Client: "This has been broken for weeks! Why is it still broken!?!?"

Me: "Did you tell anyone it was broken?"

Client: "Well...um...no..."

I may be good at my job, but I have not been able to (nor do I want to) develop mind-reading abilities. Now please fuck off (so that I can go fix it).

  • 7
    way outta line, you can't tell a mentally challenged person to fuck off :D
  • 24
    The best is when my team gets called and they say it's an emergency and needs to be fixed NOW!!!! but has been broken for weeks but they didn't need it then so they didn't let us know. Some teams do this so often we now get to de-escalate to a simple ticket rather than making my team sit on the phone for potential hours.

    If you have repeat offenders, talk to management and bring stats on how much productivity they cost you, etc.
  • 12
    Having a few clients that are yelling:

    X thing is broken! We've used it forever and now it's not working.

    Then you look at the X things code/usage and find:

    1. The code was written 5 years ago and never touched since.
    2. The X thing was used once, 4 and a half year ago. No other logs are available.

    And you know what? I dare you to tell the client that it was like that for 5 years already and he never used it. You'll get a lot of shitstorms.
  • 9
    "This has been broken for weeks!"

    "No, the client has been broken for weeks, maybe longer!"
  • 3
    @QueenMorgana I know exactly what you mean. We have clients (I call them clients but they are really just other groups in our business) that when something is broken it's an emergency...if we ask them for specifics or to verify it is working...it may be weeks (or never) until we hear back from them.
  • 5
    @BobbyTables thankfully, with my job, if i'm on the phone and there's no one to test, we schrodinger's cat scenario it and say if no one can test, how do we know it's broken?

    If they can't test, we don't fix it. My newest boss is an angel and got that in our SOP.
  • 5
    if it's still broken after weeks and you didn't complain, probably was a useless feature, so we dropped it.

    Do you know how many bugs I solved this way? hundreds.

    What matter most is what you DON'T do.
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