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I know that my coworker can't write a single fucking operable line of code. So I wrote a script that is called everytime someone pushes new commits. If the commits contain the username of my coworker, create a ticket in YouTrack with the Label "Rewrite", and assign it to the files changed.
So I had that running for a longer time, and my dumbfuck of coworker hardcoded the credentials of the server in a networking library. One of the credentials was his username. He then updated the copyright on the whole project(which adds a copyright in the top of every file), also in the included librarys(!). The script had a check if the files are related to the project or just librarys. In the end, he pushed all of that with another account(in fact, a reporter account), which had another name(and didn't even belong him). So the files didn't belong to the project, the script sees his username anyways, the script assigns a rewrite, and in the end, everyone in the team thinks I'm mad because I(the script with my account) assigned a rewrite to a HUGE library.

PS: It was great fun to remove these copyright notices.

Comments
  • 7
    Geniuses​, geniuses every where. Good luck dealing with your genius co-worker & his work.
  • 16
    Doesnt he know that you do it? Also it looks like you have to work for 2. If he's truly so stupid, why not just talk with your boss?
  • 20
    Rather than just rewrite it, couldn't you code review it and have him fix any issues you find? His commits should get better over time, he is won't like doing everything twice.
  • 7
    Revoke push access!
    Talk to your boss and recommend revoking building access!
  • 14
    That is insane on many levels. Having a retarded coworker is one problem, but you made it more complex, and made it your problem now.
    I personaly use KISS everywhere, including problem coworkers.
  • 11
    Talk about over-engineering... You are basically just being a troll instead of offering any valuable criticism and assessing the problem. Get your team to implement code reviews as @theImposter mentioned and actually show him where he is going wrong. You are just making it all the more difficult for everyone. Get your head out of your ass, coding isn't a competitive sport and it shouldn't be a witch hunt. You'd be surprised how better a feeling it is to help someone progress rather than sitting in your high castle and trolling away (which ironically leads to you shooting yourself in the foot anyway.)
  • 4
    @ALivingMemory I can't even count how often I showed him where he's wrong. But this guy is so stubborn, because he thinks that his certificate is more valuable then mine(we went to different schooles, but same school type, and I really don't give a fuck about certification, my co-worker seems to be one of the best examples about why certifactes can be burned). Afaik all he learned are some (simple) algorithms(I have to say that I haven't learned more in my school, but I did coding since I'm 10, so I already knew about everything they wanted to teach, like most of us ranters I have learned programming myself). And my boss is some no-tech guy which doesn't care about anything. Already thought about changing job, the company would go insolvent.
  • 0
    @Gatgeagent sounds like a conundrum. You're doing the best you can. Start looking for greener pastures.
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