AboutSenior Fullstack Web, eCommerce and Salesforce Developer. The browser is just the doorway into my world.
SkillsI have a very particularly long set of skills, Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
LocationMelbourne / Australia 🇦🇺
Joined devRant on 7/10/2016
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Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.
I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦♂️
I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.8
For everyone here who already fails at css, I have some bad news for you.
CSS-4 coming to a browser near you!
Notifications are busted again!
++ still come through, but mentions are dead 🥲
Anyone seeing the same thing?5
Should I be afraid right now?
Dev: can I swap out an existing UI framework from this codebase for a completely different one, because it doesn't do the small enhancement I've been tasked to do?
please lord, give me strength in these pressing times.6
Ok you fucks that don't believe in documentation - me included.
Document your shit, because one day, one day some dumb fuck is going to have to recreate your over engineered bullshit of a system and scale it up.
What would fucking be useful right now is ANY god forsaken insight into what in the flying fuck your code is doing, or not doing, or why it makes queries to a database with no fucking records in it 🤦♂️ and then attempts to use that data... in case it did exist.
There's nothing like unpicking a mess of bullshit, and documenting it, and then have to remake it on a new platform.
Documention saves lives kids, maybe your own life one day😬16
You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.
What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"
DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!
MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.
my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.
#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!4
Why I love Salesforce 👀
- Run a test method
- failure: no field found
- checks test, queries field
- checks field security (access permissions) visible to user
- runs test again
- failure: no field found
- adds debug log of queried field
- runs test again
Thanks, thanks for fucking with me today 🥲6
There's nothing like sitting on the edge of your seat when you see a monster batch of records get sent updates.
This system was built 5 years ago and it's "peak" batch size has been < 400 records in a day, it usually sits around < 100.
It's not a big system and just runs in the background. So yea small numbers for this guy.
today though, I thought something fell down and shit its self, someone decided to add a a few thousand records to this thing and update a fuck tonne of data (for this system anyway)😬
The damn thing is standing it's ground and churning, but fuck, the scale of things is beyond what we ever thought it would have to deal with at any one time.
Build for the insane benchmarks kids, one day... someone's going to drop an elephant on it.5
Offensive and defensive at both code and infrastructure levels.
So many times I see devs not give a flying pancake about security. Whether it be rolling integers for sql injection or permission guarding to prevent someone executing something they shouldn't.
Why is security in this industry always the last thing to be concerned about when it's the first thing that's going to kill your business.
There's nothing like cleaning out a cupboard of stuff you have long since moved on from only to find this hidden in the corner.
I once had a Mac, it's still a piece of shit and I'm not convinced Apple ever made life easier to use one of these 😅3
First experience with a PC....
It would have been the Commodore64 and those giant 5.25" floppies, ah those were the days with CRT TV's.
Watching a friend load up Tetris on that big screen was eye opening for a 8-9 Year old.
Yay, another item to tick off the bucket list.
- fall asleep during a zoom call ☑️
I think I've hit the point of being so burnt out, even self consciousness is hard to maintain.4
I think the sleep deprived me is finally cracking under the weight of incompetent assholes.
We just launched a major project in some weird cocktail of Agile slapped with MVP and release to the wild in a waterfall, but it was premature, premature in the sense QA hasn't even finished their side of things, but because some fuck with with "manager" in their title decided they have burnt through the budget with incompetence and scrapped an entire element of the project and outsourced just so they could make a shittier version that doesn't even fucking work.
How hard do you want to fail before you will start listening to the people that now have to work around the fucking clock to clean up this horse shit of a mess.
I'm literally arguing over field mapping with multiple 3rd parties, when the fucking requirements state WTF this is suppose to look like. All because they didn't validate or test their own shit.
Why is EVERY FUCKING cock head in this industry a waste of space and cash! Is it really to much to ask for 1 fucking project to fucking go live that actually fucking works where I don't need to work 2 weeks straight (including weekends) after going live just to be sure that what shit does hit the fan isn't going to create a SEV 1 issue...
Sorry, I'm pissed at the incompetence of others I need to deal with on a daily basis. It's not like this field is insanely hard. A little attention to detail and self validation, verification goes a long way. But clearly that's a rarity.
Once this shit is stable and actually works, I'll be pulling out the mop to clean up half this shit just so it actually works.
Oof, I'm getting to old for this bullshit.4
Today is day 3 of Windows 11 for me, and after about an hour of gaming, everything got laggy. I thought it was an AV scanner taking its sweet time kind of lag, but then.... I couldn't switch back to the desktop, I couldn't launch the task manager, it was just a solid frozen brick, and then when I unpaused this game to go back into it.... it was frozen too.
So here I am , with a frozen machine, so I give up and attempt a hard reboot........ yep, your fucked too. Windows auto repair kicks in, and it freezes too.
So now I'm here, with a brick of a fucking machine, wondering wtf could have gone so wrong.
Finally, I've made it to the failed boot screen,
> bootrec /fixboot
🤔 dafuq you smoking?
> sfc /scannow
Ok.... I don't think I want to know how this works.
> chkdsk /f /r /x C:
Yay something fucking runs
no issues 🤨
Fuck it, reboot.
Oh, now you want to fucking boot you piece of shit.
Now to understand how the fuck you can get a permission denied when your running CMD before boot 😐21
Let's play a game.
Since using teams for the last two years I've been allowing MS to tap into my life story for work to produce some hilariously scary analytics on my work schedule.
For anyone interested:
Now let's pull some data out and think about wtf is going on here.
Weekly average for "focus" vs "collaboration"
Now this is a % of time you have not being stuck in meetings, calls, ect, based on the pass 4 weeks of data.
I have a 93% collaboration vs 7% focus time - or leave me the fuck alone time.
That's literally 35 of my 38 working hours a week in some kind of call or dealing with emails 😅
Speaking of emails: what in the fuck am I supposed to do with 5,109 emails and 403 calls on teams in a month?
It's like I need a receptionist for this shit.
And on that note, im hitting the rum for the day 🥃🥃🥃7
And this boys and girls,
Is how you start doing less work - apparently.
Welcome to GitHub Copilot Technical Preview!
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When you have dependency issues and can't work it out...
#npm install all-packages
And wait a millennia
Same days you just need a duck.
Me: no, map.get(record.id)
Me: let's grab this record from the map
Me: what the flying fuck, take this fucking ID from this fucking RECORD and find it in THIS god forsaken map.
Duck: did it occur to you the ID exists only AFTER the map is created.
Me: you fucking wha..... oh I'm a dick head.7
Anyone want a free Python, PHP, or Assembly book?
Well how about all 3???
If Apple attempts this, the world would be split between Apple hate and fuck that's awesome (on the 5th edition)
If Google actually followed through with it, it would have changed the world.
But Facebook... Facebook can go fuck it's self for trying to introduce mass surveillance inside sunglasses.
When you finally get to join the small group of people that have reached hell.
It's been a long ass journey and it's warm down here.12
Can we agree, a lot of people tend to pick the wrong one for the job at hand.
And just in case devRant does it's magic on the image....
For fucks sake, how many times can you get the same error before giving up?
So, there's this form, and it's used quite frequently without fail, and there's this 1 user receiving an error that some data is incorrect, so... they submit the form again, and again, and again, and 6 more times with the same bloody error all because changing 1 fucking field is obviously to hard to recognise as the problem when the error says "you can not have 'x' in field 'y'"
Fuck it, do I need to replace 'x' with a blank, just because you can't read a fucking error message?14
Anyone else getting 504 timeouts on devRant or It just me.....
Or maybe it's that giant image in the feed taking forever to load 🧐4
There's nothing like finishing the build for a 4 month project, send it for testing and then there's change requests that fundamentally change what the fuck you built.
Some days a good bottle of bourbon or 5 are needed. 😤🥃4