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Very random, I’d normally post this on twitter but my girlfriend is there and it’s about her. A bit long and very personal...

to;dr My girlfriend and soon to be fiancé officially who is certain we are going to marry, doesn’t want to invite people to our wedding anymore because she doesn’t have close friends like I do and I’m quite disappointed.

My girlfriend and I have been planning to get married for a while now at least 18 months. I haven’t asked her to marry me yet officially but I know she’ll say yes because we’ve discussed it. We’ve spoken about a small wedding with a few friends not much family but the more we spoke about it the more she’s reduced how many people we should invite. Today she basically said she doesn’t want to invite anyone because she doesn’t have any friends she’s that close to or trusts like that.
By comparison I have about 5 best friends I can count on any day of the week and at least 5 other friends I’d want to be there. We’re both introverts but I’m close to some of these guys because we have similar mental illnesses and trauma from our youth and we gravitated to each other like magic. She kinda gets jealous of that sometimes or sad that she isn’t close to anyone like that besides me. But not like a toxic jealousy or anything. I’m pretty disappointed that at this point it really may just be us at our wedding.
I’m a romantic and the day will be great regardless, after all it’s her I’m marrying not them. On the flip side I’ve always seen my wedding day as something I’d get to share with my close friends I wanted to get married in the past in fact this would be the second time I’d propose to someone. She’s the one that made me feel like I’d marry again after the first engagement went terribly.
I’m disappointed and if I bring it up too much it’s just gonna make her feel awkward and cave for me but I don’t want that. Gonna marry her regardless though.

Comments
  • 9
    Girls are emotional creatures and can be quite silly at times. I’m sure she has a friend or two that she’s close to. Time knowing people doesn’t mean depth. Seuss her out and if possible organise her friends yourself quietly. :)
  • 3
    @badcopnodonuts everyone I think she’s close to she’s removed from her list of possibilities today down to a single maybe. I dunno how secret invites would go but I’ll watch and see as we gets closer to the time. It’s crazy. Like she says I better make sure her I pop the question officially when her nails are done. So she clearly wants to share pictures post proposal; but why if you don’t have anyone you’re “that close to”. It almost seems irrational to me. I’m logical and she’s emotional I guess.
  • 4
    @notorios without knowing anything other than what I've just read, and never been in the situation myself. I can kinda empathize with how she's feeling. Pretty sure that's how I'd be too in that situation.
    And I'm going to tell you something you probably don't want to hear. There's no fucking way to explain it... It's just a sucky feeling some people (like me) have.

    @badcopnodonuts not everyone is lucky enough to even have one 'really' close friend 🙃
  • 1
    @KasperNS sigh I guess and I love her so whatever she wants in this case I’ll comply. It’s about us anyway. I also feel like she’ll have a small amount of regret if she/we invite no one also. I can only hope as time draws closer she’ll feel better about even a few of her friends she originally wanted to invite.
  • 4
    After the proposal she might change her mind. The closer the big day is, the more people realize how much of a once-in-a-lifetime celebration it is.

    If the proposal does not turn her around, I think you should talk to her about it then. I'm fairly sure she'll regret for the rest of her life if she does not change her mind.

    Girls usually care about the wedding much more than we do :) it's a much bigger thing for them. Not wanting to share it with anyone - ... Feels off.

    Unless maybe she's trying to send you signals she wants a wedding w/o any non-family [i.E. W/o your fiends too]? Idk. You should discuss this between you two :)
  • 0
    @notorios tbf I'm running on 0 hours of sleep, so take what I say with a grain of salt 😅 I won't say you should just give up, because you're most likely right. You just need to be strategic in how you bring it up. I.e. Don't say 'so.... Are you absolutely sure you don't want to invite some people?'
  • 1
    @netikras I do feel like she’ll regret it. I doubt it’s about my friends either because likes them. She doesn’t want to invite her family either. Her relationship with her parents isn’t good and she isn’t close with anyone in her family. So it would really just be us, I mean we need witnesses. I tried discussing it and she got uncomfortable I have to try again and I hope she’ll feel a little different after the actual proposal.
  • 1
    @notorios yeah you should be persistent if you feel strongly about it, which I sense that you do. But like I said, be strategic about it. Just don't bring it up directly. Try to drop it into conversation where it may come naturally.

    I'm saying it like it's easy, but I know that it's not
  • 3
    @notorios fingers crossed! :)

    oh, and I would not go behind her back and invite whoever I'd think are her friends. If it's just 1 or 2 more people secretly invited to a pool of guests - that might fly. Surprizing her like that when/if she does not desire to see anyone at all could be very easily seen as treason. Hell, even I would have been mad if my wife had secretly invited someone from my folks I hadn't...
  • 0
    @KasperNS ye, thanks for the advice/opinions @all
  • 1
    If she is friends with your friends then she'll have some friends at the wedding. Invite them together and that's it 😉
  • 0
    @netikras yes the treason is the issue especially on such a day
  • 0
    @IAmNotARobot they consider her a friend, look out for her but she calls them my friends. Which is understandable. She said I can invite them but I declined but I knew in her tone it would be uncomfortable for her. Like I have support and she doesn’t.
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