This is how I feel most of my client proposal start:

* It's simple, I'd like to re-invent <the wheel>.

* All I want to do is use <rocketship engine> on <old typewriter>.

* I'm too cheap to hire a full-time < DBA, DevOps engineer, development team>. Can I pay you pennies?

* I'm poor and broke, can you do this for free?

* I'd like to <commit illegal act> and be <legal compliant standard>.

* I heard it was possible to <fly 30 people to the moon> using <Ford Model-T>. Please do this for us.

* I <sold my house>, but now <I'm locked out by the new owners>. Please help.

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    * I think you can build <Rome> in <A Day>
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    The deadline is <some prehistoric era>.
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    @Ziron why is it late? I paid you *checks bank, 0.00*
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    "I heard it was possible to <fly 30 people to the moon> using <Ford Model-T>" was found to be particularly amusing.
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    I can relate
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    Why is <some feature> not here yet I told you to build it. Oh you have to click THAT button to use the feature. Now I want another way to use it
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    * The project started <I wasn't even born back then> and we're now <Integer.MAX_VALUE> over budget
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    I'll do it for food and shelter.
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    Client: Just need some small <'alteration'> to the project..

    Me: This is not an alteration, it's a <completely different and new thing>

    Client: can you finish on the next few days?
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    Also the same guy...

    Client: can we do this <illegal thing>?

    Me: thats illegal

    Client: yes.. but we can named it <legal thing>
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    @priandpasta Yup! Let's store personal health data insecurely and call it a social media platform.
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