80

*creates a freelancer account on some website.
*builds portfolio and gets things running.
*meets his first client.

Client: Hello. so your profile says you are an experienced full stack developer. You are just the kind of person i've been looking for.

Me: Yep.

Client: Okay I have a project for you. I am looking at developing a simple website that has a few functions and the budget is 100$.

Me: Okay smooth. Hit me with the descriptions.

Client: it's going to be a dating website. Once a user signs up; the website would automatically take control of the user's media devices in his/her home; automatically playing something romantic. You get me?

Me: Em... Idk about that it seems a bit...

Client: it can be done! Develop the algorithm.

Me: Em... Ok.

Client: Well, next the website uses some complex sorting algorithm and sorts existing members based on their past real life relationships. It puts the best people above the messy ones.

Me: o.0

*client goes on with his bullshit in like another 10 lines of messages.

Me: -_-

Client: so what do you think? How soon can you begin and how soon can we be done?

Me: Do you also want a "butt scratcher" feature? Like a hand pops out of the monitor and asks to scratch the user's anus?

*client leaves the chat.

Me: Oh. I guess he a thing against family guy.

Comments
  • 35
    dammit! why are people so clueless how much a website costs. 🙄
    100 dollar lol
  • 4
    Awesome reply ....
  • 25
    Lol we would charge at least 100 for a first meeting, depending on how many ppl attend.
    It's not because we need the money, but we learned that the client gets the point that things cost money. Since we started doing this clients are well better prepared for the meetings. Generally we also refund the money for the meetings as credit if the project goes through and the client "behaved" :D
  • 0
    @jAsE lol this guy gets it.
  • 6
    @enen @jAsE right, it's company policy, but I pulled it off two times as freelancer too. Of course I laid it out differently. I also have to say that it wasn't the stranger on the other side of the world kind of freelance.
    In my company we still charge them the meetings, but we explain to them why we do so and that we can talk about taking that of the price at the end of the project. They still have to sign the whole thing, including the meeting charges tho, so we can legally force them to pay if they seriously play chicken with us.
    It's really a thing we do out of culture (in german it's Kulanz, don't know 'bout english), makes both the customer happy and us if we see a satisfied client.
    Most of the time that's the client's that come back with other projects too, so we don't even lose money
  • 5
    + we wasted way to much time with clients that had uns in some hours meeting time and bailed out when things got serious
  • 2
    I love the way Peter yells "butt scratcher", and how he uses distinct prosody to communicate with only those syllables. Butt scratcher? ;)
  • 1
    @enen well said <3
  • 1
    @solecki You just won my respect sir. lol
  • 2
    You lost me at $100.
  • 0
    @solecki Butt scratcher? Butt scratcher! Butt scratcher..
  • 1
    @Castillo @Kunterbunth Butt scratcher. :)
  • 0
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