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Company: we care about work/life balance (as long as shit gets done)

Company: we care about mental well-being (except when shit has to be done "now!")

Company: we help each other (we push work around until someone finally do it)

Company: management is here to help you do your work (as long as you don't ask them to help you to solve a real problem)

Company: we are agile (except we have more sub-processes than ever)

Company: we only hire best (and then put them in the team of morons)

Company: we are customer centric (that's why we are delivering bugged features)

Company: we constantly rise the bar (deliver more shit in shorter time)

... did I forget about something?

Comments
  • 23
    We are hyper agile (Once you finished your task we remember that the requirements have changed 3 months ago and you quite possibly have to redo everything)
  • 4
    @Creep “hyper” agile, love it!
  • 7
    Company: what we develop is state of the art (20 year old deprecated shit that dosen't scale)
  • 5
    Company: we are diverse (hires female developer they don’t need because she’s a lezza and has blue hair)
  • 7
    @bashleigh ...treats her like she’s 5, gives her a medal for existing, doesn’t know what to do with a backend JavaScript dev when their entire stack is PHP
  • 0
    @bashleigh it’s a shame devrant doesn’t have an option to make blue haired avatar isn’t it
  • 1
    @kiki well it does :p I don’t have blue hair anymore
  • 3
    Sounds like someone might be exhausted enough to get a new dev job with 40% salary increase.
  • 0
    @bashleigh well, here’s your medal anyway🏅
    Not for existing tho but for that really cool website of yours. Perhaps only the swipe animations are a bit jerky but web sometimes be like that
  • 0
    @bashleigh pure css solution with scroll snapping might help tho
  • 0
  • 3
    Company: we care about you coming to the office (so we can micromanage the shit out of you).

    Company: we set buttloads of meetings (so we can blame ICs for not working enough).

    Company: we organise team-building events and shits (for giggles and forcing employees to stay at the office).
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