i have just realized that the main source of my unhappiness and emotional imbalances is interacting with the world.

when at home, i am zen. i leave everything alone and everything leaves me alone, i am at peace, i am happy.

as soon as i get out and start being barraged by the everpresent dumbfuckery of the world, and on top of that my own dumbfuckery,... it becomes difficult to not hate existence.

What convinced me, and keeps convincing me
https://youtube.com/watch/...

so... not really a rant because i'm happy to be in the long-term zenlike state where i don't really give a fuck about anything anymore, but...

so today's my birthday (thanks in advance for all the semi-mandatory "cheers" reactions and such)

the agency i do temp jobs through sends money weekly (for the one week back) (which is the main and only reason i use them). they arrive at friday 12:25, so that's when i know to go "check" by withdrawing it, and it's also awesome because it's the best time to provide funds to reward myself (by booze/weed) at the end of the week.

last week, nothing came in. i called them and learned it was due to the contact person in the company i did job in being too late on sending the agency list of people who showed up at the work, i was told it's gonna arrive one week later together with the proper payment for the week-1,so effectively i was one week without any money (literally), but on the next week double was going to arrive, which is nice.

that next week of double was now. i found out that no double arrived, only single-value payment. i called them to ask why.
i was told that what arrived was the late payment, and the dude in company was again late with sending the presence list, so the other payment, for the proper week's work, will be a week late again.

so... that kinda ruined my financial planning tor tge week that's going to happen.

i guess my point (if i have any) is... funny how when someone fucks up, there's nobody for me to be angry at and hold responsible in any way, but when i have delays in my work due to delays upstream, nobody gives a shit about my excuses and it's my fault and i should have compensated, it was my responsibility and duty, and me not doing it (to my own detriment, for someone else) is me failing.

funny how the subjective dynamics of the world always somehow works out in a way where everyone else fucks up and i either have to suck it up and be okay with it otherwise i'm a selfish unreliable entitled asshole, or suck it up and extinguish their fire for them, otherwise i'm a selfish unreliable entitled asshole XD

anyone else noticed this in their life?
how does it work? what is the factor that decides whether you're in the "suck it up" class or the "fuck it, someone else will suck it up" class?

doesn't seem to (just) be the money(flow), i've seen this thing happen even in situations where the money/client dynamics were flowing the opposite way to what would be natural for the shit fall direction.

wasn't a fight, really, just me having gotten frustrated after half an hour of trying to explain to a 2D animator what smear frames are, since we were making a flying hummingbird, found out that multiframe animations for the wingflaps looked like crap for its flapping speed, so i was like "oh, i know, let's just make the whole wing flap a 3frame anim, one frame wings down, one smear frame, one frame wings up, done"

cue the UNIVERSITY EDUCATED ANIMATOR looking at me with confusion, asking what are smear frames.

cue half an hour of repeated attempts at explanation, each attempt imagining him to be a younger and younger child, last 3 attempts i was actually sketching it out for him in photoshop and playing it to him (via photoshop's timeline for making animated gifs) so that he could see how it looks, which still didn't help him get it.

it turned very unpleasant towards the end, due to me getting very dumbfounded and irritated and interlacing the last couple of explanation attempts with remarks on my fascinated disbelief that a university educated and graduated animator not only had no idea what smear frames are, but isn't even getting it after having it explained multiple times as if he was an elementary school child.

at that point my boss stepped in, told me to go have a smoke, and when i came back, he managed to explain it to the animator by some of the interpersonal magic he (the boss) had.

that dude (the boss) was amazing.

p. s. the hummingbird turned out looking amazing, thanks to the smear frames.

Fun stuff from the few most recent pages in Dwarf Fortress bug tracker:

Human civilization's soldier is an Alligator Recruit.

Dead suspects confess to crimes

Crash due to zero-size weasel

Pets and other animals from retired fortresses appear as selectable 'workers' in request screen, die of old age on arrival

Some animal people have extra fingers

People dying twice?
Most confusingly, one necromancer shows as having died from old age twice, despite this not being possible.

My Nature Hating Adventurer Who Lacks Altruism And Is Very Cruel Isn't Happy After Butchering Animals

bat man males don't have geldables

Reanimated severed werebeast necromancer hand has a full body

Dwarf likes "cacao wood wood"

Dwarves turn hostile againt the player and defend their prison from raid sent to free them

Visitors giving birth during visit leave their baby behind

a water buffalo got stuck inside a rough tetrahedrite wall

Animals which retract into body parts forget to come out

Herbalist stuck on stepladder, starving to death.

Artifact has an image of nothing

Cave Dragons are sometimes intelligent, and sometimes join human civilizations

A goblin knocked over a workshop and now my dwarves are killing each other

Ambusher elves are being spotted, but the giant monsters they're riding on aren't.

runs with food from table to table. Can't eat

Intelligent Undead Sent on Mission Return as Ghosts

Horrified merchants immediately destroy their wagons, pack their goods and leave the depot

Dwarf king abdictates to become commoner necromancer apprentice

Internal body parts with certain tags can still wear clothing & armor, without being otherwise accessible

Necromancer marries zombie

Single dad dwarf with buggy dead wife leaves kid behind when he takes over holding

Large quantities of adamantine coins causes trade depot to burst into flame

a bet:
this birthday, i will get:
lemon glutenfree cake (if any) because mom can't have gluten and sister likes lemon cake. i hate both of those. but that's irrelevant as it always was.

if any, then gifts will be anything except cigarettes which is basically the only thing within price range they're willing to spend, that i would actually be happy about.

birthday is just an artificially glorified ordinary day. and i'm not the type to do hysterics to artificially glorify it. and it's fine. but then, why are they artificially glorifying it while unwilling to actually glorify it properly, as in, glorify it for me?

pick fucking one. artificially glorify it, in which case, FOR ME, or just don't give a fucking shit same as i don't.

but why are you artificially glorifying it for the purpose of ignoring me and glorifying everything exactly in spite of me, without even being aware that you're doing that?

like seriously, what? make your "i love not you, but my daughter" day, as an extra to her birthday. i don't give a shit, i'm happy you have a nice relationship. but doing all of the "i love my daugther day" shit on my birthday, AND PRETENDING IT WAS DONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY, FOR ME, and being sad about me being sad that all you did "for me" was in fact for yourself and for everyone else, that's the combo that gets me.

"oh why u making me so sad by being so sad that i ignored everything you like and kept telling me you like for the past X years and i just ignored it because it's not my nor your sister's preference?"

guess why, you fucktard. how about you ignore the day next time instead of making it an unconscious (that's the worst, that they don't even realize it) mockery of the day.

"oh why are you sadand shitty feeling that we made this bullshit ignorable "celebrate you" day about ignoring everything that celebrates you, and made it into the opposite instead? why are you so demanding and cruel?"

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
go have a walk with your beloved daughter and please ignore me as you always do.
just leave me the fuck alone.

1. our public transport added a free wifi to busses, some years ago already. it's got a "login" page, connect to wifi, get a phone notification, tap it, opens page with an ad and 10 second timer on a "click to continue to internet" button.
... okay.
recently, the geniuses decided to harvest mail addresses, which... *gritting teeth* if you must...
BUT... "please input your mail address". i input and submit.
"we have sent a mail with confirmation link to that address, please click the link to confirm to get access".

FUCKING BRAINZOMBIES, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO ACCESS MY MAILBOX TO ACCESS INTERNET WITHOUT THE ACCESS TO INTERNET?

2. i had a second unrelated minirant, but i forgot what it was, so another one instead:
a long time ago, in a country where i live, the transaction slip the ATM gives you after withdrawing money used to contain info about remaining funds after withdrawal.
then, the info was removed from the slip, and a "feature" was added to atms where you "can" check the money on the account.
doing so costs you 0.50€

greedy asshole fuckers.

very easily, since i have no social life and i have almost no work either.

! rant
so i finally got back to Control (the game), since i finally got the dlcs.
finished the main story long time ago, even though i didn't finish all the sidequests, so i'm kinda doing that now before starting the dlc.

it might be just that i didn't explore all the nooks and crannies of the oldest house before, since even the place where the "hunt down and finally fire Tomassi" was a place i haven't been to before, and all question marks on the map (and i assume that place was there even before the dlc, because the quest existed too), but i'm noticing a surprising amount of unvisited rooms now, and i assume at least some of them were added by the dlc.

which made me think: how cool that the lore of the game just enables them to add new extensions to the building without breaking it because just yeah, they appeared recently, it's the oldest house...

however i still hope that maybe at least after 100%ing the main game, the place will get to some more... homely state? i'd love a state where it would feel at least a bit more like a place i'm in charge of, and less than a battlefield perpetually in progress.

anyways, still a great game, i forgot how nice it feels to be in that place. looking forward to the dlcs, just have to find the proper time and mood to immerse in it fully.

probably when 8 hours before rushed release i pushed my part of the codebase into the wrong branch which fucked up everyone else's rushed release of different parts of that codebase and now a colleague had to spend several hours unfucking the repo on top of finishing the rushed release of his part of the codebase.

oh and in the end my code didn't even work as it was supposed to.

everything is shit and getting worse. everyone is retarded and getting worse. (including me of course)

no reason to be trying.

peace in my soul.

finally.

!rant
can you give me/point me to some good example problem/exercise for multithreading? as in, something that's small in scope, but actually requires dealing with most of the multithreading issues & complications? race conditions, synchronization, locks, shared memory access, cross-thread calls/callbacks, etc?

i don't. and i'm not.
occasionally the thought that i will have some money on cigarettes and booze and the ability to forgwt about existential dread for a few days, that occasionally motivates me a bit, but that's about it. my ambition and dreams and will to do anything ia gone, and now i'm just coasting until such a time when coasting won't be possible anymore, and then i'm gonna jump out of the window or something.

not sure if actual bad habit, or just a natural consequence of what i'm writing often being de-facto "exploratory code" so the "bad habit" is actually the right choice, or...

but very often when i finish a functionality and look at the first version of the code, and realize how bad it is, and how it blocks me to implement following features... rather than just fix/improve that code, i just want to nuke all of it and write it from scratch again, and "better this time", because it seems like much less work and effort than trying to gradually fix it "in-place".

it definitely feels like a bad habit though, because it often results in me deleting and implementing to completion the same thing 4 times in a row.

it seems that every time i work on a programming project, that happens within 6 months. i'm currently in another burnout phase, it's been gping on for year and a half, basically.

So apparently, the next version of C# is gonna have list pattern matching more powerful than F#...
...so... my motivation to learn F# drops back down to curiosity, since C#'s list pattern matching seems to will have all I needed and wanted for my parser, as opposed to F# which seems to not have it...

also fuck Russia and China, but I don't want to think about the impending apocalypse, thankyouverymuch.

!rant
...i realized i can actually pattern-match like this (as in, sequence of elements (including "whatever") instead of just head::rest in F#...

...from watching a talk about prolog.

like "wait... prolog can do this when pattern-matching? that seems very useful. i think i tried to do that in F# but it didn't work, which seems stupid... I'm gonna go try it again".

and sure enough =D
i think i really am gonna like F# if i find the time and resolve to break through how its different mode of thinking stretches my brain in ways it hasn't been stretched for a long time =D

!rant
oh my god, look what I found.
http://f.javier.io/rep/books/...

"The computer system described in the book is for real—it can actually be built, and it works! A reader
who takes the time and effort to gradually build this computer will gain a level of intimate understanding
unmatched by mere reading. Hence, the book is geared toward active readers who are willing to roll up
their sleeves and build a computer fromthe ground up."

Eu was sorting out the rules for Carbon Tax.

It decided that private jets, private yachts, and "leisure flights" will be exempt.

Because of course. Normal people are not, and never were, the clients of this system.

commodore amiga 500, when I was 5 or 6.
what was the very first thing on it that i experienced, i don't know, but some things i remember:

Cannon Fodder 2
A-Train, a game that i played for months, it utterly fascinated me and i was utterly unable to keep my company afloat, because i was utterly unable to understand how the mechanics of the materials moving around worked (i still don't, actually, but in a different way)

some Apache simulator, which took us (me and father) literally a week to figure out how to get into the actual game from the main menu stylised as a military office. it took us several days to even realize it's the menu.

the Lotus Esprit 2 game, which we played regularly.

some Airbus simulator where i took two weeks of trial and error to figure out how to take off, without manual.

some experiments with midi sequencing and notation music programs.

how every two months, dad came with a 20page long list of programs and games from some pirate seller, which we would go through, mark stuff that sounded interesting (going by name only), then he would send it by post to him, and after a week, we would go take a package from post office full of floppies, literally like 200, and the next two or three weeks, we would be trying all of it out, seeing what the things we got were about, putting the good ones on one pile, the boring ones on another (cheap floppies for use)...

ah the magical times of wonder and exploration...

Another day, another possibly stupid idea for my language. Another one of those that's been floating in my head from the start, and I want to have it, but I'm not entirely sure about its implications...?

I mean... languages already have semantic feature like this, I'm just trying to extend the principle to not have any special cases, to be completely universal and have simple syntax.

Thoughts?

I have just been made aware that not everyone in this community knows the legendary tri-state boolean.

It is impermissible for anyone in this community to not know of the legendary tri-state boolean.

https://thedailywtf.com/articles/..._

Do you know https://godbolt.org/ ?
Awesome tool.

Does anyone know about something like this, except a normal offline app, instead of server nonsense?

Mah noob wannabe language designer side here again...

...Idea: Automatic/implicit interfaces.

1. do you know a language that has (something like) this?

2. good idea or a bad idea? why?

3. thanks :)

i'm so tired of seeing what's going on, and having no power to influence it.

but still having to be here.

tv show Galavant.
watch the first epusode, 20 minutes, glorious, you're welcome

...another (probably about fourth) completely futile attempt at making MASM compiling pipeline work...

...what the fuck... seriously, i've spent together about two weeks of time trying to make a fucking default hello world compile... ml64 problems, then rc.exe problems, apparently i was missing some dumb CommonService.dll which not only doesn't exist anywhere on my computer, but it doesn't even seem to exist at all in this fucking dimension. After several hours I had the bright idea of "fuck MS rc, let's just grab any other random resource compiler that I can find, and see if that one works".

Funnily enough, it does. Except Visual MASM can't run it from it's build process because it fucks up the commandline call, so I need to run it manually, and then when I run the build from V-MASM, the rc call still fails, but then it checks for the resulting .res file and finds it, so it happily continues with success...

...and now fuckin... what even is it? *goes to check*
oh yeah, now linker is shitting itself:
LINK : fatal error LNK1104: cannot open file 'user32.lib'

And I'm just completely defeated, just searching system-wide for the lib intending to copy it into the linker folder because fuck this fucking bullshit, I've had enough of drowning in MS BuildTools versions and installations and uninstallations and fixes and modifys and repairs and all that FUCKING BULLSHIT.

HOW. THE. FUCK. is this in any way usable for anyone. I suspect nobody ever actually tried to build an assembler project in the last 30 years, so nobody noticed it DOESN'T. FUCKING. WORK.

THIS.
THIS is why I hate anything that's not a proper IDE where I install ONE thing, and do everything in that ONE IDE and let IT figure out all this linuxy-soft-coupled bullshit of twentyfuckingthousand fucking useless commandline apps threwn around the whole fucking system where I'm fucking supposed to know where the fuck what is and which version and GO FUCK YOURSELF.

GIMME. FUCKIN. ONE: IDE. WHICH. WILL. INSTALL. ALL. THAT. IT. NEEDS. TO. BE. FUCKING. ABLE. TO. FUCKING. WORK. AND. COMPILE. SHIT!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I'm reading "A class-based reflective minimal kernel"
https://books.pharo.org/booklet-Ref...

... do you ever get the feeling like you understand something perfectly and don't really understand it, at the same time? what does it mean?

i can even rougly imagine how this would be implemented on assembly level, but it still feels like... i don't know. it seems too straightforward and simple, i guess, so i suspect i'm not understanding it properly, since it can't be that simple...?

In my opinion, absolutely flawless =D

i don't really care.
plusses abd minuses, comments and reactions.
none of it affects my shitty life in aby way, sane as nothing else does.

everything is a Skyrim quest. paper flat cutout pretenses of people trying ajd failing to convince me this is a life, this is reality, i should care.

failing.
it's all just subpar pretense.