when i was fired as an external contractor with half an hour notice, because i didn't process enough tickets. I didn't process many tickets because:
1. In the morning everyone grabs tickets just to stop the timer.
2. I worked on some complicated tasks that involved multiple third and fourth parties(not to forget an fucking dropping firewall)

Maybe our old buildsystem that runs using mock and an python 2 script on a RHEL 6 machine OR
The incredible complex system of a gouvernment customer that had a networkplan on DIN A2(or A1 i don't know it anymore) since A3 was too small. i was responsible because everyone else left (because of different reasons) or was too busy.

Probably the one where we had an error, because the service from a thirdparty we needed to install used a fourthparty service that was behind a proxy. Due of internal reasons we needed to use our own tomcat instead of the standard tomcat. We made a meeting because we didn't found out at that point that the problem was the firewall that dropped the packages from the application. We replayed it to them (at that point it was in my musclememory) and after a month i got the idea to use tcpdump to see if the server is calling another webservice, which was denied by the developers.

The best ones are in my opinion the ones that are easy to use and don't need a manual to exit(i look at ypu emacs). This is a list of tools that i use only if nothing else is available:
- nodejs directly
- emacs
- vi/vim
- rpm

Accidently deleting prod data.

Wanted to work from home as usual. Logged in in citrix with my credentials and totp, started rdp to connect with the bank.
i try it for the first time: failed to connect
I try it for the second time: error 0x112d (some thing about two programs that have an the same port open)
I ask my colleagues to look after the pc in the office and what was it:

FUCKING WINDOWS UPDATE FILLED THE RAM COMPLETLY.
Luckily no data was lost, since i had everything important commited and pushed.

Probably one of these:
- electrician (middle or low voltage)
- unfit for employment in germany, which is the worst.

Fuck teamcity. You locked my domainaccount 2 times already this week. Even when i used a accesskey it queried the AD.

I started with html and php with xampp, with the selfhtml in a packaged version.
After this came a language called Lite-C (basically a gaming engine with some stuff abstracted).
After that came again a phase with php/html with some of these small free hosters.
After that my IT specialist training started and i switched to python and now im into golang.

It was my first interview at an local transport company. I should be the programmer of an app and manage the computers.
Me: in what language is the app?
Interviewer: we dont know.

dear perl devs,

WTF is wrong with you.
some of your version numbers look like someone uses floats for money without knowing the dangers of it.
Some Examples:
2.000006
2.003004

SAP.

enough said.

DEAR ******* JAVA DEVELOPERS,

java has the http.proxyHost and http.proxyPort. USE IT.

Books ( stieg larsson, randall munroe, ...), and very old first aid kit,, 2 handmade ludo games, several keyboards, two ood screens, two notebooks, several harddrives and more stuff that should go to recycling.

most cutting edge?
that would be that invoice processing system that is in production despite its pre-pre-pre-alpha status.

All the procrastinating in my schooltime.
All times i was in rage and hurt people.
They haunt me till today among other things.

Editor: nano: small, light and easy usable.

Im a idiot in a world full of idiots

None.

Why the fuck do i need to propose try-catch to an contractor, so he can fix his application, because its crashing if the input is non-conform to the specs?
Oh and before you ask. The application is a application that processes and sanitizes invoices.

Goroutines and channels. I never wrote objectoriented code so easily

Am I spoiled when I see how Django makes the separation of components and the database independent way to store migrations easy?

Netcup. Great hosting, the machines are usually fast set up and cheap. The boss writes in the forum to help the customers.

Mom: my photos are gone. Can you find them?
Me: *searches the phone an finds nothing.*
Me: i cant find them.
Me: *Tries to copy 5GB of random Data*
Phone: Copy Error
------------------
Its a noname china phone my Father bought. I warned him about it, because they stole the Samsung design and it said that it was Version 8.1, but didnt had the features 8.1 has
------------------
Me: The Phone deleted it.
Mom: why would a Phone delete my Photos?
Me: because the manufacturer wanted to maximize the money he can get and made an device with higher specs on the paper than it has and manipulated the internal tools to hide this.
------------------
My father asked me why she is so furious. I said to him: because you got screwed so easily.

short: The admin with enough xp is ill, there is no one with xp with varnish is and after 1 restart varnish outputs only 503.
long: there original admin is ill but he gave me an project to migrate an typo3 installation to a new server. Thats ok.
Plan: I move 150 GB of data with rsync to the new server, let specialists do something and switch ips between the new and old and clear varnish with a restart.
Reality: +2 hours to migrate the data, because of false infos from the admin, 7 hours preparing the switch, 5 minutes switch, 3 hours to find out the F*****G varnish is the single point of failure. I and the t3 guys agree to see the next day what went wrong.

ALL HAPPENED TODAY!

Plan for tomorrow: speak with the boss to account the extra hours to that day so i dont get over 10 hours and debug that fucking varnish and delete some servers from another project from the backupsystem and monitoring.

I have this colleague that who is nice, but if you mention anything about (not complete) java, sun, vmware, windows, daus(dumbest possible user), car manufacturer your ears bleed with is rants about it.
For example:
We talked about BMW which published that the energy generated from recuperation of one of their cars is around 60%. Immediatly he rants that it its not possible and the calculated number of an forum user of the newssite who calculated that 90% of the kinetic energy is regenerated has no idea about the problems.

Sometimes its hard to endure the hate, but i can relate with him in some things.

T(x, y)=x*(1+y/100)+√-1
x = hours estimated from Boss. if the boss
y = sum of the features with the following weight:
Multiplatform = 10
Web = 5
social * = 100
blockchain = 100
HTML-email = 10
Every other bullshit bingo term = 20
everything else = 1
Terms that appear multiple times count multiple times.
If the boss didnt give his estimate triple the feature-value and use 100 as x-value

1. 72 hours at an heavy used street with many holes and open windows (not the os) on an hot day for those, who stop the people, who work against air pollution;
2. die nvidia;
3. a pc with an inbuilt 10 kW fusionreactor, water heater, 2 amd cpu of the latest gen, 2 of the highest tier amd graphic cards and an mainboard which follows the spec of the cpus;

That should cover everything i need.

saying git is shit (cite at the end) and nobody professional uses it.
cite:
"GIT ist scheisse, es ist schwer zu installieren und man muss die Kommandozeile benutzen. Das benutzt doch niemand."

the code from a school colleague. So written that you must load the index page and are redirected to a second. if you try to load the second page you get errors. Many errors.