Dear Recruiters,

If you start your communique by saying anything in the vein of, "we have an immediate need for," I will not be replying to your email, linkedin ping, friend request on Instagram or semaphore frantically waved from the tallest hill in view. You are trying to sell something to me, I am not desperately longing to do something for you. If you don't work for me, you have no capacity to represent my interest.


The Talent

Tldr; developers cede the power in the relationship to recruiters and other middlepersons at their own peril.

  • 14
    Gotta love it when they send messages with "URGENT!!!" in the subject including a demanding tone in the body like people are just obliged to follow their deadlines. Lol. No wonder they can't fill those positions. No self-respecting person is gonna entertain that kind of attitude and no skillful individual have that little respect for themselves.
  • 3
    DIRECT END CLIENT NEEDS SQL SERVER DEVELOPER FOR NINE MONTH CONTRACT....seconds later a call from some unheard of town in Tennessee
  • 6
    It's a trap. There's no such thing as a SQL developer. πŸ˜‹
  • 2
    @SortOfTested I was gonna say, what exactly IS a sql developer? I keep seeing it in job boards. SQL is a query language, not a programming language. But some recruiters wouldn’t know lol
  • 2
    I just don't have nerves to cope with that kind of attitude, it just pisses me off. Idk if they think that all people are so desperate to find/switch the job and then offer peanut salary.

    Convo goes like this:
    - company is hot shit, they need devs
    - you need to know /half of the it department/
    - no related college degree? So you are junior?
    - how can you be senior without cs degree?
    - offers me some other, even shittier company

    Even funnier is when they send some job descriptions (half of them is on tech stack I never ever mentioned anywhere on my profiles or CV) and then on call talk about new exciting opportunities in some totally non-related shitty company that has 2 stars on Glassdoor and 500 comments how this is slave company and you should run as far as you can from it.

    For experienced folks recruiters look like terrible salesman that tries to sell you awful beer in the middle of the liquor store and you don't even like beer!
  • 3
    We need you URGENTLY!!!!!
    For our month lasting recruitment process so we can say no on the last step after wasting 16h of your time without paying you.

    Thank You !

    P.S. We do it only for entertainment purposes - we’re mostly hiring cheap graduates in 3rd world countries.
  • 1
    @SortOfTested i beg your pardon, no SQL developer? 😝
    There's a reason why SQL has been around for so long, besides, I invite you to contribute code to Apache Calcite
  • 1
    You and I both know that's not at all what they mean πŸ˜‰
  • 2
    I am immediately available!

    However, I must disclose that my "Priority Service" as clearly required by the urgency expressed in your communique has some fees attached.

    My prior engagements must be immediately terminated, and I need to cover any risks when signing a contract with an untrusted new party.

    Please pay the fee of $80,000 within 3 business days. Note that this is not an advance on salary.
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