Client: "I need HIPAA compliance, with all data stored in Canada"

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with : "The Microsoft Edge team is pausing updates to the Stable channel for Microsoft Edge. This means that Microsoft Edge 81 will not be promoted to Stable until we resume these updates."

"Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"

There are days I miss being able to power cycle the load balancer, rather than tearing it down and re-creating it.

Perhaps today will be when Yarn and npm fork?

I got a new debit card from my bank, jumped online, to activate my new card.

I see a picture of my card, with the last 4 digits of my account number show. A big "activate" button right next to it. Sure thing. Click the button, and guess what piece of information I need to verify I am the true owner of the card. Fucking last four digits.

Fucking hell - you just showed me the digits a page ago.

The two (unrelated) stories back-to-back on Slashdot this evening.

Whelp, there goes my monthly data allowance. Accidentally ran `npm install` while sitting at the car dealership on my hotspot.

If your shit only works in Safari, but breaks in Chrome you've done something very very wrong.

This is why "machine learning" is still flawed:

"Stations you might like:"
- Lullabies & Bedtime Music
- Instrumental Lullabies
- Rockabye Baby
- Toddler Time
- Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star
- The Wiggles

Perhaps I should get my kids their own account. Perhaps the algorithm should now that if I'm looking for music after 9:30 on my phone, and not the Alexa, my kids are already asleep.

Dear Python,

I could do this faster in Ruby.

The End.

When the 14th largest school district in the country sends a text message to all parents with link about their new COVID-19 policies, you'd think they'd scale up their web server count before pressing send. I guess I'll just read it tonight.

I get asked a lot of random questions. Today's climbs to the top ten:

"Does anybody own a hamster? Marketing is asking for one"

Macbook - How do you get "True Tone" soooo wrong. If I wanted to automatically switch from light mode to dark mode every 20 seconds I'd ... I'd ... I'm not sure what I'd do, but seriously, that fucking shit has to stop.

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start!

You might need to take a break when you get a "max recursion depth exceeded" error when you weren't even trying to build a recursive function.

Anybody else seeing unexplained performance issues with AWS RDS today?

Spent two hours trying to figure out why I couldn't get SSH agent forwarding working in Docker. Turns out I was never granted access to that other obscure GitHub organization we use. 🤦‍♂️

Potential Client Project:
"HIPAA compliant WordPress website"

Me: Can you tell me more about the website you're trying to publish?

Client: Site for uploading patient medical test results

Me: 🤦‍♂️ Fuuuuuuck. Sorry, you're on your own.

WORDPRESS?!?!

#!/bin/bash
set -e ... Why the fuck were you never the default to begin with!?

Shut up Terraform v12, you know what I mean:

"${var.OldHabitsDieHard}"

Thanks major restaurant chain. I don't want to wait the 30 seconds for your cheezy animation to finish before I get my gift card's number. I'm hungry. Know your users.

I sometimes forget to close the tab to my bank's website. I flip back to it, hours, or even days later. As soon as the tab becomes active the "You'll be logged out in 60 second" timer starts ticking. Literally, days after I logged in, I can click "Stay logged in" and it works!

Their session timeout logic is all fucking Javascript based!? Don't they log out the session server-side at some point? How the fuck is my session still valid 2 days after initial login?

Me (to peer): I counted all of the items in the list, and if the list count is zero, we branch to this logic.

Peer: I don't like that, and reject your PR. You should get the list of items, and check to see if the list is empty.

- How is that fucking different than what I did?

- This is not a performance issue, we're talking less than 20 milliseconds on a command run three times a day by developers, not customers.

Recruiter:

... the bank purchased a 3rd party tool and hired a 3rd party development team to add some features to the tool. That external team hired their own 3rd party team, and now there are 400+ bugs in the system. Would you like to work as a test-automation lead on this project?

Me: Fuuuucck no.

Want to see details about how much money you spent at AWS? That'll cost you some money.

Your web server config is fucked, and your app is down.

~ "Faithfully yours, nginx."

Goodjob Self, you fucked up your Git local repo.
```
[ git checkout master || git stash ]

fatal: git-write-tree: error building trees
Cannot save the current index state
```

Twilio’s API opened my eyes of interacting with the rest of the world. Telephony got easy and nobody else comes close to how fast they are to integrate calls, lookups, texts, and even fax.

What's your work secret to staying healthy (emotionally, mentally, physically)? I climb flights of stairs while my Jenkins job is building.

I just setup an apt-cache on my Macbook. Docker no longer takes 10 years to `apt-get install` when I'm at the coffee shop. This coffee shop is going to loose so much money now that my work is done faster.