
We were going through Sprint Planning on Monday. We got through all of the tasks that we knew we had to get done, then we started going through the backlog to see what we could pull forward.
The guy running the meeting (who's not actually a Scrum master, but whatever) get's to a task, reads it aloud, and goes, "That doesn't ring any bells. Brian, it's in your name, it says it's from May, do you know what the status of this is?
Brian reads through it for about 20 seconds before saying, "That date says it's from 2017. I don't think we need it anymore."2 -
Scrum CSM course: it's good to accept that we can't be perfect.
Also CSM course (1): if it's not followed perfectly it's not scrum
Also CSM course (2): scrum won't work in your team unless the whole organization adopts it
CSM course provider after cert: $1k CSM cert isn't enough to practice Scrum responsibly12 -
This is my first time experiencing agile development with its daily scrum meets, and I hate it already.4
-
Before 2012, I always worked in cubicles and had weekly status meetings. In 2012 I moved to a big city and learnt there was something worse than cubes: the open work plan. Marketed as a way to increase coloration, the open work space is really just the result of real estate prices being expensive in cities and how desks are cheaper than 3-cube walls.
Up until 2013, we'd usually just have the weekly status meeting. Here are your tasks for the week. I'd do them at my own pace. Some days fast, some days slow, but they'd all get done by the end of the week and I'd proudly go down my list of stuff I had done.
Since then, it's all been "agile" and "stand-ups" every. fucking. day. The work is endless. A Product Owner once told me that stand ups weren't suppose to be status meetings; that you were only suppose to say if you're blocked or need help. But in every place I've worked at, they're daily status reports. You have to preform every day.
I really hate IT today more than ever. I miss the cube. I miss the weekly status reports. Today things are so high stress and higher paced and the work is endless. You can't even really pace yourself anymore.2 -
~ before sprint starts, suring planning phase ~
Me: “There’s no chance this will be done in a sprint”.
Scrum Master: “Great, let’s just mark this as a risk and continue”.
~ two weeks later ~
Me: “oh jeez, I don’t think this task will be done this sprint!”
Screwyou Master: “Why didn’t you raise a flag sooner so we could plan better?”
~ Me proceeding to jumping off that beautiful skyscraper office ~5 -
On a doomed project. Nobody seems to know what anyone was suppose to have done last week, or the plan for this week.
I've warned them more times than I can count.
I could help, but I'll just sit here with my feet up, eating a snickers and watch them panic1 -
On a scale of 0 to who fucking cares, how important is it to stand on your feet during dailies?
I really hope this company never hires someone who uses a wheelchair.9 -
Came to work this morning with a bunch of cards coloured red, marked "urgent"...
And it's Monday... the day after Sunday...
The blues day...
Blue's my favourite colour, but this blue (and reds) I do not like...
Ok snoozy mind of mine... wake up!!1 -
This is how Scrum works:
Three coworkers are in a Scrum Team. One of them is also the Product Owner and the Scrum Master... The PO decided this Monday that they need to add a new feature for the Tuesday night release, which is estimated at 80 hours. I told the other two in front of a manager that this is not scrum. Nobody gives a shit.2 -
Since there is Scrum i am programmer , tester , software engineer , networking guy and application manager. Thank you Scrum didnt know that before. And i have no idea what i am doing right now ....2
-
PO: "Hurry the fuck up!"
me: "Well I'm sorry but no amount of wanting will speed up development. Development is complicated. Understand that".
Non-techies are super irritating.2 -
I was hired to a working team that is full of experienced people who know how to code but half the team is awfull at solving problems, and all they do is blame each other... why cant they understand we are one team and rather work on solution for 30 minutes they spent deciding who fucked up...2
-
Our agile scrum team has finally shattered into two parts.
On the one hand we have front-end guys.
On the other hand we have backend- /dev-ops guys.
The FE guys don't care about the BE guys business.
They don't join pairworking and only noticing things that went bad, when a Backend guy has caused it.
Goodbye fullstack dev-ops team...
I really dislike that arrogant basterds.
Frontend Hobo-Bitches...! -
Boss: here you go 3 tasks for your sprint
Days later with local server and db still not connecting on docker.
Boss: ya can we add a task on jira and get that fixed as soon as possible and see why its not working(feature doesnt work)
Me: you got it boss.
Me(in head): How am i ever going to finish my sprint for next Friday...8 -
The person sitting next to me in scrum is literally eating honey roasted peanuts out of a cereal bowl with a spoon6
-
I like our daily stand-ups, but our team only does it when our scrum master is present, if he takes a day off, no one cares about it
I think it's healthy for scrum teams to have that every day
What do you guys think? Are you also doing scrum? How bug is your team?6 -
[tl;dr at the bottom]
(Project Team Group Chat)
dev: @Desing team, i have a question, there's a required field missing in you design, can i go to your desktop to get an quick answer/explanation about that?
design team:....
dev: hello..?
PM: [writes a huge text to tell me that i can not interrupt them even if its a blocker and that we (dev team) shoul write them down and tell them only once a day in the scrum meeting]
dev: uuumm ok
-next day-
dev: so about that field, why did you...
Client: WHAT? There's a problem with the design!? oh boy, lets re-check every view right now with the whole team!
(it took like 2 hours, the field was missing just because they forgot that feature)
PM: okay, @DesingTeam, answer any questions from developers when they ask you...
tl;dr
we spent almost two hours with the client just because desing team didn't want to answer me a little question -
I really hate it when I work on a user story consisting only of a cryptic title: "Implement feature X".
Esp. when I missed planning during a holiday and can only wonder who in their right mind would have given it 3 points.
Why thank you.
Sometimes, just pulling the acceptance criteria out of somebody's nose takes days. It doesn't get better once I realize that not all external dependencies have been properly resolved. It's worse if there are other departments involved, as then you get into politics.
Me: "We are dependent on team X to deliver Y before we should have even planned this ticket. I'm amazed that our team was even able to estimate this ticket as I would have only raised a question mark during estimation meeting. We could have thrown dices during estimation as the number would have been as meaningful and I'd have more time to actually figure out what we should be doing."
Dev lead / PO: "I understand. But let's just do <crazy workaround that will be live until hell freezes over> temporarily."
It's borderline insane how much a chaotic work flow is branded as agile. Let's call it scrum but let's get rid of all the meaningful artefacts that make it scrum.1 -
Demo Driven Development
Now let's hit some deadlines, add the tests later, and the technical debt will probably just be somebody else's problem. -
Deadline in 24 work hours, for a in-house product to automate payment processing.
Why in 24 hours you say? , Me and the accounting guy is going on vacation on Friday.
Will it go into production on Friday evening while I'm going through the door?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
Fuck me I'm pissed. This sprint, my tech lead has been away and a senior dev has been covering for him. We plan a load of work and distribute stories and we churn threw it quite well. However, my senior dev says let's not deploy until all the works done. I was like, how is it going to be tested? He was like well it will be fine because it's all one test. Bs. We now have 2 days left, tester is getting stressed because they don't know what to test or what's been finished. Scrum master is asking why all of it should be tested at the same time and I'm here like this is fucking dumb. Also the tester decided to start testing with the most complex piece of work, rather than prioritising.
Starting to wonder if I'm just the outsider or whether no one understands that granularity is better.2 -
How long do you think code reviews should be? Ours can run from anywhere between 10 minutes to 4 hours4
-
lol @ doing stand-ups for the sake of stand-ups. I used to work for a company that vigorously applied them. Bro, I don't care about your development progress. You're wasting my time with your bla bla. Bunch of people just standing there rattling out their daily progress.. but no one really caring. Not useful.
lol..10 -
I fucking hate 1 week sprints that include review, planning, and retrospective, so technically the sprint is 4 days.1
-
just as Erik Meijer said scrum is the most stupid shit in modern development process. I worked in an organization hires ppl as full time scrum master, which is joke. each day the asks what did u finished yesterday and how long it need to finish the task assigned to u. btw the scrum masters know nothing about programming. come on man how can u finish any serious shit in one day and who cares how much shit others finished. each week just attending those freaking meetings without coding. each programmer are assigned at least 5 bosses, and what the fuck is product manager doing, it's not adding indirection can solve anything.2
-
Started a new job at a big firm (previously came from a startup). Both do "scrum". Still have my mind blown because at the new job, we have people join the standup of which NOBODY in the team knows what their role is on the product...
Does this happen often in big corporates?5 -
Newbie Agile Team: "Hi Scrum Coach, we studied and implemented the Scrum methodology, but we are late as before and our software is buggy and shitty as ever, how is that?"
Agile Coach: "Scrum Methodology is easy to learn, but difficult to master!"
Newbie Agile Team (chorus): "Oh coach, Fuck yourself daily, with your coffe thermos, standing up and once per week retrospectively. If you'll come at the next review meeting, we will gangbang your ass in front of the stakeholders"5 -
Does anyone else work with that one guy who doesn't know anything and always asking others to do his work, butt in the scrum meeting his daily updates would make management think he was Bjarne Stroustrup reincarnated?5
-
TFW your boss likes you enough to set up a full-time offer for you. 😗
TFW the offer is $20K below the average salary. 😬 -
Back in the day when daily standups where still physical, i worked at a place you had to pay a euro if you where late. This money would then be used to buy the team dinner on pizza nights for example. Ofcourse everything changed with the daily standups being digital now.
How would you still implement somekind of correction for people being late unnecessary?3 -
I'll be starting a new job soon, and I'm sure there will be a chance to implement some form of process for the dev team to use...
To Scrum or to Kanban?2 -
When you are stuck in between a very interesting Spring 5.0 GA release webcast and a stupid mandatory daily scrum call!
-
Why are companies so biased against employees those who come late and work late as compared to those who come early and leave early?
Why is it okay to leave early but not so much to come late instead?
After some of us ignored repeated warnings, we've been told that anyone come after 10:30am will be marked half day absent.
So, if they do so, I'll sit there in office playing Fifa or Table Tennis, and not work until the second half starts xD
The reason for such biasness is that the daily stand-up is at 10:30, even though more people wanted it to be after 11. They even took a vote. And yet it was ignored (funnily initially more ppl voted for 11 initially and somehow some of the votes changed for in favor of 10am... Now slowly, because half the team wouldn't be on time, it's shifted to 10:30am.
And funnily, I'm already serving notice period in this company.8 -
customer claims they do scrum but they have quarterly planning events (2 full days) where we need to estimate and plan everything for the next 3 months.
Manager: "last quarter I calculated your velicoty so now you get 4 story points per sprint per developer"
Team: "But you started us off at just 5 per sprint that's too small"
Manager: "Ok but if you only did 4 why do you now want 20"
Team: "Because it's arbitrary and we say we want to"
Manager: "1 story point is 1 day"
Team: "story points aren't time"
Manager: "4 story points is 1 sprint"
Team: "but a sprint is 10 days"
Manager: "the junior dev can do 4 story points per sprint and the senior dev can do 4 story points per sprint"
Team: ...8 -
I cant with this company any longer.
Most of it is crap but this is too much
Retrospective meeting after 2weeks sprint.
Sprint board for the meeting, in the not good section
1 -
Call me a novice, but isn't the point of a user story to be concise, limited in scope and only concerning one purpose? Kind of like a class should only have one responsibility.
This stupid other reviewer developer comes whining at me saying I broke some shit in my user story and that I need to fix it. The weirdest part is that I didn't break anything. I wrote all my tests, they all passed and yep, this guy has the nerve to come and say that I broke other shit. Well genius, if it's OTHER SHIT, then it belongs as a bug in ANOTHER STORY. What the fuck man, seriously.
A few minutes of debugging later, I found out it was someone else who broke some code earlier on a piece that was part of my part of the application.
Why are others so quick to blame? This is unprofessional. OMG I DISCOVERED AN ERROR, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE TO BLAME BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IGNORANT GUY BECAUSE YOUR TITLE IS JUNIOR DEVELOPER!
Right.
Companies like these, people, have bad communication. Bad companies.2 -
When your project leader wants to work 100% scrum and the steering committee, up front, wants to know exactly what will be delivered, what it will cost and when it will be ready..3
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A long struggle to change a nazi enforced scrum methodology that cut our efficency, technical standard and dedication to the product by just working on fragmented features that were added and removed by the wim of the PM.
Job offer in hand as senior dev somewhere else, I stayed, got better eventually. My old boss kept complaining on me for years in performance reviews that I did not respect managements decisions.
Two years of badly led scrum regime left our product in a spagetti mess that is still trying to be untangled.
Til this day, if I hear someone mutter "scrum", I feel a strong need to run far far away.6 -
I find Scrum Masters useless. I'd rather have a developer replace them. Am I overseeing their value? Could someone enlighten me?
I also think that if a group comprised of smart people, things spontaneously happen without needing a handrail to walk along.4 -
I'm absolutely fuming why on earth would someone try to apply exactly all rules of a theoretical concept. I hate those so called "scrum masters". We can't apply all rules of agile we're not machines. There's real life and theory.1
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Does anybody else feels like scrum's daily is utterly useless when working day by day on site?
I mean, we talk to each other either way, all day long. Scrum acting like this is the 15 min of whole day we will have the chance to speak...2 -
Facepalm Monday...
My collegue denies to provide breaking changes in our login API in a separate version to the other teams depending on it.
What is the reason for his stubborn rejection?
It's scrum. We haven't planned the effort for realising a versioning concept for our API.
Let's build it in the next sprint as a part of live deployment strategy.
The point he miss is that the ProductOwner wants his API change deployed during the next sprint.
Additionally, it is best practice, having a compatible, deployable product after each sprint, without any risks.
Furthermore, another best practice to provide your API is one URI without a version part holding the current development of the API. And URIs with a version part in it to keep a specific request/response structure and behavior.
What really grind my gears are sayings like 'if the other teams had well programmed their software, modifying our API won't have any effect on them'
C'mon dude. That's far from reality, as anybody knows.
I can't accept, we provide unprofessional API builds, as he is going to do.
So, i have to spend my time and energy to change his mind, together with other software-architects, planning the big thing API-Gateway *sigh*2 -
My experience with SCRUM:
Everytime some say:
Lets try scrum.. couple weeks later dropping it.
Just use Jira instead, and meetings once a week.
I Never have seem (Official) Scrum working in a team for a long period.3 -
So my team (read: not the team at all) has decided that we are going to scrum. Someone ease tell me it's not as fucking tedious as it sounds. Sounds like it's just more meetings. Especially on this team which is actually already pretty agile. And the way our "certified scrum master" describes the retrospective sounds like it was designed by the type of shitlord PM that forces everyone to wear ugly t-shirts to the mandatory company barbecue for "team building". Please tell me he's just a terrible salesman.7
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Just a reminder guys especially who do agile(scrum). TEAMS SHOULD BE HIGHLY ALIGNED BUT LOOSELY COUPLED!5
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We had our first "real" sprint planning yesterday. This was a very superficial planning session, as my manager is, by the looks of it, not to keen on the whole "new process thing". Probably because it's not his way of doing things... or simply more simply put - this way round means he'll need find some new ways to crawl up the CTOs ass!
So glad I'm leaving! -
I'm really sick of people saying "WE USE SCRUM" like that was the solution for their shitty code or their "business core"6
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Am I the only one who feels like morning scrum meetings are a complete waste of time? At least in the way that my team does them. It's 30 minutes of "I did this thing yesterday, and I will continue to do that same thing today." All of this information can be sent in an email, but we insist on meeting every morning to say the same exact things.
For the past 3 weeks, the majority of the team has said the same exact things during scrum: "I continued to work on this big feature yesterday. Thank you." Like how does a detailed retelling of what this person did yesterday pertain to the rest of the team? It's just meeting for the sake of meeting, and talking for the sake of talking.
If you have this little technical issue that only pertains to work that this single person is doing, then meet with that person separately and discuss it. There's no reason to make everybody else sit and listen to information that will never be useful to them.
And most of the time, this scrum stems into spontaneous unplanned longer meetings afterwards. So suddenly this "quick" 30 minute scrum turns in 2-hours of meetings and a morning wasted on information that could've easily been discussed over email instead5 -
'It's just...' is the biggest lie any co-dev can give you!
If it's just a small change why don't they do the god damn work and spend the next 2 days wading through an undocumented shit storm.
Next person to say 'It's just x, y & x', that ticket will be going up their tail pipe sideways! -
So today we had a pre-sprint-planning meeting where the POs told us about the stories currently in the backlog. They went ahead and "roughly prioritised" some of them. Their priorities were:
- normal (but asap please)
- has to be done this sprint, because the feature has to be in the next release (code freeze after this sprint)
- top priority, because this has to be in the previous release (which was released last friday)
The non-normal stories alone are about twice our normal velocity. Good job guys. Good job. -
Is there a team that works truly productive and happy via an agile (scrum) workflow?
Or does it always distill down to an excuse for a chaotic workflow?
My experience and cynic nature has let me to assume the latter.
(That being said, I never had a dedicated scrum master to work with. So that may be the first of many problems.)5 -
When you work for a multinational organization that's adopting scrum. We don't swarm, our PO isn't even in the same building, and one of your teammates hates git (loves TFS).
Fake it till you make it I guess?3 -
Having a meeting to decide, when to have other meetings...
Scrum, scrum of scrums, workstream, planning, pm ,design review, architecture review, Sprint review on and on....on and on on...why can't i simply code:(4 -
Every unholy, directly sent from hell, refinement-planning i ever had since dealing with scrum.
Refinement: Good
Plannings: Fine
But the juxtaposition of both kind of meetings...
... destroys nerves
... desintegrate teams
... destroys lifes
*shivers* -
Had a four hour retro/review yesterday. Plus a mini demo I had to put together. Three hour sprint planning session today.
And they still wanted me to go to some "company values" meeting tomorrow, aside from the weekly call I have to report progress. Fuck that shit.
I feel like I got nothing done this week. Monday and Tuesday were fine for the most part, but since it's been just complete idling.
I mean, I love my company, great coworkers, good management, and just all around great experience. But man, it gets frustrating when you lose so much development time... I wanted to sprinkle in some extra goodies for the next sprint, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.2 -
How do you fit QA inside the weekly sprint?
At the end of a sprint, the team should be able to give something deliverable such as a new release.
How could the developers team integrate their work with the QA team along this week?
I mean, should we test individual features with QA as soon as they’re merged or make a pre-release test with all new features together before releasing? Develop 80% of the time and reserve last 20% for tests?
Could you share something or recommend any links?3 -
Do you know that lady who waits in line at the grocery store for ages and when it's finally her turn she suddenly realizes that she might need her wallet somewhere from the bottom of her bag?
That's our current business analyst managing external dependencies like a boss... :D -
I'm at that point where I want to lash out at our team for not finishing a sprint. I've been doing the scrum master/dev role for months now and each sprint is incomplete since we have started the agile way.
Most of my team members are seasoned senior devs and my team's downfall are caused by not acting as a team. I'm the youngest in the team and have been acting as a babysitter for them.3 -
The company i work for is getting into scrum. Hired consultants, product owners and scrum masters. First action was 'lets spend 2 days in meetings estimating the rest of the project'.
Agile as fuck3 -
Today we received a new scrum master. Seems nice enough.
Now he wants to remove the fucking swimlanes from OUR jira board and change them into separate sub tasks.
Wtf.4 -
my boss doesn't believe in AGILE-SCRUM, hence android and back end is always out of sync and I always end up having to rewrite the code in order make it compatible with the back end, even though i have to post a new binary to the app store and play store not to mention get the users to actually update the damn app. How do I get my boss to adapt SCRUM?3
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Long one
So our newest team-mate has made a channel dedicated to make fun of or scrum master, then I send him a pm saying to cut out the childs play, and we need to act professional.
Then he tells me that our scrum master is okay with it, and really looks like he is!
SM said this making jokes about him brings the whole team together and makes us a better team!!
WTF...
Really WTF ... am I the bad guy for caring about my team??3 -
Screw Scrum, screw it very much. Is it a task or a story? Oh let's make it a story to track points. What are points, really? *20 minute grilling always follows* Well they're kind of a roundabout way of talking about time without talking about time, mkay? But last time 2 points took you a day, what gives now? What do you mean points are for internal use, but how will management plan ahead for next quarter? Ok, let's mix in all those new people, and propotionately bump the expectation for the sprint, mkay? Yeah, they did 34 points per sprint over there, we'll just add those in. Oh, and by the way, after the 4-day estimation session we had where everyone was seizuring, I scheduled us at 645 points for the coming quarter, mkay? Don't worry, I added 15% for the "unexpected dtuff" so you're safe. Fuck you scrum, scrum-fall, whatever you are. Lost a dev lead role once for being honest about it after a year with a team that loved me, and projects completed more or less on time. Been reconsidered for a dev lead role for being honest about it in another place. Somebody else peddle this kool-aid, this one prefers a walk-on role in the wall to a lead role in the cage.5
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Our team moved to scrum a while back. But everybody still does story point estimation by mentally assigning 1 story point for each day of work it would require. :/
On top of that, management compares the performance of two *different* scrum teams based on the story points they finish in a sprint. :// -
So i have some SQL skills. and I ended up some shitty business reports .
My boss will to implement something she read on internet (scrum).
I recommended her to manage her expectations. IMHO After implementing scrum, no shit is gonna change and obviously I was ignored and treated as a negative thinking being
Do you guys think this could work? Since we're a 4 people team and each one of us have different and non related activities10 -
The scrum master cries out for the team’s burndown chart as he move more unplanned work into the current Sprint.1
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!rant
Doing the Professional Scrum Developer Cert today. I feel terrified by the thought I might be throwing 200$ out of the window.
┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘ 彡[$̲̅(̲̅200)̲̅$̲̅] ロ
Any tips highly appreciated. -
Can someone explain Scrum to me, like everything, what it is, why it's used, why it's effective, cases where it isn't effective, what the roles are etc, I've tried to understand it online but to no avail (need a childish explanation I guess)14
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At the end of the sprint half of the stories didn't get done due to lack of coordination to put 4 people in the same room and get them to agree on the solution.
During Retro my Scrum Master says: Are these stories not done because we haven't estimated them during sprint planning? 😂 -
I figured it all out, where all the bad code comes from, I know it now!
I think good developers need two things, an ego that makes them wanting to be competent and perceived as such and (very important) a problem with authority!
All the bad code is written by people who wanted to be liked by their teachers. The PM and PO are their teachers now and they make everything possible for them. Technical debt and human costs are swept aside when the authorities want a stupid feature now - because they have to like you and you need to be a nice pet to whip! -
In a sprint planning meeting. Getting frustrated. I guess it's my fault. I guess I assumed that attending the same schedule meeting each week meant that we all knew when everything was due. My bad.
Seriously, I fucking hate systems people sometimes. We have 4 major tasks coming down the pipe, but they are scheduled in such a way in which they are staggered. But they want to punt the 1 of the 4 that is fucking done because it is going to cause a lot of testing, but the other three aren't coming til end of next month AT LEAST. So they want to stick their thumbs up their ass holes and wait to test the other three before testing the one that, again, IS FUCKING DONE!!! Are they worried that a super massive black hole will spontaneously form in earth's orbit and cause time to run backwards and somehow cause December to happen in October!?!?
No wonder systems is so fucking far behind. They can't see the forest for the trees. They're so big picture that months and years are at the same level of granularity. Fucking hell how is scrum better than our current agile process again? Besides the fact that it makes me attend more useless meetings and get more angry.
They are punishing the left hand for the actions of the right. Systems wasn't doing their job so now software has to slow down and miss schedule.2 -
How does one get experience on working in teams if every project I've built has been solo because of a lack of developers from where I am from?4
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I know your code is great and that you learned about scrum a month ago. But I didn't know the scrum training had to say you don't assign yourself tasks, mark them as done and be surprised when other team members haven't done them, two minutes to five the day before a national holiday (yesterday).
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Does Professional Scrum Master certification add any value to a devs profile? I am asking because I failed in the first attempt. 😟4
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So I was reading Scrum for my exam all I can see was Meeting.
Product backlog meeting for 15 mins;
Enters to the office 5 mins meeting;
Sprint review meeting for 10mins;
Daily scrum 2 times meetings;
Sprint planning 3 hours of meeting;
Starting the next Sprint 30mins meetings;
Managing releases 45 min meeting;
Sprint Retrospective 45 mins of meeting;
Wtf? Do they do any work there?4 -
When your SCRUM Master cancels the sprint retro because he knows all hell is about to break loose.2
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*weekly team planning session, my first week*
They: "We don't estimate on effort required, we estimate on the number of unknowns"
Me: "How do you know unknowns?"
They: "Exactly. Also, we don't account for 0 unknowns."
Me: "What if it's a simple text change?"
They: "There's always unknowns."2 -
When i heard people talking much about scrum & agile things, but he actually never implement yet even worst he didn't really know about scrum it self, just STFO... I'm tired of all those BS 😪
1 -
Kind of had my first SCRUM-meeting couple hours ago. I'm a student and have a internship at a company. It felt so dull since me and my two team-members stood there and listened to three others talking about their project that we have nothing to do with. Then we got to say what we made yesterday and so on. Hopefully this is all in educational purpose?1
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did little coding today... Spent most of my time learning Agile with Scrum. Suddenly so much of what went on in the 'Silicon Valley' tv show began to make sense. Jared [Donald] was a shrewd businessman.
resting now... Business & tech fascinate me. Perhaps there is still hope for this high-school dropout afterall! -
I like scrum. I really love working that way. And imo the daily scrum meeting is pretty useful.
But now we have two of them every day. I don't know how to feel about it :/ the one mornings is good and all but the one in the noon just kills my focus1 -
My gods, writing software for an *actual* software company now, it truly amazes me just how frustrating my life has been for years...1
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TLDR, need suggestions for a small team, ALM, or at least Requirements, Issue and test case tracking.
Okay my team needs some advice.
Soo the powers at be a year ago or so decided to move our requirement tracking process, test case and issue tracking from word, excel and Visio. To an ALM.. they choice Siemens Polarion for whatever reason assuming because of team center some divisions use it..
Ohhh and by the way we’ve been all engineering shit perfectly fine with the process we had with word, excel and Visio.. it wasn’t any extra work, because we needed to make those documents regardless, and it’s far easier to write the shit in the raw format than fuck around with the Mouse and all the config fields on some web app.
ANYWAY before anyone asks or suggests a process to match the tool, here’s some back ground info. We are a team of about 10-15. Split between mech, elec, and software with more on mech or elec side.
But regardless, for each project there is only 1 engineer of each concentration working on the project. So one mech, one elec and one software per project/product. Which doesn’t seem like a lot but it works out perfectly actually. (Although that might be a surprise for the most of you)..
ANYWAY... it’s kinda self managed, we have a manger that that directs the project and what features when, during development and pre release.
The issue is we hired a guy for requirements/ Polarion secretary (DevOps) claims to be the expert.. Polarion is taking too long too slow and too much config....
We want to switch, but don’t know what to. We don’t wanna create more work for us. We do peer reviews across the entire team. I think we are Sudo agile /scrum but not structured.
I like jira but it’s not great for true requirements... we get PDFs from oems and converting to word for any ALM sucks.. we use helix QAC for Misra compliance so part of me wants to use helix ALM... Polarion does not support us unless we pay thousands for “support package” I just don’t see the value added. Especially when our “DevOps” secretary is sub par.. plus I don’t believe in DevOps.. no value added for someone who can’t engineer only sudo direct. Hell we almost wanna use our interns for requirements tracking/ record keeping. We as the engineers know what todo and have been doing shit the old way for decades without issues...
Need suggestions for small team per project.. 1softwar 1elec 1mech... but large team over all across many projects.
Sorry for the long rant.. at the bar .. kinda drunk ranting tbh but do need opinions... -
If you have not achieved the sprint and a meeting is scheduled why you have not achieved the sprint ... in the next sprint ...
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Scrum standups and standdowns at my university be like: "oh let's discuss everything that comes to our mind and talk about it for an hour" - Professors 2016
(Only ranted this because I had to take a huge dump and had to hold it for a hour ;_;) -
Today, I found a bad bug. I fixed it and tried to understand what happened there. Story description was ok, dev was done on time, review performed (1/3 of the time needed to developed), testers were happy: story was DONE.
I feel uneasy as all protocols had been respected, and still, the code was bad and features were broken :( -
PO: "Remember guys, protect your scope!"
.. moments later, after the PO meeting..
PO: "I want you to do user story x but I want it changed this way"
me: "Ok"
*pling* notification: PO changed jira story
*I work on it for a few hours*
me: "Is this what you wanted?"
PO: "Yeah, actually I made up my mind. I want you to implement it totally different and scrap what you added now"
me: "Thanks for wasting my time bro"
me: *codes*
.. a few hours later, mid-coding..
PO: "Uh, yeah, changed my mind. The way you did it now is ok, but I want something else added"
*3 iterations of the same crap later*
me: "Sigh, make up your minds!"5 -
In the last three days our team has had 4 people who were the final decider on priority for a single project.
Im staying here until my contract has ended but then I will tell my company they can find a new project for me...1 -
I hate so much all those sprint related meetings. They literally take one day totalled (every 2 weeks).
Review, dry run demo, actual demo, planning, daily hourly meetings.... so much talking.8 -
We all know that one guy at work that explains and overshare stuff using a lot of jargons for the sake of using jargons at the daily scrum. Then it turns out, he's ranting about something so trivial, basically wasted a lot of time. And don't get started on meetings. Oh god. Please send help.1
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How to deal with micromanagment?
I just lose it when the team leader checks on issues on a hourly base, And dont get me started on the scrum master who checks the sprint status twice a day.
I can't quit this work but I'm losing mind here.
H-O-W T-H-E F-U-C-K do i deal with this idiotism??5 -
I'm a scrum sprinter using my agile-ity to dodge rock-rigid waterfalls.
My take at another lame joke.
But I still have my legs and can walk... -
Group project at uni, we're learning how to do scrum sprints. So here's a small story about all the ways it can go wrong.
We assign scrum master and product owner roles, what do those do? "We want to do design tho" they say two weeks later.
I end up doing the organization part and structuring the backlog.
"Alright, you guys will be the frontend team, your tasks are X and Y"
No response
One day before the review I ask again
"So, what's the status" (well knowing that they didn't do shit so far)
They start scrambling around, and manage to do like 30% of their tasks at best, I end up doing most of the work for them.
Next week, new sprint, our tutors somehow don't notice that literally 95% of the code has been written by me so far.
"Alright team, hopefully you will do better this time, so and so will be your subteam leader since he knows this stuff"
No response
Some guys start working on independent things without collaborating with each other, sometimes replicating stuff I already did (but obviously worse).
So that's the situation so far, I really would rather kill myself than keep working with these guys, jeeesus1 -
The first time you receive a recurring invitation from the client for a scrum.
"This just became a job!' -
Upon every mention of the term SCRUM my mind is instantly pulled off topic onto rugby... damn you homonyms..
-
Finished Sprint-Task "Update WordPress-Core + Language >> 4.7" on wednesday evening.
Have to take it back into "doing" next morning, because 4.7.1 was released... -_-1 -
Fellow devs, I want to hear your opinions on Scrum and daily stand up meetings. Do you think they're necessary?
God, I really hate that I'm required to participate in a meeting EVERY FUCKING DAY.6 -
So I've been asked if I want to take the role of scrum master along with my job as developer.. I must say that I am quite interested in taking on that role and it's responsibilities, but I'm somewhat scared by the things I read on the internet (especially when combining it as dev on that same team).
Let's hope I don't become the bad guy in this story after some time by being an a-hole of a scrum master lol4 -
When did you see your project manager making that face the last time? Me, not that long time ago... :D
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That smug moment when you've just come back off holiday and reel off all the awesome shit you got up to during the scrum stand up meeting 😏
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Should you get tasks from the backlog when everything is done in actual Sprint? Or it is a good time to keep learning while waiting for next Sprint?3
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I hate my Scrum Master. Normally he doesn't even checks pull requests, and when you need his help, 80% of the time he's missing. Now that our boss is the new Product Owner of the application, the SM is bugging us A LOT
So fuck him, go away to do whatever the fuck you did before. Stop pretending you "work" -
Honest question, if you work in an agile environment, do you prefer story points or counting of hours to gauge tasks?4
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Has anybody experience with Scrum in small web development agencies? Especially estimating stories with story points instead of hours/days?
We have a new junior project manager, without any practical experience working agile, who wants to establish scrum because what he read about it sounded so good... I already worked agile with kanban before and I loved it, but I only have little experience with scrum.
I think scrum, or agile in general, won't work with the clients we have. Most of the time, our clients have a fixed deadline, a fixed budget (either money or time) and they know their requirements, so there is no much room for beeing agile.
Regarding story points, I just adding an unneccessary layer of abstraction, because the customer wants to know how long a specific feature takes. Sure, story points are just another, more dynamic unit for time, but then why nut estimate in static time unit in the first place? Another fear I have, is that some devs may be more ignorant regarding deadlines and expectations on customers side. "yeah I'm working for 10 days on this story, but it's 8 points!" instead of informing the project manager "Currently I spend 2 days on this feature, we estimated 3 days, but it seems I need 3 days more".
Maybe I shouldn't be worried, but it would be great if you could share your experience and learnings. Thanks in advance!14 -
Task: Research how to refector our grid component to be usable with Redux
Result: The next sprint will be used to replace Angular 5 by React
what happend? Not that I am not happy with the decision but this was a quite unexpected result.3 -
Tl;dr any tips for new scrum team ? How to start with story points with people that dont know eachother?
More:
Its for our team project at uni ( 8 people 1 year). Yesterday we had our first meeting and the hardest part was asigning story points. Or asigning some benchmark value for story point.
Looking for some practicall tips since uni gives us all the theory we need. ( Does not mean I know all the theory :D )6 -
When a co worker pretends to work all day by "fixing" something that you've already fixed. Just so that they have something to talk about at stand up in the morning.
Git commit -nothing 🙄 -
We are in a course for the scrum certifiaction. Most of my partners are more concerned about they can't take the decission about using scrum or not. Is so sad because os a really small organization.
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scrum my ass! the whole company(especially the marketing) must be aware and agree with this methodology and not only the devs.5
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POs and scrum masters - looking for alpha testers for a side project I'm developing.
Http://blystr.com
🤘🤘🤘🤘2 -
Why do TPMs and non tech people ask for hard deadlines without knowing any technical details about how will it be implemented or how deep it is.
Then blaming you for giving wrong deadlines when it doesn't complete before the deadline for any reason whatsoever
🤯🤯🤯2 -
Who still use Trello as Kanban and why don’t you change to an another (better) system?
And if you use a specific system, what is it?
My team work with Trello since the beginning. But as the team grows, it become impossible to say organize with a such simple system as Trello.3 -
When a developer refers to everyone on the team as family and you're thinking the complete & total opposite.
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!rant
Use BitBucket Cards to manage your issues as a Scrum Board. It makes your life way easier!
http://www.bitbucketcards.com/
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