Resource should be enthusiastic and excited about this opportunity

Sounds honest to me xD

If you call me resource there’s a high chance I will spit in your coffee 😇

The "biped mammal known as a human" should have good working knowledge of Java....

Hmm nope, now I'm discriminating against amputee's and aliens 😑

I now know why I don't do HR.

Well, that's one direct way to put it. At least, it doesn't give us any hope - expectations are clear! 😄

Some weekds ago, while chatting with a colleague:
- Hey, we're having this meeting to find a good resource management software. If you have any idea, you can tell us.
- Ok, good. What kind of resources are we talking about?
- Uh... Human resources.

That's the day I learnt that I'm a generic resource.