Mom: "so... you do things with the computer, but what do those things do?" or "I have no clue what you just said, but good luck with that"

Father: "couldn't you have gotten a real job? Like machining or warehouse management, where actual work can be seen rather than sitting on your &ss all day, typing on that keyboard"
- he changed his view real quick when I showed him my paycheck. ($3/ hr more than him)

Brother: "cool"

Ex-gf: "I hate you" (more because of my starting pay)