So I'm at that age of arranged marriage process. It's kinda like dating but even more complicated with more if conditions on religion, caste, region, age and impressions of a third person who may be a mutual relative or acquaintance. And yeah, you have to engage or marry before any kind of intimacy.

Finding a girl of same religion, caste and region is hard enough, ( not a matter for me personally, but it's a factor for families to go along ). I was lucky enough to find this pretty nice girl that seems be the best match I have received in the matrimony site so far.

She's also a programmer which is awesome and together we could also explore the earth as a Digital Nomad if she's also into that.

Here's the deal though, my father is not very keen on next steps in making this partnership ( guys parent calling girls family to know things better ) because apparently she did higher education abroad and works abroad, and I'm not that qualified in terms of education. And on top of that, he worries I'll move abroad leaving everything back at home.

I suppose that's his insecurity showing up.

He doesn't realize working in IT is the most flexible job as proved in 2020 and it's only going to get better in the coming years. We could work from anywhere with the right remote company.

Anyhow, the girl's family found out my number and reached out to me directly. I'm pretty impressed honestly.

I had left little traces on the internet for potential families to find more info about me if they choose to look me up! This was in a way a little filter of my own. Thanks to Google Analytics and Seach Console for helping me to track them XD

I just hope this works out and my father won't mess up my chance for me to get to know this girl better and potentially be with the life partner I dreamed of.

If this won't work out, I'm just gonna live alone rest of my life. The criterias and conditions set by boomers for arranged marriage are very disgusting for my modern mindset.

  • 15
    Coworker of mine told her family (Sharma) to fuck off, waited until she was 33 and married a guy she liked from a much lower caste. Since she was the first born, her sisters had to wait and that pressure eventually led to them caving.

    She seems quite happy.
  • 10
    @SortOfTested The endless cycle of casteism and divide will continue as long as new generation gives into such pressures by their families. Good for her to break that!

    Update on my case, my father has this inferiority complex that I don't have enough educational qualifications and I'm not at least 2 years older than her.

    Not a deal breaker for me, and if it's not a deal breaker for the girl and the girls family, I don't see any problem.
  • 11
    Yeah, not gonna lie, I'm not awesomely crazy about importing that way of thinking. It's basically antithetical to everything I and my parents generation fought for in regards to progress.

    But on a lighter note, Russell Peter's probably said it best:

    "If they (Indian Parents) left in 1970– if they left in 1970, India is still 1970 to them. They can’t imagine all this shit is happening. No, no, Russell, that would never happen in India. Yeah, come. Come, motherfucker. You should see. You’re going to see. They do, they try. They hang on to shit that doesn’t even exist in India anymore. They try to be overly Indian. And their whole reason for leaving was bullshit, because they’ll do this, no, I want to leave and give my children a better life, give them opportunities, expose them to different things, let them experience a new world. And then what do they do? They have the kids born and raised in America, and then around 18, they go, son, we know you’re dating, but maybe you should consider an Indian girl. And you’re like, but we’re in America now. I know, but you should think about an Indian girl. I go, no, I mean, you know, If I meet one, yeah. But it’s not going to be my focus, because there’s so many other women around here, I might as well try something else. I mean, if I’m going to get with an Indian girl, what was the fucking point of leaving in the first place? At least over there we got way more choice. But son– this is the bullshit they pull on them– son, what will happen to our culture if we don’t stay together? What will happen to our culture? Let me tell you what will happen to our culture, fucking nothing. Fucking nothing. You know why? Because there’s 1.3 billion motherfuckers right here."
  • 3
    @SortOfTested I fucking love that quote
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    As you should, that shit is gold. 🏅
  • 2
    @SortOfTested Russell Peters is usually not my cup of tea but the man has his moments.
  • 2
    Completely agree. Credit where it's due in those moments.
  • 5
    I'm not Indian nor do I pretend to understand Indian culture. That being said, arranged marriages in 2020 seem super weird to me.

    Anyway, my best friend (also very much not Indian) dated an Indian girl about a year ago and it ended pretty poorly. One of the largest factors was that she only ever hung out with Indians, most of which were men. When it came time to meet her parents, they disapproved of my friend because he was white. They suggested she dated one of her "other friends" as they put it.

    So in a sense, that quote seems to apply quite well to the little tiny window I got to personally experience.

    It's funny, most of the Indians I've worked with here don't seem to like India much.
  • 2
    Culture and tradition is a powerful words, and they carry weight.

    But that doesn't make restricting another adult's choices any more or less wrong if wrapped in in those words.

    I believe in those terms, but I don't think they have to include things that are inherently restrictive or outright bad.
  • 1
    i'm from (almost) west where relationships seem to have been breaking down for the past decade (because muh feminism!), and from what you describes, arranged marriages seem like a pretty good idea, actually, compared to the dating shitshow i see around me.
  • 1
    @SortOfTested That is pretty true. Non Resident Indians, especially those who are settled in the western countries like US are more patriotic about India than anyone but don't want to live in India. The irony!
  • 0
    @Midnight-shcode Arranged Marriages do still breakdown here, but they seem to work better especially if families have good synergy between them.
  • 0
    well, at least they start.
    and at least they start before the female is emotionally barren from having ridden the cock carousel into triple-digit numbers, and the man too old and successful to need emotional support during building up his life.
  • 6
    A dear friend of mine. She was supposed to be shipped off for an arranged marriage. She refused and dated a white guy. Her father and cousin plotted to murder her because she brought shame on the family. She fled with the help of her white friends. This was late 70’s early 80’s. So called honour killings still goes on. All religion is a form of brainwashing from a young age, religion would be seen for what it really is and would eventually cease to exist were it not for the brainwashing of children who in turn continue the cycle. I too was brainwashed by the catholics from birth with a very religious father and schools that forced the fear of god on you. I finally broke free in my late 20’s by reading and challenging. I tolerate religious beliefs but detest the abuse of a child to force membership on them.
  • 3
    That's just hypocrisy 😉
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