AboutSenior Fullstack Web, eCommerce and Salesforce Developer. The browser is just the doorway into my world.
SkillsI have a very particular set of skills, Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
LocationMelbourne / Australia 🇦🇺
Joined devRant on 7/10/2016
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I've been trying out no-code solutions for a while and I have found some awesome products out there that are super easy to setup and get running, but fuck me, I never thought I would find something so magnificent, so well planned and executed and fits into a tiny package.
No bloatware, no package dependencies, no nothing.
$data = ["some","predefined","data","set"];
// :/ this suddenly broke
//$response = $this->makeSoapRequest($data);
Due to prod failure, Hot-swap soap for rest - don't ask how we took the same input, spun the shit out of the response and recreated the same data structure that the soap request made, but it works... and that's all you will ever have to know.
$response = $this->makeRestRequest($data);
//process the response
If I wasn't a dev, I'd probably still be in sales somewhere.
Can't say I miss that life, customers are a pain in the ass you can't punch in the face. at-least with IT, if I smash my keyboard, it's not going to complain 😇1
Fuck me in the ass, but do it harder then this api just so I can feel some love 😖
it's one of those days where you have to migrate from soap to rest, only the rest api doesn't have the same structure or search parameters as the soap api, so there's this entire fucking application sending requests at a brick wall, and expecting a purple throbbing 12 inch cock of xml to be pushed into an multi dimensional array and pushed through to the views to derange the mess, only you have to create that fucking 12 inch cock from several 2 inch dipsticks that have a different hierarchy, different field names, and merge the shit together with a glue gun...
good thing it's only an unexpected prod problem... right? 🤷♂️
Ah, the woes of a Monday on the legacy app adventures.1
We interrupt your usual scrolling to inform you that.... you made it!
* ITS THE WEEKEND *
You may continue scrolling now ⬇️⬇️7
Say I have 10 iPhones in a red bucket, and 10 Galaxy Notes in a blue bucket.
Now, I throw both buckets in the air with excessive force at the same time, and put the buckets on the ground next to each other before any phones start their decent.
How many phones land in the blue bucket?15
Running a wild UPDATE statement against an inventory database, it was chaotic and didn't have backups.... yea I know 😅 the backup service died god knows when and no one noticed. I was only new at the time so #notMyFault
UPDATE stock_on_hand = 0; WHERE id IN(1,2,3,4,5,88,972,7388);
# rows affected 1,234,567,890
> I think I almost died inside.
Oh the fun that mess was to clean up.
The positive outcome of this was, we had backups working again not long after and the inventory counts where accurate after that stock take.3
Why fix tomorrow, what you can write properly today!
Seriously, why does everything have to be [M]otherfucking [V]omit [P]rojectiles and dealt with later when it falls apart, rather then spending that extra few hours / days making it fucking stable now, instead of months some where in the future.
Excuse me, I have yet another foreseeable fire to put out.1
Oh Lordy, time to yank out those old RPI's and throw vsCode on them!
Aus Gov: here's a bright idea, let's enforce social media accounts being verified with enough identification to pull of identify theft with ease for the greater good.
Facebook: 533 million accounts leaked with names, email, phone, address details.
Zoom just won't die off.
I guess next we will have a vsCode plug-in for zoom meetings, who needs to seperate their code from their endless meetings these days anyway?
When your up against a session issue and can't fucking work out why the session is lost, not one instance of the logout functionality is called and yet... the fucking thing decides to log you out anyway.
Now this was working all fine and dandy last week, and NOTHING has changed, as in not 1 fucking line of code for this process has been touched in 4 years.
It's like all of a sudden, Satan crawled out of this piece of shit site and decided I was to be toyed with.
As you can imagine, I'm a little pissed at this one, there's something hiding in the shadows fucking me in the ass.4
For anyone using ms teams, prepare yourself for a ruined dark theme.
Fuckers have made it darker with more contrast 😩2
That awkward moment you go from being the developer of an online store, to being the customer of said online store, and pray the ordering system behind the scenes doesn't fall over due to a bug you haven't fixed yet 😅
Here's something I never thought I would do, I just returned this weeks pay check back to the company!6
I suddenly have no regrets leaving LastPass when they were bought out and started to go to shit.
Lastpass now contains several trackers.
My specialty, I don't think I actually have specialised in anything, maybe that's why I never run out of work, shove a problem on my desk and it gets done, don't have experience? Welp, you do now!
Maybe that's the point, you see a lot of people fall of the wagon or get stuck without work, and here I am just plowing through the next problem at hand.
My career was founded on trying something new, seeing something and going, it's needs X, or Y and building my own with it - no degree got me into software, and no degree is going to replace the years of experience gained by just trying new things.
It also allows you to be well versed in a lot of areas and not feel the paradigm shift when changing stack, language, framework, or whatever, it's just another tool in the shed that has its purpose.1
Day 0: thank you for being an Amazon Customer, your database is about to be upgrade in the near future with or without your consent! Tough titties motherfucker!
Day 16: ok, every upgraded by hand in the test environment, everything seems stable, let's go make preparations for production!
Day 16.5: ssh user@<prod_bastion_ip> --yada --yada
Unable to connect
Oooook, let's try again,
Unable to connect
Day 16.5.1: WHY THE FUCK NOT, the IP is fucking right, the cert is right, the user is right, the..... fucking.... EC2 instance has been......... terminated.....
Why! why can't people leave things alone.
Excuse me while I hit the bourbon 🥃
AWS: change this service by doing this, this, this, this, oh and this, haha we didn't mention this - now do this, umm and this too!
Me: oooooookay - looks good!
AWS: yeah- nah bro, thats fucked!4
is it just me, or do some people just make life difficult for the fucking sake of making life difficult?
now, lets ignore the lack of sanitised data, lets also ignore the lack of prepared statements, and for the love of god... lets ignore some magic numbers, because I still don't know what they mean yet....
but why! why would you create an array, implode it, smash it into a database query on the fucking fly, instead of just adding the data into the query in the first place.... it's not like you were doing this right to begin with, but this... this is next level!30
Skrew all these "modern" css frameworks, I'm returning to the 90's bitches!!!
The balls some managers must have to think that this is going to be an acceptable price.
I also find it hilarious that a $2 adblocker can fuck this in the ass.19
For anyone interested.
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When you spend your day building a dark theme on stylish instead of doing your day job 😏
Ah the life of an easy day.
I shall sip on my pina Calada before the shit hits the fan tomorrow... oh wait, that's a public holiday🍹🧘♂️🏖13
C0D4 kinda hangry!
Yes that's a word...... maybe.
Ok, so I'm starting to see memes, memes and more fucking shitty memes, don't we have Reddit for that?
I wonder.. if it's a terrible idea in this day and age to remove the ++ button from meme posts, it would immediately remove the incentive to farm ++ and not contribute other wise, and it's not necessarily penalising them for doing it, it's just not rewarding them...
I know... I'll go jump in my bunker and hide from the riot that will probably begin now.35
devRant needs a poll feature :D
im starting a new project, and currently deciding on the css framework to pick. kinda sick of injecting bootstrap into everything and reworking it, time for a new toy.
so... Whats your preferred CSS Framework?
for the privacy conscious among us, feel free to comment below.9
Farewell flash - you will be missed in the nostalgic archives.
You know your software is over when Microsoft pull the plug - now awaiting the IE removal 🤷♂️
- survived 2020 and all its woes.
RIP those that didn't.
- delivered a major project this year that felt like it never wanted to end.
Scope creep.... nope, scope realignment kills the soul.
- hired a competent dev!!! 🥳 Not being a SoloDev is a weird feeling!
- pay rise during a pandemic, that was a nice touch.
- dealt with several useless contractors and ended up redoing most of the work myself.
- don't lie to me when you say you *can* do something, only to throw yourself into a complex rabbit hole you can't dig yourself out of.
- major project took 500% longer then originally scoped - it was only meant to be a tight 6 weeks, not an excruciating never ending list of changes and rebuilds 🤯
good thing I get paid regardless - but I don't think the burnout was worth the while.
- let's see what the world has on offer to try and burn me out of existence this time!