I thought I'd always be a die-hard proponent of working from home; it can be great for the right person: and I thought that would be me; but with the family I have? It's turning into a disaster. They're too used to having me around, my wife is becoming too used to making arrangements that involve me taking an hour or two out of the day here and there; she doesn't know the impact of context switching in the middle of the day. If I refuse to help her out, that makes me the asshole. Then I get ratty because I feel the stress of being unproductive, and guess whose fault it is again? Mine. The kids rush in and out of my work area, or get upset when I come out for a coffee and don't want to spend time with them, but it's not their fault, at 2 and 4 they don't understand. Take me back to the fucking office, I'm done.

I just want to work. How hard is the concept of being left the fuck alone.

  • 13
    Explain the reasons, set boundaries, enforce them.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop Short, solid advice. Cheers.
  • 2
    Is she also trying to work from home and balancing things though?

    Me and my wife had to balance wfh and kids during all the lockdowns. It was hard.

    If not then yeah you have to set some boundaries and don’t feel like an asshole if you do your hours (but not extra). That’s putting food on the table.
  • 0
    "context switching" is a lie.

    If youir brain can't hold info on what you were doing, well, get a new brain.

    "context switching" is just a lie devs tell when they don't want to work.

    (Me included, I use that excuse dailly.
  • 0
    @NoToJavaScript it's not a lie. It is just not always disastrous as it's made out to be but at times it can have an impact. When working out stuff either in still half there and not able to let it go. So the new context suffers. Or skylines the new context takes hours and lists of focus, largely ruining the things that where hallway worked out.
  • 0
    @Augmental so you not only did it once but chose it again, hahaha so long sucker.

    Hear it so much, having little buggers is fine if you can dump them at school or daycare, but nothing but complains when they are at home all day. And a few months later, still complaints and a lockdown baby in the oven...
  • 3
    It's hard.


    It depends on the mentality. I can focus on a task so hard I forget to eat and wonder suddenly why I feel dizzy, till I realize I forgot something so important...

    But bomb me with stuff and constantly interrupt me and I get nothing done. Especially after being rage filled and wanting to force choke people for their ignorance of other peoples workflow.
  • 1
    I’ve had many fights with my wife about this. It’s not an easy problem to solve. Most of the problems stemmed from me not setting consistent boundaries like, please don’t disturb me during these times, but during those hours I’m flexible. … it’s easy to say, but being consistent is key. Also, I gave my wife access to my work calendar on her phone. She books personal appointments around my meeting schedule if she needs me to watch the kids now. I went so far as to add an IFTTT trigger so when she adds a personal appointment with #dad to the calendar, it blocks off my work calendar too. Those are just my tips, but in the end, I feel you, those struggles are hard, but the fights are worth it when you can find that compromise. I wouldn’t give up walking out of my office and seeing my kids for anything now. My manager met my 2 year old when he impromptu brought me a truck during my last 1:1 🤦‍♂️
  • 1
    @NoToJavaScript no, it's not.

    also, there's a named phenomenon of... psychological inertia, which is... partly the same phenomenon, except it applies to literally any activity or statr - when in that activity or state, it takes effort to change into a different activity or state. it doesn't even have to be something mentally demanding.

    next time please know what you're talking about before you talk about it with this tone of certainty.

    p. s. if you don't concentrate deeply enough to experience context switching clearly enough to realize it's a real thing - get better concentration.
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