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Last day on the contract from hell. I'd written a project with one other person in our spare time that performed a critical business function. The following conversation was had between myself, the job thief who was handed my job and their manager, with the 10 other IBM GS "dev domain experts" assigned to that team sitting silently on zoom:

Moi: hey all, what seems to be the problem?
JT: how to update the java for requirement?
Moi: I would assume a text editor, have you tried intellij
JTM: she's talking about ticket BS-101, the data is wrong
Moi: ah, well, you might want to fix that
JT: how to fix?
Moi: update the database and update the logic that depends on it
JTM: what changes are those?
Moi: the ones described in the ticket, I would assume, I'm no longer on that project
JTM: didn't you write this application?
Moi: yes.
JTM: ok, so do you know how to fix the issue?
Moi: definitely
JTM: ok... ... Can you tell us how to fix it?
Moi: yes.
*The sound of silence*
JTM: *will* you tell us?
Moi: I would, but I'm already off the clock, and as of an hour ago I no longer have a contract. And even if I did, I don't have a contract or authorization to work on that system. I'm not actually being paid for this call.
JTM: ... What are we going to do about this?
Moi: I have no idea
JTM: ok, so we can look at getting a 1 month contract to support this
Moi: I'm sure our firm has someone who can definitely help you out
JTM: *heavy raging* ... Can you do the work?
Moi: Unfortunatley, I'm already committed to a new contract at another customer. I also don't do one month contracts. I'm an engineer, not a car wash employee
JTM: well, I don't understand how you can just leave us in the lurch like this?!
Moi: well, respectfully, it was your decision to cut me from the budget because you thought you were close enough to end of the project to get it across the line with junior resources.
Interjecting-JT: I am senior!
Moi: Right. So, basically, you took ownership of the product before go live. We advised against it, in writing, numerous times. We also notified you that we would not carry a bench, so the project resources are now working on other things. We can provide you with new resources for a minimum 6 month duration who can help you out. Also, since we've cycled out, our rate has increased per the terms of our MSA.
JTM: we don't have budget for that! How are we supposed to do this?!
Moi: *zoom glare at JT* that question is more appropriate for your finance officer and the IT director. I can send a few emails and schedule a call with your account representative and the aforementioned individuals so you can hash this out.

-_---------------
I'm free! 🥳 That said, still plenty of residual fodder I need to get out of my system on these guys. Might need to start my own Dilbert.

Comments
  • 24
    So much big dick energy in this post. I Stan a QUEEN 👑 #giddeeemmmm
  • 19
    LOL that's a blend of "hasta la vista" and "made my day". ^^
  • 8
    fuck those bastards, go pop a bottle.

    you're to good to waste your time like that
  • 8
    Omg too funny. You def have to start your own dilbert on these guys. Given the company brand i can't believe the ineptitude that is currently in place at all levels there.
  • 8
    @hash-table
    This isn't my former employers 😊 they're a client of my startup.
  • 8
    @SortOfTested here's your sock.

    Now be free and stuff the sock in the next idiots throat.
  • 8
    Beautiful.
  • 4
    Hahaha. Fuckers. Their balls got smashed so hard, just add some oil, and it's breakfast. I'm also happy that IBM was involved, proves how useless their "prestige" is. My previous project also dragged a bunch of expensive IBM senior dev domain experts, they never fixed the issue.

    If only I could re-create all their bloaty solutions they charge millions of dollars for and open source it. Ah, motivation to get rich and throw away money just to jack off at the idea.
  • 2
    God damn that's awesome.
  • 4
    That is absolutely amazing
  • 1
    @SortOfTested
    This is pure gold!
  • 1
    What the hell is a dev domain expert?
  • 6
  • 0
    How can I save/bookmark this work of art lol
  • 0
    *apply water to burned area*
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