What is the most stupid/weird question you've ever been asked about your job?

"You work with computers, so you must be able to hack Facebook." - My brother

You know computer stuff, but can you hack somebodys email if they lost the password? - workmate at the factory

You cant. Thats impossible (talks about web security and maths) - me

But i have a friend that can do it! Another friend gave him his email, he gave him a bit of money and he got his email and password next day! - workmate

Bullshit. The only thing he could have done is to go on haveibeenpwn and used 5$ to get the password if your email credencials have been lwacked before! Thats isnt hacking! Just buisness!

Not at work but at the barbershop this weekend
My barber asked me how I look like when I cycle...

@CoffeeNcode he imagined I would look like a lion xD

Can you fix my Facebook? I don't have any friends. Why not

"Can you hack someone via cmd?" (Happened today) -cheap coworker at my internship workplace
"You have programming classes? You must be an expert in Excel then, right?" (Happened yesterday) -internship boss
"Can you hack the NSA from any device?" (Happened today) -cheap coworker
"Can the police identify me, if my face is on a Youtube video?" (Happened today)-cheap coworker
"I can see all devices I have been to when I want to connect to a target as a route.
*talks about hops in a trace route, but uses non-technical terms for it*
*uses "ping host wikihow.com" instead of "tracert wikihow.com", besides of that "host" was not supposed to be there in that command*
*he had to google how to use the ping command on Windows*
*finally uses the ping command properly*
"Here, you can see all the devices our machine has connected to to reach the target"
ME: Aha. But dude... you know that all these ip adresses are in fact the same ip. These IPs are not any different. They are all the same. Besides of that this IP is the IP of this *points to domain name on windows cli* domain.
Him: Oh... I had a friend named ... *continues telling me some "hacker stories" from his past*
Me: *ignores him and always just responds with "Aha" to him* -cheap coworker

I better turn this into a post.

- Can you Hak [insert online platform here]
- My printer just stopped working...
- YOU AND YOUR SHITTY UPDATES JUST SUCK!!
(get yourself a better fucking internet connection, unlike your modem this isn't the stone age)
- Hey, I have this billion dollar idea...
- You use that thing with the text cursor and the commands?! HACKER!!!

… Conclusion: fuck muggles.

@Codex404 😂😂😂 i cant stop laughing

@Aakshat @CoffeeNcode when I told him that Ive never seen my face while I cycle he said that made sense.

He also said that this probably would be something I would use as an answer to "what is the dumbest question you ever got?"

🕹️Roommate who's a "HC" gamer : How do upgrade my ram? I need more for the game.

👨‍💻 Me: have you tried to Google ? I'm busy

🕹️: No.. just tell me.

👨‍💻: Google it, I'm working.

🕹️: *Gets angry and leaves slamming the door*

👨‍💻: *Sigh*..

3 years later (aka this year) he came to me saying that he now understands why I told him to Google first and ask questions later.. yay his growing up.

Lots of very bad technical-sounding terms used horribly wrong, often as an explanation as to why features shouldn't be taking so long.

Makes me laugh/cringe every time.