21
heyheni
20d

Anybody here with Autism Spectrum (Asperger)?
How did you find out? How does it affect your life and how do you deal with it? Is it a gift or a curse for you?

I've just got diagnosed at 32yo with mild asperger and feel a bit lost now 😐

Comments
  • 11
    No idea. My wife thinks I am on the spectrum.

    Its information. Know thyself.
  • 8
    I have no idea. I don't want to know, either. Maybe I've it already. It doesn't matter. Emotional disorders are as common as physical illnesses

    I just try to control myself and stay within the limits without hurting me or the people around me
  • 1
    I can relate to some of the things on here:

    https://healthline.com/health/...

    Some of this stuff just looks "like normal". Other things are foreign to me. The sensory thing is cyclic. Some days I cannot stand the ticking of clocks, other days I don't care. I have obsessive compulsive behaviors that I know I don't need to do, but I do them anyway.
  • 4
    it was an a psychological test, an requirement to get special unemployment benefits.
  • 6
    @Demolishun Hypothetically, if you're in a work group of let's say 7 people, do you get annoyed when things don't go the way you want it? And in the end you want to do the work on your own?
  • 3
  • 1
    to learn more i can recommend the books of the author Daniela Schreiter alias Fuchskind. Her "Schattenspringer" books can really help to understand it, book three are from the perspective of others with autism, but i recommend to read all three books in their order. book 1 is also translated into english under the title "the world beyond my shadow".
  • 1
    @stop hey danke, i'll have a look at it 👍
  • 8
    I think I'm somewhat into the Asperger spectrum. Never taken a test because I don't care, but the few people who know me very well do agree.

    However, I can not only emulate social behaviour to the point that people won't take notice if that's what I want - since it's only an emulation, I can even switch it e.g. upon cross-cultural contact. Or go full Macchiavelli if need be.

    If in a new group, I'm quiet initially because I have to figure out the group's code so that I can emulate it.

    The upside of not being at home anywhere is that you're at home everywhere.
  • 4
    No autism but got a diagnosis. My advise is not to care too much about it. It's all theory, nothing is proven in the brain. You just check a few boxes on the autism list. If it's a disorder, well, it's for you to deside. Don't let them get in your head. When it comes to medicine, try to stop after four days or so just to check effect before continuing on it. Don't let them destroy the nice parts of you
  • 5
    and dont try to emulate social behavior too much, that only leads to depression.
  • 8
    @heyheni Sometimes. I have this overarching need to "win" as validation of my beliefs and positions. I do that sometimes on devrant and need to reread things to understand that I am not being attacked or slighted. I never understood if this was ego, insecurity, or something else. I often see others peoples' way of looking at things as "stupid". I am slowly learning to see the sides of other people as I go. I also do not always pick up on nuanced body language in person.
  • 6
    @heyheni I also obsess about details to the extreme. On saturday I was experiencing weird lag in a minecraft server game when certain conditions occurred. Instead of just letting it go when I understood when it occurred I became obsessed with fixing this "issue". There is likely no fix. Yet I wasted like 8 or 9 hours on this shit. This trait makes me damn good at tracking down problems in code, but in other areas it can be destructive.
  • 7
    @stop Only if you're looking for "the one right behaviour set". That quest will lead to pain because there is no such thing.

    "Be water, my friend." (Bruce Lee)
  • 6
    @Demolishun I'm also pretty bad at reading body language, but damn good at voice, which is much harder to fake and completely off the radar unless it's an actor. For people I know, their simple "hello" already tells me a whole lot about their mood and confidence level. Works even over the phone and despite Covid masks.
  • 1
    @Demolishun meh, someone else wasted that time on Netflix while you were doing that. That's totally normal for some reason. The urge to solve something isn't 🙄
  • 5
    @rooter I am more worried about the obsession side where I failed to live my life and it dominated my thoughts. I later felt controlled by the situation rather than me controlling my actions. What I am glad about is I recognized this, and stop myself next time. Woot! Hopefully.
  • 4
    Definitely not anywhere on the spectrum.
    I have to find other explanations for various acts of social ineptitude and self-sabotage, unfortunately.
  • 4
    @Demolishun oh yes, i totally believe it's not always easy. If you have a diagnosis you will probably face a few issues in life. But it's always for yourself to decide how big the issue is. Never let someone else do it

    Didn't your behavior give you a great job?
  • 2
    @rooter My grandiosity would allow for nothing less. lol
  • 2
    @rooter I don't care about my diagnosis that much at the moment as it hasn't that much of an direct impact now.

    However it made me think about all that drama and pain growing up with a father, who now i think is also possible on the autism spectrum (idk). So much drama because that man was overwhelmed trying to fit in and not getting his way. Using his family as valve to offload his frustration.

    That's why i would recommend @Demolishun to get checked. Not because of you but for the people around you. It will save them and you potential troubble. 🤷🏼‍♂️
  • 5
    Read the description but I might be missing something. Probably the opposite. I read people's body language and feelings well often noticing hints that others don't in the beginning, if it's real or fake (growing up with narcissists makes that easy somehow), then I decide whether I take it into account or not. I don't have specialized interests as well.

    Reading the definition reminds me of a lot of people I know though and they are my favorite kind of people.
  • 4
    @rutee07 there are many forms of this. I'm pretty normal i think. I'm also good at reading emotions and body language. I'm just not good with people skills.

    Dealing with people i want to be connected with feels like a foreign language you've half assed learned and you'd be tasked to negotiate a million $ business deal. Constant sweating of fear for doing something wrong. "say something! now!" [mind blanks out] ehm....

    Me too had some good encounters with those nerds lol except the Terrorist one who used his autism as an excuse to willfully annoy everyone. Like at the table blingling his fork at the mug with a big smile on his face until everyone said he should stop. 2 minutes later he started again. 😆😡
  • 4
    I've been diagnosed as a kid with Asperger's. Short of the label and people thinking it's a disability or "a sperg" or whatever.. no big deal really.

    Social interactions and looking people in the eyes are kinda difficult, and sometimes noticeable. I haven't yet found a lot of people who noticed before I told them though. I guess it depends on the severity, perhaps that's the whole "spectrum" people keep talking about.

    In mild cases I don't think it's very impactful. Increased logic ability in exchange for social ability at the neural level... Sure, I'll take it and make the most out of it in the tech industry where that's an advantage. Not disabled at all, just.. different.
  • 6
    There is some truth to the whole spectrum thing though, and it's not all advantages either. During my childhood the support I needed was so severe that I spent over a decade in psychiatric institutions, coupled with my parents being.. not great. I was essentially an orphan. During that period I've lived with easily thousands of people with autism, in some cases so severe that they couldn't speak and only make essentially animal noises. Those are the people that require constant help in everything they do, and are the most unlucky ones in the whole "autism lottery" if you will.. it's genetic of course but you get the idea. We on the other hand are the most lucky we can be - normal to even above normal intelligence, with only minor drawbacks from the autism itself. We certainly could've had it a lot worse.
  • 3
    very well said, thank you @Condor
  • 5
    Don't.. if you managed to get to lvl32 without bothering you/realising you have it, don't overthink it now.
    It didn't happen overnight, you didn't change becasue of the diagnosis..
    If you read up on this, pick out what can be benefitial to you, don't go into 'oh shit I'm defunct' mode all of a sudden..

    A friend of mine who has kids with diagnosis mentioned that I do feel to her like I'm on the spectrum too..
    It didn't bother me, why should it?

    Everyone has some unique quirks, be it from genetic material or fucked up childhood.. if they don't bother you in day to day life, don't let it get to you..
  • 0
    @wiki autism spectrum
  • 2
    @theabbie The autism spectrum encompasses a range of neurodevelopmental conditions, including autism and Asperger syndrome, generally known as autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Individuals on the autistic spectrum experience difficulties with social communication and interaction and also exhibit restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities. Symptoms are typically recognized between one and two years of age. However, a lot of children are not finally diagnosed until they are older. Final diagnosis could still be given as an adolescent or even as an adult. The term "spectrum" refers to the variation in the type and severity of symptoms. Those in the mild range may function independently, while those with moderate to severe symptoms may require more substantial support in their daily lives. Long-term problems may include difficulties in performing daily tasks, creating and keeping relationships, and maintaining a job.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
  • 4
    @Condor Takes one to know one..
    Most of population has shitty observation skills & won't notice anything. Those who are observant and know what to look for might pick up on it.. I have ocd and I can easily pin out others with ocd, even if in mild condition. I am guessing same can be with aspergers (or any condition with behavioral patterns). If you know what are the behavioral traits, you can easily spot the people having it..
    A crude comparison, it's like when you buy a new car..you decide what you'd like to have, buy it & when you have it, you'll start to notice same cars everywhere..quantity might be the same as before, you're just paying more attention.
  • 2
    I'm reminded of my last therapist, they was very good.

    Basically, nothing wrong with me, its all the idiots surrounding me that are causing the issues.

    As such, if you can, distance yourself from those idiots in your life as much as possible. (Difficult if you work for or with idiots..)

    Think of becoming self employed, then you only have to deal with stupid government regulations. :-)

    This might also mean not living with someone you are in a relationship with, since it can be much more difficult to find someone compatible to live with, than to just do everything else with. :-)
  • 1
    I think I have ASD, just knowing by my limping walk, empathy during conversations that flies in extremum and obsession by seemingly same activities 🤔 But that's just how different I am 😉
  • 2
    Yup, I first suspected it based on my circles and how it was close to Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum.
    I then did the full test (psychological assessment, ADOS, ADI), and I was then diagnosed with Asperger's (~20 years after my ACC diagnosis).

    It has affected me badly for the most part, but there is something positive twists to it.
    So it's both a curse and a gift (especially considering the agenesis).
  • 7
    Got diagnosed when I was 7. Treated completely wrong the entire time all the way up to 18 (antidepressants, amphetamines, neuroleptics), still dealing with some of the side effects by now (27).
    Be glad you're diagnosed late and can make your own medical decisions.
    Also, I've made the mistake of using it as an excuse for many things I didn't want to do. Don't do that. The world doesn't care about excuses, you're still human and can learn everything, even if it takes you a little bit longer.
    Never forget that you primarily are a human being, with all rights and obligations. Aspergers is just a CHA debuff, even if quite severe at that. It's not the end of the world, knowing you have it won't change your life (although you may have added some peace of mind now), and you'll find that especially in the tech world, there's lots of us.
  • 1
    I'm reminded of a relative of mine just starting school, where the teachers are worried that the kid has something wrong with them, because they won't play with other children.

    They don't like the other children..

    Put them in a school with children they do like !

    I had the same issue.
  • 1
    @Nanos As a kid I preferred interactions with adults. They were more on my level than kids.
  • 1
    @Demolishun

    Same !

    Though, oddly I find these days, it can be the younger folk I get on better with.

    But that is perhaps before they become too political and we disagree on too much..
  • 2
    In and out of mental hospitals when I was young, on meds for ADD/ADHD/retardation/etc (the brain-killer types) and then I went to the Thompson Center in Columbia, Missouri at like 14. Waiting list was like a year but goddamn was it a massive help. Accurate diagnosis in like 4 hrs. Off all the meds, therapy and social classes administered. Too late to learn social skills properly but emulation works too.
  • 2
    Mach dir keinen Kopf daruber..😊... I think it doesn't matter that much what you have, but Its important how you will cope the problems which are ahead. For example I also had a lot of probems which are specific for this diagnosis, but I try always to overcome it and change my attitude to it. And if I don't feel it, sometimes I let it be and give myself a time.. Or if I experience a fear, I try to motivate myself and than I do the task at work or anything.. 😊... To me personally helped a sport a lot...
  • 3
    @gardendwarf sports is good for everyone. People should sport and eat healthy before they look for professional help. We're like cars, we have our preference in gasoline and no movement kills us
  • 1
    @heyheni how're you doing now?
  • 3
    @rooter emotions are settled by now. So fine thanks 🙂

    Thank you everyone here for those very informative submissions.
  • 1
    No need to feel lost. You are the same person before and after the diagnosis. The difference is you can learn some things about the condition and use that insights to level-up things you find challenging. So a win for you. You don’t even have to tell anyone unless you think it will have a benefit.
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