19
kiki
45d

- I’m tired of being caught in this political bullshit and thinking about how to withdraw my money from the bank ASAP because govt can block my account to prevent me from leaving, how to let my salary make its way from Europe to me without making me a criminal for even having foreign currency, even though I pay taxes, being left without my meds because the country I was born in decided to deny the existance of my illness. At my age, I should be thinking about where do I want to go for vacation and what hair color should my next sex party fuck partner have.
- I’m tired of fighting this never-ending uphill battle with guilt upon guilt upon guilt that cripples my thinking and renders me helpless by the face of it, the constant sense of dread over me failing to even put into words what’s bothering me.
- I’m tired of seeing literally any thing associated with my childhood and having flashbacks of violence and gruesome things done to me as a child. Today, I had a full breakdown over seeing default Windows Vista wallpaper.

My anxiety always hits hard, but how hard should I hit the wall with my head next time to beat this shit out of it? sometimes I hear little bubbles inside. I left my country, but how hard should I vomit next time I eat two jars of nutella as a self-harm session for my country to leave me? I already have my eyes all red and messed up because of doing this. I can’t see straight. is it within my body? can I pull it out?

Comments
  • 2
    Do not worry; take this cup of tea 🍵👌
  • 3
    @kiki this is the only time I would use cryptocurrency to move money away from the country. Please consider carefully and ensure you got your cold wallet with you.

    I am no crypto expert, I honestly see it as a major ponzi scheme, but I believe that in your case it can prove beneficial.
  • 0
    Although I feel a lot of hate for the Russian government. I can't exactly understand, why would you feel guilty for actions of other people.
    Stay strong and try to check if you're eligible for political asylum where you are right now.

    Your fight is not in vein, and we all appreciate you from the depths of our hearts
  • 2
    @HitWRight

    > I can't exactly understand, why would you feel guilty for actions of other people.

    Kind sentiment; but looking at the regime the collective Russian culture has allowed to take hold in their country, I wouldn't want to discourage any Russian from doing a bit of soul-searching right now. Responsibility isn't always direct, and fleeing Russians might do well to identify 'culturally acquired' parts of their character that ought to be cast-off when they start again...
  • 2
    Reminder that Monero exists, my dude

    Buy Monero, chain-hop to Ethereum and buy USD or Euro algorithmic stablecoin (Dai, for example) if you want to own something constantly approximating the value of foreign currency without your government knowing and being able to take it with you across borders without customs knowing
  • 1
    @Augmental agreed. A lot of places would benefit from some reflection, even if the person didn't directly do something. Most countries will have a national identity that can have some very nasty side effects. Not talking specifically about Russia since I know almost nothing about it.
  • 0
    @Augmental Just because a person is in a certain group he cannot be held reliable if he did not directly influenced the action.
    If that wouldn't hold, we would punish not only a person, but also his family, since they were "enablers".
    When we can see clear signs, that the person is actively trying to fix what happened even if he is in a certain group, we can only feel sorry for the person that found himself in a position like that.

    Writing in general sense, since it applies for many people.
  • 1
    @HitWRight I'll be more specific:

    Many Russians do actively support the Putin regime, and they are not blameless.

    However, let's assume our friend kiki here does not have any interest in politics or Russia's action in Ukraine. Of course I wouldn't then seek to blame or punish them for merely being Russian.

    Even if they didn't do anything to affect the outcome though; they are still a product of a society that has shown itself to support murder. In that case, before taking themselves to contribute in another society, they should be introspective and ask themselves - what attitudes have I picked up from my home culture? While some are good, are there other traits that I should identify as being a harmful that I should consciously let go to begin my new life? It's for them to decide.

    This is my response to others who too easily say things like "of course you shouldn't feel any guilt". How about we don't judge ourselves, but instead ask them to look in the mirror.
  • 0
    @Augmental Would be nice, but that would basically apply to everyone in most countries ever. I've met a lot of people that think they are some sort of ally of justice, and use it to justify murder.
  • 0
    @Augmental Many Russians (and surprisingly non-russian decent due to Putin's cult) do and therefore are subhuman, but as far as I know it's a minority. Most are just victims of circumstance of being born in the wrong country.

    Countries were born from necessity to express violence on a mass scale and all countries have the capacity and capability to start wars, yet only democratic ones leave it to the majority. So... If I understand correctly you want Russians who escape to be more democratic, and feel hatred towards any monopolistic entity of power?
  • 2
    @Augmental @HitWRight

    I'm not russian and never was. Normal russian people, including my family, never understood me, displaying anything from doubt and fear to hate and disgust. I have a hard time trying to express what I think in russian, but it somehow becomes easy when I talk in English. The voice in my head doesn't speak russian. I'm not a part of that society, never was, and never had the chance to become. I'm an alien, we have nothing in common. Things that are "common sense" to russians make no sense to me.

    It's not about politics. I suffer from mental illnesses, and my mind is deteriorating without medications I need that are illegal where I live. That's it. There is nothing more to it.

    But it being simple doesn't make it easier.
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