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The conversations that come across my DevOps desk on a monthly basis.... These have come into my care via Slack, Email, Jira Tickets, PagerDuty alerts, text messages, GitHub PR Reviews, and phone calls. I spend most of my day just trying to log the work I'm being asked to do.
From Random People:
* Employee <A> and Contractor <B> are starting today. Please provision all 19 of their required accounts.
* Oh, they actually started yesterday, please hurry on this request.
* The database is failing. Why?
* The read-only replica isn't accepting writes. Can you fix this?
* We have this new project we're starting and we need you to set up continuous integration, deployment, write our unit tests, define an integration test strategy, tell us how to mock every call to everything. We'll need several thousand dollars in AWS resources that we've barely defined. Can you define what AWS resources we need?
* We didn't like your definition of AWS resources, so we came up with our own. We're also going to need you to rearchitect the networking to support our single typescript API.
* The VPN is down and nobody can do any work because you locked us all out of connecting directly over SSH from home. Please unblock my home IP.
* Oh, looks like my VPN password expired. How do I reset my VPN password?
* My GitHub account doesn't have access to this repo. Please make my PR for me.
* Can you tell me how to run this app's test suite?
* CI system failed a build. Why?
* App doesn't send logs to the logging platform. Please tell me why.
* How do I add logging statements to my app?
* Why would I need a logging library, can't you just understand why my app doesn't need to waste my time with logs?
From Various 3rd party vendors:
* <X> application changed their license terms. How much do you really want to pay us now?
* <X> left the company, and he was working on these tasks that seem closely related to your work. Here are the 3 GitHub Repos you now own.
* Why is our AWS bill so high? I need you to lower our bill by tomorrow. Preferably by 10k-20k monthly. Thanks.
* Please send this month's plan for DevOps work.
* Please don't do anything on your plan.
* Here's your actual new plan for the month.
* Please also do these 10 interruptions-which-became-epic-projects
* Dear AWS Admin, 17 instances need to be rebooted. Please do so by tomorrow.
* Dear AWS Admin, 3 user accounts saw suspicious activity. Please confirm these were actually you.
* Dear AWS Admin, you need to relaunch every one of your instances into a new VPC within the next year.
* Dear AWS Admin, Your app was suspiciously accessing XYZ, which is a violation of our terms of service. You have 24 hours to address this before we delete your AWS account.
Finally, From Management:
* Please provide management with updates, nobody knows what you do.
Please pay me more. Please give me a team to assist so I'm not a team of one. Also, my wife is asking me to look for a new job, and she's not wrong. Just saying.5
Rebooted the two oldest EC2 instances in our network today. It went as badly as expected. They were supposed to be identical
* One server rebooted perfectly
* Second server rebooted with data loss, permission issues, configuration failures.5
One thing I love about AWS.Chime meetings, is that they call you when the meeting starts. You can answer from your laptop, phone, or tablet. No fumbling for my calendar.
In case you need this link again, we’ll send out the PowerPoint, which has the QR code you can scan. WTF. Can’t you just put the damn link in the PowerPoint ?7
10:15-10:45: Team Meeting
11:30-Noon: New project meeting
Noon-1pm: Foster care meeting with case worker (monthly check-in)
1pm-1:30: Train co-worker on how to restore databases
2pm-3pm : Onboard new DBA
3:15-4:15: Conference with AWS partner
Yup. I think I’ll complete a perfect zero LOC tomorrow. Oh, I’m also on-call.2
This is a post about some gratitude. Many of my friends were not so lucky during COVID and their companies suffered. I am very grateful to be working for a company where my git branch name of a recent commit was 'feature/support-our-two-new-factories'. My company is thriving and growing :)1
Working from home is still not without its challenges. I’ve been doing it for 6 years. Today I solved the dilemma of how my wife can book her own events where I’m needed to watch the kids during the day. A simple hashtag in the calendar description and an IFTTT recipe now adds a “Busy” block to my work calendar.1
Currently quadruple booked for meetings at this time slot. I'm picking the one where the most smack down needs to be laid down.3
Thursday: Hey wife…. I finished my project and tomorrow I should have a very easy day, just watching Slack.
Friday: Database— corrupted bin logs, major production outages.
Wife: 😡I can never believe you when you say you’ll have an easy day.3
It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.
Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.1
This change *shouldn’t* break anything. Please keep your eyes open for strangeness.
Every. Release. Ever.
Fun fact : Typing on a keyboard that's not plugged into your laptop will not work. Honestly, I should have taken today off. My toddler woke up at 1am screaming bloody murder and didn't get back to bed until 2:30. There's a construction crew hammering up my 14 year old floors to replace it with new ones. My dog is anxious as fuck with all the noise, and truthfully, I'm just staring into my screen hoping the code will write itself. This code will become production deployment logic, so it damn well better be excellent and bug-free. Not a good day to pick up this task.4
Database queries are slow.... quick add more indexes.
Tomorrow: Hey, why are database writes slow?
Rise. Lather. Repeat next week. 😡 Indexes can’t fix this spaghetti SQL!1
Can you be here Monday?
- It was Thursday
- I lived 650 miles away, and had to move
- I did it anyway5
I broke prod for 10 seconds, and nobody noticed. Also, why the fuck did the alarms not go off? 🤷♂️ 🚨 🙈5
How most recruiter emails go these days:
- Hiring multiple senior lead engineers <— That’s me
- 180k+ <— I like it.
- Must have experience with AWS, GCE, AND Azure <— Okay, you’re looking for a unicorn
- Kubernetes expert
- Experience with Rust, Node, and .NET <— What type of fucking company are you?
- Must be on call and 25% travel <— Why?
- Preferred: experience with printer repair, Raid Arrays, CAT5, and Microsoft Access <— Y’all fucked up somewhere a long time ago. I’m out.18
Who holds the #1 Google spot for these queries?
fuck c#: devRant
fuck typescript: devRant
fuck xcode: devRant
fuck product owner: devRant
fuck docker: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck java: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck agile: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck scrum: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck sql: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck node: reddit (devRant is 3)
fuck php: github (devRant is 4)
fuck python: github (devRant is 4)
fuck clojure: reddit (devRan't didn't rank on first page)
fuck rust: reddit (devRant didn't rank on first page)
fuck scala: reddit (devRant didn't rank on first page)
fuck ruby: **am I still connected to the company VPN? I might have some explaining to do** (devRant didn't rank)13
This is how security bugs get introduced into open source. This comment came into a project I'm watching today, and I don't have the time to follow up on how bad of an idea that is:
"If you are still interested, I got it working by removing verify=True"1