32
Root
11d

Every time I interact with this DBA he treats me like I’m some fucking moron who barely knows what a query is. It doesn’t help that I can’t get him to understand a damned fucking thing, no matter what the topic is. We speak the same language, supposedly, but can barely communicate. I can’t even begin describe how his half of the conversations go because I am unable to follow much of it.

Maybe if I start aligning my fucking chakras and channeling my inner goddamn cosmic peace energy, or whatever it is he’s on about, he might start making more sense? I swear he’s been so high so often that he’s never quite come down.

There’s obviously a language barrier, somehow, but the guy is also such a douche every freaking time. Ugh.

Comments
  • 9
    Mr mushroom gets a job. He knows some big words that no one understands (not even him but that’s irrelevant) so everyone assumes that Mr mushroom is really clever.
    Unfortunately Mr mushroom has been blagging it for years and along comes someone who might find out.

    What does he do?

    Double down on the bs and hopefully they’ll all leave him alone as his weak ego can’t take it.
  • 6
    Draw signs with clear meaning.

    "no"
    "yes"
    "null"

    "division by zero" (aka does not compute)

    Hit him with the sign repeatedly to make sure he is able to read it.
  • 6
    DBAs are some of the strangest people I’ve ever met.
    Suppose you must be to be that interested in databases
  • 5
    I talked to a DBA once who had a fragile ego. I said I was interested in database work. He started rattling things off like he was only person who could understand it. I started avoiding him after that. I was wtf, you don't think other people should learn your craft?

    Me as a programmer/engineer: Hey, lets start with arduino...
  • 3
    @Demolishun Probably because that's all he know. How dare you take away his only source of income?!
  • 8
    I beat the DBA mushroom’s query runtime by 25% :)

    And my boss’s (who was pairing with a leggy dev to write it) by 350% (:

    And the production query by 48387% :D
  • 0
    @UnicornPoo I had a coworker just like this.
  • 0
    @Root
    Here you go
  • 1
    @scor πŸ˜πŸ’œ
  • 3
    @Root sigh.

    Seems like another case of programmers ego.

    The numbers say everything.

    Making mistakes is human, but reacting like you shat on his desk when you're correcting his mistakes is just plain dumb and childish.

    Noone is omniscient. I really wish people would finally get this.
  • 0
    @Root
    Are you by chance volter, because of the purple heart?
  • 1
    @scor …?
    Volteer?
  • 1
    @Root
    Nah. Volt&"er".
    A fraction of European people who preferably use the purple heart emoji.
    But nvm.
  • 0
    So the dba doesn’t know basic kindergarten concepts of databases like what a query is lol. Are there any developers there who don’t know what an object is? Probably a dumb question to ask at this point after reading all your horror stories at that poop dumpster
  • 0
    @Root at least your rants help me out. Everytime some company tries to entice me to leave my current position with promises of rainbows and unicorns, I come on here, read your rants and realize grass isn't always greener on other side. Makes my decision easy. I'm extremely happy with my current team and company. Not gonna pull a @Root and fuck it up :)
  • 0
    @superposition … thanks? πŸ™
  • 1
    @root I say it in jest. I really do feel bad for your situation.
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