*landing page: "state of the art". "look how many companies use this"
*6 months later: have some problems. discover github open issue that it can go into an unrecoverable state and every commenter migrated to competitor.

every time I piss or shit during a meeting I start panicking in the middle that my bt headphones mic is on

[monday morning productivity level]: organizing comments

Musk broke signal

Have you ever checked your Teams logs??!
It even logs mouse/keyboard and window activity...

And reports it to your employer with fucking colorfull dashboards. Fuck them...

me: ctrl+a; ctrl+v;
eclipse: lemme insert it at the end of the file...

If I ever go back to work from the office it would be hard not to fart anytime it feels like it.

Hacking company product with reverse engineering ang bytecode instrumentation.

The project I had to write integration test for was really not meant/written for testing. I ended up bytecode instrumenting an internal library to intercept the needed states and results.

I had to integrate an internal service. The doc said:

Lorem impsum...

fuck me I had to reverse engineer it.

incompetent fucks giving no shit about agreed git flow

merging directly to master
complaining about conflicts and not willing to solve it themselves

* me: we need a timeout here because this thread could leak.
* pm: I guess timeout is not needed because there are no functions which will run endless
* me: hold my beer

$ go ruin main.go

fuck Jira's 5 days ago date format.

I hate that i fucking have to inspect it every time to get a normal date.

I've burnt my bread because of an unexpected meeting.

When you have to wake up early to run your builds first or you can wait a day for them fixing jenkins no space left on device...

I see Modify button instead of Report on others comments in rants that I also commented. (But the resport dialog pops up)

Today boss called me on my personal phone to ask where the fuck I am after not answering a low prio mail for 10 minutes from his pet project.

We have voip.
We have chat.

No pressure meant...

who the fuck names their table aliases a, b, c, d... in a long query

will windows ever get ready?

today

me: How should we proceed with the tests?
customer: Yes

(it was a longer technical how question but the answer was the same)

When coworkers leave the co. for a better paying job and leave this kind of code after themselves:

int foo = 1;
String.format("blabla %s", Integer.toString(foo));

fml

Found this in a class that has not been touched for 2 years:

// TODO do we need this check? Clarify on Monday.

wtf eclipse... fuck you

synchronize project in eclipse. no changes...
mvn relase:prepare
BUILD FAILED: you have local modifications pending...

me: deletes comment from pom file
eclipse: there is a problem...
me: refresh project manually
eclipse: ok.. its all good now.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Signal

for making secure communication easy to use, accessible to everyone and open-source

I think credit card comanies should pay me for using cards not vice versa.. or don't do shit like this when I am paying for it...

https://bloomberg.com/news/...

time paranoia

Interlnal lib documentation:

'This is a short description: Lorem ipsum...'

Don't know why I expected more...

!rage

*PM 6 months earlier: "Do whatever u want with this lib, your softw. will use it."
*PM today: renames main public function names in my lib - used by about 10 processes of mine.

*Me: (╯°□°)╯︵┻━┻

Customer: "There are only 'X' values in COLUMN_D, your - report - import is wrong!"
Me: select count(*) from table_a where column_d is not in ('X') -> returns more than a thousand... Yeah please only scroll within a couple hundreds of records in your shitty sql client gui without making queries. Fuckhead.